#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Sour Times - Portishead

What a rough couple of weeks. Sunday will mark one month since I got hit in the head with a brick. Hilarious that on that night I will be on the red carpet for the Night of 100 Stars Party and then going to the after party for The Artist (for the Academy Awards)

All week I am doing things with the oscars, and I even have a fancy pants red carpet badge ... professionally speaking, things. are. the. shit. I'm headed to NYC next week to meet with this start up that I am TOTALLY head over heels in love with (but completely FREAKED OUT by them since their product is so culturally disruptive), and then I'm back for a few days and then head off to Austin for SXSW. 

Personally speaking however, I am realizing a lot of things that I am no longer resonating with and I'm starting to feel like a crab that is outgrowing its shell. 

Working with a Modern Day Shaman (and even a dating coach) has been one of the most eye opening experiences of my life. Your brain is like an onion, and it is your job every day to peel away more and more layers. 

The only problem with this, is that the more you explore spiritually the less people like to be around you. I have no filter ... ever. I say what I say and that isn't always the most tactful thing a person can do. I'm learning patience and tolerance in dealing with others, but when you are growing so fast I also enjoy moving around a lot and spending time with just myself. 

I am at the precipice now of deciding, as my buddy Josh put it the other day, figuring out where @JenFriel begins and where Jen Friel ends; I need to create that separation. I understand that I am the heart of this brand, and I am SO FREAKING EXCITED for where we are going - but I also need balance & boundaries. I NEED to have intimate relationships in my life and I need to create boundaries even with my friendships with people that cross the lines of personal and professional. 

My goal this year is to not only take a few leadership seminars (to learn how to lead more effectively and compassionately), but also to find other like minded women who either run their own business, have their own startup - and are as EQUALLY passionate about what they do as I am, and then we can totes be besties and like braid each other's hair n' shit.

I am praying to god that I don't end up like Liz Lemon when she went looking for her best friend in a Barnes and Nobel bathroom. 

If you don't watch 30 Rock, here's a hint ... it didn't end well. 

All I know in life is that like energy always. always. always. attracts. And if you ever want to know where you are, you have to look at the people around you. I am surrounded by an AMAZING group of talented, and beautiful women - but not a lot of other entrepreneurs. Is there something in me that I am denying in that capacity? Why don't I have friends that are female and take risks like I do? You absolutely HAVE to have a great support system in everything that you do, and these are some of the biggest moments in my life, so I need to find mentors and be open to newness of people that understand and can help me grow - it's the only way this is ever going to work. 

It's scary ... I'm scared ... but I'm also incredibly grateful and incredibly inspired. I've also noticed the closer you get to being in a "truer" state (whatever that really means) - the faster the universe gives you what you are asking for. I've already reached out to some amazing women today that inspire me ... so I'm excited to see where this all can go. 

All I know is that I'm scared but ready. 

Here's to you friends that I haven't friended yet!! Please just have long enough hair to braid. Not that there's anything wrong with short hair - but I really do make an EPIC french braid. 

Oh, but first here are two of my favorite quotes from my ABSOLUTE favorite book, The Alchemist ... 

There is one great truth on this planet: whoever you are, or whatever it is that you do, when you really want something, it's because that desire originated in the soul of the universe.... The soul of the world is nourished by people's happiness.

When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

Namaste Paulo ... na ... ma... ste ... 

#kthxbye

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