#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick (back to worky work work)

Oct 9

Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.

#nowplaying: Girl on Fire - Alicia Keys

Hi nerds,

First off, I just wanted to say thank you all so so so so soooo much for the emails, comments, tweets, and posts re: my family. I read every one and truly, from the depths of my everything - thank. you.

Losing my grandmother wasn't "painful" it was this reminder of a hole that has been present in my soul for literally as long as I can remember. Emotional abuse is a gnarly thing to experience, but like everything else in life - as long as my heart is still beating and my lungs are still expanding it is just a life experience that I will one day look back on and maybe not be grateful for, but be aware at the strength it gave me.

2012 has been one of the most interesting years of my life.

The first 6 months of the year this business was in HYPER HYPER growth, and now the last 4 months, on the flip side of things, my personal life has been in HYPER HYPER growth. Even my buddy aka the dude from Silicone Beach Fest said to me on Saturday that he can't believe how much I had evolved in the few months that I hadn't seen him. Chapters of my childhood are closing in rapid succession and all it is is a confirmation that I KNOOOWWW I am going to be settling down soon and starting to pop babies out of my belly.

I want to be a mom, I want to be a wife, and while I date and find this person in the meantime - this business keeps me PLEENNNTTYYY busy and watching this brand grow has been truly the greatest gift anyone has ever given me.

I had a meeting yesterday with a feature film production company, as well as this week more meetings with advisors, and one on Monday with a very large entertainment agency that is interested in investing in us. (Coincidentally too they represent the scripted TV show based on this site.) I'd like to think all of this business popping seemingly out of the blue is my grandmother making up things to me - but only time will tell when the ink is dry on the contracts. =) Get to work, bitch!

On the personal side, this experience has also been very eye opening. I've made someone a priority for the last few months and it continues to fall flat. I'm a painfully, painfully optimistic person and because I love with all my heart, I genuinely expect others to do the same. I'm now starting to realize that maybe it's just not the case. It's obviously all just part of the journey, and there are never hard feelings, but as I was processing a lot of this last night I saw this trailer and this one quote in particular stood out to me ...

See 1:40

"- Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we're nothing?"

"- We accept the love we think we deserve."

That's SO SO SO TRUE!!! The 103 dates in 9 months taught me of life's reflectiveness and how attraction and those "butterflies" are only rooted in emotional recognition.

ANNNNNNDDD I have also learned in the last few months that men will absolutely ONLY treat you the way you are projecting to be treated. (Being a dominatrix certainly helped me come to that conclusion) Literally every guy I've dated in the last 6 months has told me over and over what a lady I am, and how much they've enjoyed my company.

I'm so so grateful for these experiences in dating, and for all of you.

This last week hasn't been easy, but knowing you all were behind me kept me focused and strong and now I am headed back to work with my head held high and a smile on my face.

OH OH! And tonight, I'll be promoing the new HTC One X Smartphone for AT&T at the Yelawolf concert, and tomorrow the "Date My School" Google hang out returns!!

Keep on rockin out nerderinos, and thanks again for all the inspiration.

Much love and many blessings!!