#Status: Single. A 6 Month No Man Mission (girl power)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Tiffany. She's a love addict who is now purging herself of men in the hopes of finding a cure. Think she can do it?? She has given herself six months, and I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT TIFFANY!!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @nomanmission
Today I felt down, out, and even a little lost as I wandered aimlessly around town in an effort to follow my spirit, because some days this girl just doesn't know what she wants. Everything feels scattered and fuzzy lately. I partially blame it on the planetary aspects that are going on, but on a not so "new agey" level, I think it is where I am at on my mission.
I have had many ups and downs during the past 13 weeks. Freedom, loss, independence, loneliness, happiness, sadness, clarity, and confusion. Lately I have vacillated between the idea of cutting my mission short or modifying it, to being the strong girl I know I am and completing what I set out to do. Really, what is 3 months? I have my whole life to date, navigate love, and ultimately be in a relationship. Three months feels like a long time, but oddly enough, 11 weeks doesn't.
After my experience of cutting the chord with "Someone", to my learning lesson with "Trainer", to the craziness of "Autumn" I am in a strange spot. I know that all of these experiences were an integral part of my mission and growing process. I am thankful for them, but now that the dust has settled, I feel like the true process has begun. There are no distractions, so I find myself looking for one. It is easy for me to find something attractive about guys I would never think twice about in the past. It's very interesting to me because I see what I am doing. The real test is for me to not act on my weakness, because that is why I set out to do this mission in the first place. Not to have some superficial crap that won't lead to anything.
All of this awareness came today after a long day of wandering. Eventually, I wandered to a power sculpt class at the studio and that was the point where my day completely turned around. I am amazed by and so lucky to have these beautiful people in my life. Being in the presence of those women made me feel completely loved and helped me to realize so many things in the short time I was there. I learned that I can get through anything with the support of loving people who are true and genuine. I realized that I have been spending way too much time alone. I was reminded that having strong, inspiring women in my life on a regular basis is absolutely necessary, and I got some really great insight on where I am at on my mission.
When I told the girls how I was feeling about my mission, they snapped into immediate sister action. The best analogy I got about my plight is this- Where I am at on my mission is like being on day 5 of a cleanse. The very scent of any food smells amazing, even if you never liked that food before, you want it, crave it, salivate over it. Then when you cave and eat the prune (which you would never touch regularly) you realize, shit, I don't like prunes, why did it seem so enticing?
I am willing to bet that if I broke my mission I would feel like I just ate a prune. Shitty. I know that a lot of what I write about sounds very painful, and it is to a degree, but only because I am growing. Some would argue that I am going against the natural order of things by being so strict with myself, and I would agree on certain days-but knowing myself the way I do, and having the awareness that I have been looking for a distraction so that it would be easier to complete my "no man mission"-I know that I have finally come to the place on my mission where the true, exponential growth opportunity is. So, I am changing my focus, since I get to decide what I focus on. Instead of looking at every guy and wondering if he is my next distraction, I am turning to my ladies. I am going to reach out and let my distraction be beautiful friendships, with women. I would rather have that then the quick fix that a man offers. Now that I think of it, my longest relationships have been my friendships with women, and ya know what, they have been the most enriching and rewarding relationships too.
My name is Tiffany, and I feel like I have taken a breath of amazingly fresh air. I am so thankful for you beautiful ladies, every single last one of you.