#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride (Julie's Guide to Healing From a Heartbreak)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ItsMeJoolie
Sooooo....
Going through a breakup, huh? I'm sorry, because I have most definitely been there. As you can read through previous posts, I went through a pretty traumatic break up and made it through it. You can, too. I promise.
I want to make something CRYSTAL clear first! I would never, never tell anyone what they should NOT do in this type of situation. You will probably do something unhealthy or stupid in this phase. I won't judge you for it. All I can do is tell you what worked for ME. So here it is: Julie's Guide to Healing From a Heartbreak.
Step 1: Indulge the pain.
Eat some ice cream. Wear sweatpants. Hide under your comforter and cuddle with your cat. Take a day or two off of work. And cry, cry, cry. Watch Sex and the City. Call your mom and friends.
Step 2: Pamper (make yourself look hot).
As a consequence of Step 1, you may have put on a pound or two. (I was the opposite, I stopped eating until I dropped 15% of my weight and my hair started to fall out). Either way, if you look like shit, you're going to feel even worse about yourself and the whole situation. Here's where working out comes in handy. You look like shit and you're an emotional roller coaster. Take all of that emotional energy and work it out! Transfer the want to cry into running on a treadmill. Someday soon, you will want to start dating again. Think about all the new hot people you can date. Think about running over your ex's face a million times. Take that asshole! For me, I couldn't have gotten through the healing process without yoga and meditation.
Then go to a salon and get your hair cut/colored. Get your nails done. Get waxed. Get ready.
Step 3: Party like it's 1999.
I went out and partied. My God, did I party. I couldn't bear the thought of being home by myself. Be careful with your alcohol intake here. You owe yourself a couple of sloppy nights, but let's not give yourself something else to feel bad about.
Step 4: Forgive yourself for whatever stupid shit you did between Steps 1 through 3.
Step 5: Get your shit together.
I was always spot on when it came to paying all of my bills. I had this schedule that I would follow- pay a,b, and c the first half of the month and x,y, and z the second half. When my relationship ended, so did that. Shit got paid when it got paid. So take a breath and look around and see what you can clean up. Make sure you're performing as you should be at your job. Here I am a year and a half later and the other day I looked at my filing cabinet and realized that after all of this time, it was still a mess and that I really need to finally go through the stack that developed while I was nursing my wounds.
Step 6: See a therapist.
You don't have to see this person forever if you don't want to. Maybe it's just for two months. It might depend on how long the relationship was, if there was legal stuff to work through (divorce), children involved, how bad the betrayal was, etc. I couldn't shut the hell up during my recovery. All I could talk about was my ex. My poor mother listened to hours and hours of me verbally working through the littlest sentence my ex said or me ripping apart an incident in the past. Give your friends and family a break. The last thing they want to do is hurt you but they are tired of listening to you talk about your break up!! A neutral third party can help you to see what is really happening and help you to work through it.
Step 7: Work On You.
This can mean different things to everyone. For me it meant building out a network of friends. Discovering hobbies. Getting back to what made me, me.
Step 8: Have an Adventure.
I was sad. I wanted to feel happy. Short of doing drugs, this is the best method for getting away mentally for a bit from your problems. It made me feel alive at a time when I felt dead inside. It also really helped boost my self esteem because I felt like I woke up from a coma and I had missed out on life. Doing new stuff made me feel alive and exciting. Some of the adventures I went experienced include:
Zip lining in Asheville, NC
Partied for the first time in Las Vegas
Dancing on stage with Prince
Skydiving for my birthday
San Diego Comic Con (first time in SD and I slept in my car)
Step 9: Give Yourself Some Credit
I recently discovered the TV show Intervention and was so drawn in. I couldn't believe how these people were just willing to throw their lives away. And they had all of these people around them who loved them. One night I watched two episodes in a row and both of them focused on women who turned to drugs/alcohol after they lost their significant other. It shocked me and made me realize that I could have let myself fall apart. I could have just given up. I felt really silly about being proud of myself. But dude! I didn't let this ruin me. In fact, I'm happier than I have ever been. And you can be, too.
Good luck!
Love, Julie
#nerdsunite
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