Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (the dating slump)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @casetines
I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you, I’m sitting at home, alone on a Friday.
Oh, hi. I didn’t see you there. Come on in and have a seat, I’ve made Bagel Bites. I’m so glad you made it. Look how far we’ve come, my baby. No, WAIT, COME BACK! Sorry, I won’t do that again. I swear… by the moons and the stars in the sky.
Seriously, L-O-L-J-K, K? I want to have a chat. Please stick around for awhile.
The reason that I invited you over here was because I’m in a slump. Yeah, that’s right. A dating slump. I don’t know what to do but maybe we could talk it out. How’d I get into this slump? Well, ever since January when I had a trio of dates that went varying levels of nowhere, I can’t buy a good date. And trust me, I’ve tried. The escort service was like “No. Stop calling. We no want your business.”
The last girl I went out with invited me over to her place and then rejected me when I tried to make a move. I’m still trying to remove the dagger from my heart on that one, but it’s stuck in there like the sword in the stone. The girl before that was great up until the moment she told me that she didn’t see a romantic relationship in our future. Oh, the girl before that? She was awesome! I wonder what ever happened to her, since she stopped returning my texts.
What’s a guy to do? Get back on the horse? Oh yeah, that wasn’t a problem. I did get right back on the horse. It’s not like K-Steins was about to give up, ya dig? I kept moving, kept shaking, kept the booty quaking. At least I tried and I tried to try. What happened? Not a single response.
It’s like the K-Man was throwing bait in the water over and over again and kept catching tuna cans. I cannot eat a tuna can, I am not a goat. Maybe I should convert to Goattism.
However, as a current non-Goat, a man must figure out what to do when his dating life has hit the skids. He must realize that not only does one ride the horse (or the goat, or a goat riding a horse flying on the wings of an eagle) but that man cannot ride horse if man does not mount horse. I’ve been flailing and jumping trying to get on the horse as if I am Peter Dinklage, but I can’t give up just because I failed. Eventually I’ll get onto the horse and mount the horse. The horse may not ride, but with enough trying I will have success.
It’s like anything else in life; hard work breeds success. Nothing comes for free.
It’s like Martha Washington once said: “Gotta get that. Gotta get that. Gotta get that BOOM BOOM BOOM!”
Been awhile since you’ve had a good date? Don’t worry, they will come. It’s like they say, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take…
Wait, that doesn’t really make any sense. How can you miss something you don’t take? Doesn’t seem fair. How about this: You will never have sex again if you never have sex again. You miss 100% of the girls or guys you don’t date. You can’t find love if you’re lookin’ for a porcupine sitting on a tuffet. (That last one is something I just imagined Paula Deen saying.)
Don’t fret pets and I won’t fret either. Slumps happen but you have to break out of a slump, it won’t happen on it’s own. You’re a baby raptor, trying to break out of it’s little baby shell so get out there and attack some people. Wait, that doesn’t sound right. I mean in the metaphorical sense of a raptor attacking it’s prey, but like, instead of that I mean knocking boots and stuff.
Does that make more sense?
Thanks for listening. Thanks for sharing. I don’t know what I’d do without you. Seriously. How do I live without you? I want to know. How do I breathe without you? By sucking in and out air? Not good enough. Must suck love.
Wait….
#thatisall
and don't forget to check out his blog!! <----- good shit!