#Fact: I just pulled a George Costanza on my hometown (10 year high school reunion recap)

.... I'm leaving on a high note, bitches. 

I just had the fucking time of my life last night. Incredible, incredible time and there was genuinely only one dude in my entire class that was a prick (and I am planning on publicly shaming him for it).

Awwww schnap. 

For the first time in years, I actually came close to having a panic attack this week. 

I don't want to do this, I lamented to my best friend over coffee, but I know I have to. 

I left West Hartford a decade ago, and it wasn't exactly on the best terms ... I left out of fear. 

Back in 2002 I was being stalked, and the girls were RELENTLESS. I couldn't go anywhere without one of them showing up so rather than stay around for something to happen - I moved to NYC. 

Obvi, too, it was where the direction of my career was going to take me, but either way I bolted from this town. I never fit in, I never felt like I belonged and the stalking was just the icing on the cake of the ass kick I needed to leave. (I only stayed in NY for a year before moving out to LA.) 

In the 9 years I've lived in LA I only came back to West Hartford once. (I was filming a TV show for comcast and I was producer on the project as well so to keep costs down I bunked in with a buddy who has a house here.) It was bittersweet being back. I was grateful to see a handful of my friends, but there was this lingering distaste and bitterness from never fitting in and resenting everyone for it.

I need to let this all go, I thought to myself. I can't move forward with my life until I make peace with this town and all the people in it. I need to let go of the anger I still have at feeling forced to leave and for still to this day feeling so afraid to come back.

Going to this reunion was a really big deal for me. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I had to put on my big girl pants and deal. 

You're a domme with 6 slaves and you just took a brick to your head this year, I think you can handle people you went to high school with, I assured myself in the mirror. 

I decided to prep for the evening though I would need a solid pre-game. 

I then hit up my buddy Dan on Facebook asking if we could kick it. 

That'd be great, he said. 

He then picked me up at the airport and we kicked it over at the Elbow Room all day. 

Because my hometown is pretty small, a few people from high school peppered in throughout the day. 

You're so and so I said to this one girl who was a grade above us and super popular. 

Hello, she said, with an attitude. 

I then turned and laughed. Yep, still a bitch. 

After a lot of drinks, water, coffee, and a meal Dan and I then headed over to the reunion. Because I was in charge of music, we were the first to arrive. 

 I then set up my 90s nostalgia playlist on Spotify and moments later people started to arrive. 

Deep breaths, I thought. Deep breaths. 

I then started talking to some people and immediately all of my cares and stresses were erased. 

Everyone was so chill and the conversations were surprisingly awesome. Pretty much everyone had heard what I had been up to with this site, so it was great cutting through all the bullshit and just asking people what they were super passionate about. 

It's so inspiring reading what you do, said one classmate. 

Thank you so so much, I said back. 

Over and over and over, person after person ... the love blew me away. 

Holy shit, I thought. What I'm doing must be a pretty big deal. This is West Fucking Hartford, people don't give a flying fuck about anything other than themselves and their appearance. To receive this kind of adoration was jarring and COMPLETELY unexpected. 

I caught myself a few times tearing up.

This is a really beautiful moment, I thought as I could physically feel the hate in my heart lifting. 

I then went up to the bar to get another drink and on my way over I thought I saw my old neighbor. 

Hi Brian, I said approaching. So good to see you. 

I'm not Brian, she said. 

What? I said back barely able to hear. 

I'm so and so she said. 

Wait, who? 

I'm so and so she said. 

I then realized that one of my classmates had had a sex change and I've now referred to her as a him and my foot IMMEDIATELY wanted to go into my mouth. 

Stop talking, Friel. STOP TALKING. ABORT ABORT ABORT!!!! 

Realizing there was no getting "out" of this conversation gracefully, I decided to literally just turn around and strike up a conversation with two other people in the group. 

You need to not be here right now, I thought. 

I then did an about face and just peaced out. 

I live in West Hollywood and I consider myself a try-sexual (try anything once). I am genuinely the most open minded person on the planet and I felt really really really bad. 

Shake it off. Shake it off.

I then went back up to the bar and was greeted by two friends. 

I have an open marriage, one of them admitted almost immediately. 

Being a lifecaster means everyone knowing all the weird shit that I do. By reading what I'm into others will just blurt out all the weird shit that they're into since they know its safe to talk to me about it. 

What are the boundaries around that, I asked? 

We've been together for 9 years so it just works for us. We can both have girlfriends or boyfriends. 

Wow, I said. It's not strictly for sexual purposes, you also have emotional connections? 

Yes, she said. 

The other classmate then starts laughing. You sound like Guliana Rancic. 

Thank you, I said laughing. I'm just curious. 

The girls then left and then one of my crushes approached. 

You're really beautiful, he said to me slurring. 

Thank you, I said back. 

And you're sweet, he said almost falling over. 

I started laughing as I thought I could TOTALLY have sex with you if I wanted to. 

The 12 year old inside of me laughed as I realized that was one fantasy I would never want to live out. 

It was good seeing you, I said touching his shoulder as I walked away. 

I made it about 5 feet before I heard, JEN FRIEL. 

I turn around and see my world civ crush. 

SWOON!!!! NEED. TO. HAVE. YOUR. BABIES. I thought. 

Let's go to the after party, he said. It's over at Butterfly. 

Okay, I said. 

I then grabbed my backpack from the back room and climbed into the truck with my world civ crush and another dude I went to school with. 

Both are equally gorgeous, FTR, but high school crushes die hard. 

It took EVERYTHING in me to not jump his bones then and there. There's something so innocently corruptible about him. I want to do the naughtiest things to this guy AND then grab breakfast in the morning. I would date this guy in a HEARTBEAT if he lived in LA. 

A few minutes later we ended up at the Butterfly (which is this chinese restaurant inside West Hartford center that has a pretty happening bar and karaoke). 

Then the inevitable happened ... 

we all started singing Let It Be. 

There were about 15 of us, and man ... drunken Beatles songs may not have sounded great, but bonding felt pretty awesome. 

LETTTT ITTTT BBBEEEEEEE, I sang. 

We were then kicked out moments later, and I crashed at my friend Steph's place. 

This morning, I woke up still in my party dress and went downstairs to get a glass of water. 

I see her step-dad in the kitchen. 

Hello, I said introducing myself. 

He starts laughing as I ask where the glasses were. 

Over there, he pointed. 

I then filled up my glass laughing to myself as I ran up the stairs. I feel like I'm 13 again and her step-dad is going to assume that I am a "bad influence." 

Oh West Hartford. 

I then grabbed breakfast with a group of friends this morning and we all recapped our experiences. 

I couldn't stop smiling, laughing, and blabbing semi-incoherently. 

There is so much love here, I thought.

I don't know if this is a good thing or not, I said to the group, but I thought this was going to suck and everything about last night was surprisingly awesome. Everyone was SO NICE and sweet except for Elliot M...z. 

I love him, said one of the girls. 

He's still a prick, I said. I feel like he plucks the eye lashes off of baby giraffes for shits and giggles. He's just not a nice human being. 

And there you have it. I'm currently kicking it over in West Hartford center before I have to head to the airport this evening for my date in Colorado in the morning. I'm not quite sure how sexy sexy I'm going to feel stepping off a plane after sleeping in the airport for the night, but I'll figure out a way to own it. 

Thanks again to everyone from my class that made last night truly spectacular. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm genuinely going to miss a lot of you.

Peace out West Hartford. I leave this place now with a lot of love in my heart and if anyone ever wants a place to stay in LA, please hit me up!! I promise to show you all a good time. 

Much love. FRIEL OUT!!!!!! 

#thatisall

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