#RealDeal: Most women question if they are a "slut"

Dec 14

<editorsnote> Dear mom and dad, you are DEFINITELY not going to want to read this post. Like, I love you and all, but you need to go away. Super stoked to see you at Christmas, but yeah ... go ... now. You too Michael! </editorsnote>

Fact: I am an infinitely curious person. My parents will tell you that the first word out of my mouth was "no" and the second was "why?" I am extremely, extremely curious, opinionated, and open minded.

A few moments ago, we received this comment on a post that was published earlier in the day ...

The original post can be found right here.

I personally published that post. Why? Because it would stir up debate and I'm definitely a bit of a firestarter. I will die before I get into an argument with someone, but a healthy, intellectual debate I am ALWAYS game for (especially on a subject I have so much first hand information on).

Earlier this year I was blasted by a Gawker owned blog who basically slut shamed me to the entire auto industry.

I remember getting the heads up from my buddy (who at the time was the editor) while I was in Austin, and then actually LAUGHING while reading the post outloud for the first time.

Seriously? Me? A slut?

I then thought about it ... I like to deal with numbers. They're very tangible and defined leaving a very small margin for error.

Am I a slut? I talked openly about having a big blue dildo, liking the fact that I've had fuck buddies, and have published all of my sex life for the last 3 years online.

I then removed the emotional component and went back to my numbers ... there's no WAY I'm a slut.

I did 103 dates in 9 months and only slept with 6 dudes. Even OF the six there were FOUR that I would have ABSOLUTELY gotten into a relationship with. SIX in NINE MONTHS!!! Living in a big city, and dating 4 nights a week (which I was at the time) that's 270 nights and only SIX of them did I actually sleep with someone. That's every 45 nights!!! Based on LA dating standards, I have single friends that bone different dudes at least once a week.

Translation: I am very much not a slut.

All personal elements aside on this, I think every chick truly does wonder if she is a slut. This goes back to the American Pie day of when a dude says he's slept with 3 girls he's really only slept with one, and on the flip side of it when a woman says she has slept with 1 dude it really means three. Women will always want to "appear" less sexually active to not impede a mate's attraction to her, while a dude will always want to establish more dominance and appear to have "spread his seeds more."

Pro Tip: I personally, have NO desire to teach a guy what to do in bed. I'm 28. Get a girlfriend and get your shit together. Learn what to do.

As far as society dictating who is and isn't a slut? It's bullshit and no one can tell you that but yourself. Do you feel comfortable with your number? Or in my case of not knowing my number, do you feel confident within yourself and feel comfortable with all the men you have slept with? Being called a "slut" is a man's way of putting a woman down, and it's rubbish. As long as a woman has the confidence to truly feel comfortable within her own skin she will NEVER CARE!!! EVEN IF IT'S DONE IN SUCH A FUCKING PUBLIC MANNER AND SYNDICATED ACROSS THE ENTIRE FUCKING INTERNET!!!

As far as science and oxytocin goes? I can have an orgasm through penetration, and there are two dudes that have made me cum from sex, two from oral, one from just fingering (well played, sir), and one from using an "alternative" device. I am still friends TO THIS DAY with all of those dudes and they ABSOLUTELY have a special place in my heart. Immediately after they made me cum did I want to drop to my knees and ask them to have my children? No. But they're wonderful people, and we definitely share a bond. Sex is individualized. When the doors are locked and the drapes are closed, all bets on what society calls "normal" and science calls "factual" are off.

Lemme personalize this a bit more ...

I lost my virginity in high school but it was the most matter of fact way ever. I was about to move to NYC and I was PETRIFIED of being a virgin and people being able to "smell" it. (See how little I actually knew about sex?)

<tangent> My lack of emotional regard towards relationships was also apparent at an early age since I had just met this dude at a pool hall and asked him to take my virginity over IM. </tangent>

Either way ... I then lost it, and went to NYC where I proceeded to wait to have sex again. I kept thinking, I want to be in love before I do it again.

Yeah, right.

Flash forward to reality, and somewhere around the age of late 18/ early 19 (I was 17 in NYC), I started to have sex again. It was a strange feeling, but I mayyyyybbbbbeeee had sex once or twice during that time.

Then, I moved to LA and met Romeo. He and I had sex on and off at least once a week for however long we were seeing each other at any given time. He was the first guy I was "sexually active" with.

After Romeo, I dated a lot, but very rarely had sex. Then in June of 2006 I got into a relationship with Noah and stayed in it for almost a year.

After Noah, I had a few hot and wild trysts but I was still in this place of, blah. I didn't understand how to own my own sexuality so sex was still painful and kind of boring.

Flash forward to 2009, and I met the mentalist. One day while visiting him in LA (I had moved to Florida for a few months to commercial model) I had my first orgasm from penetration. I am not kidding you when I say sexually speaking, that. was. a. game. changer. (I also broke his bed while riding him. Yep, busted straight through the central beam. Very very proud life moment.) All of the sudden sex became less about the guy and more about me. It was slightly embarrassing at first letting a guy see the "O" face, but when you're comfortable enough with someone all of that just goes away.

After the mentalist, I then went out on the 103 dates in 9 months couch surfing for a year and again, only slept with 6 people during that time. That ended in April of 2011, and the rest has been what I personally like to call my "slutty" phase. I never went to college so a lot of the experiences that people have there I had, only I documented on this website. I had threesomes, watched orgies, it's comical now looking back but I can SO whole-heartedly say that I've SEEN it, BEEN there, and have DONE that. Absolutely NOTHING surprises me.

Can I still "bond" with men? And am I still "marriage" material? ABSOLUTELY!!! I fell in love with a man over the summer, and while he went down on me once, we NEVER slept together. I can say on an animalistic level, men tell me I smell like "honey." It's obviously pheromones since I don't wear perfume, but I can say very much first hand that even WHILE going through my own definition of a "slutty" phase, men have NEVER been more attracted to me, and I was still capable of falling in love and INTENSELY bonding with this person (if only for a brief period of time).

Bottom line:

Every girl has to have a slutty phase. If you went to college, great! You prolly had it there! If you didn't or were perpetually the "good girl" (like myself) it's cool, but know that it will catch up to you.

Does this make us bad people, or make us incapable of achieving true bonding with a man or true love? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! Being in love shook me, and woke me up from what I was doing. It was a very, very, beautiful thing which I will always be eternally grateful for.

So there's my sexual history internet. Think I'm a slut? And would you ever marry me?