#WTF: About last night ... Can I get a rundown? (Threesome with Mr. & Mrs. Smith)

Jan 7

What is going on right now ... it's really funny when people a few years older than me read the stories on this site - they all laugh. Apparently this is all COMPLETELY normal.

I don't know if this is just an LA thing - but people are freaky as FUCK!!!

Anywho, lemme break this all down for you.

SOOOOOOOO ... I met Mr. and Mrs. Smith (names have been changed) last year during my 103 dates in 9 months.

See, one of the dates happened to be female.

Really fucking rad girl, had an ah-mazing time ... but I learned from that experience that I totes don't swing that way. Wasn't anything against her, the chick is smokin - but in talking to her and in talking to other friends of mine that are lesbians, it is literally like a part of the brain and for me to be sexually satisfied in that regard I need a penis. Period end of sentence. Women are delightful foreplay, but then - I need the da dun da dun.

Either way, I happened to meet this couple that evening, and we stayed friends on all social networks for the last year - and I kid you not ... every. single. weekend. these people uploaded the best pictures ever ... and it had nothing to do with the people that were in it being attractive, or that they were at exotic locations, or anything special - you could tell by their GENUINE smiles that these people are very literally having the time of their life.

The fact that I also knew that they were COMPLETE freaks also opened my eyes because I could tell that there was a sense of peace in their sexual satisfaction. It was like these people knew what they wanted, made no excuses about it, and aligned with like energy to execute.

Fucking. Brilliant.

... and crazy inspiring.

I want that one day. They are so happy in their relationship, but are the freest spirits ever.

I then decided I wanted to learn from them.

I forget who contacted whom - or how things went down, but sometime around Christmas we all started talking, and they told me they were going to be in downtown on January the 6th and that we should get together. (They're not from LA.)

RAD! I thought, I have a friend's birthday party to go to that night, and I will also just so happen to be in downtown.

<tangent> LA is a very regional place. Venice people stay in Venice ... Hollywood people party in Hollywood ... and downtown people live way the fuck down there. To live in Hollywood and party in downtown is kind of a schlep. I'm not mad at it, but I don't do it very often. </tangent>

So, last night I got ready, and got on the city bus ... lifecasted the experience as usual. Here were some of the highlights ...

<tangent> It's funny people keep asking me if these bat shit stories are going to change once I get my car back, and I laugh reminding them that I've also gone out on not one ... but TWO dates with guys I met in traffic. So no, the way I meet people will obvi be different, but I'm a people magnet. This. Will. Always. Happen. Oh and also, if you're ever traveling late at night taking public transportation - wear sunglasses.

I know that this may look weird, but you have to understand that if someone is going to attack you on the bus, or do some funky shit - it's not personal, you were a low hanging fruit. How do you eliminate being a low hanging fruit? Add in a variable. See, people who wear sunglasses at night are, for the most part, on drugs. No one is going to fuck with you if they think you're on drugs because you could COMPLETELY freak the fuck out on them and attack right back. True story. I've taken the bus at 3 am from downtown to Hollywood MULTIPLE times, and no one has ever fucked with me. ::knock on wood:: I may be crazy but trust, it's calculated risk!! </tangent>

I then got off the bus, went to my friend's birthday party and had a TOTAL blast. So much freaking fun, and a group of friends that I never get to kick it with.

Then sometime later I got a text from the Smiths.

Them: Hows it going?

Me: About to get better. Where you be?

They then gave me the address to their hotel and after a long walk in my Blowfish shoes, I arrived.

I walk into the lobby of the hotel, which btw was BEEAAUUUTTIIFFULLL ... and met everyone at the little bar area.

The second I saw the Smiths I got the BIGGEST bear hug ever!!!!

Sooooo glad to see you, they said. Can't believe you actually showed up!

I shot them this look and said, dude, my word is my honor - and like I would miss this evening for the world? hahahaa

We then grabbed some drinks, and they introduced me to a few of their friends and we all started dancing.

Moments later I was in a sandwich with Mrs. Smith and another girl and I thought ooohhhhh this is going to be fun.

I then did my best attempt to get all sexy and grinding to the beat.

Yeah ...

I then seductively tilted my head back to look hot, and then wound up headbutting Mrs. Smith.

Really Friel?? Is this happening right now???

She's great and made no fuss about it - but I couldn't help but feel awkward. I just DO NOT HAVE A SEXY BONE IN MY BODY!!!!! Every time I think I'm doing something sexy it comes off CRAZY goofy and good god - just every shade of horrible.

The Smiths then called me out on it ...

You're such a badass and so confident on your site, but you're SOOO shy in person. Do you ever let loose?

This is me letting loose, I said. I haven't tweeted in HOURS! (That was only due to spotty reception, ftr - I got frustrated looking for service so I just gave up.)

I then continued, in business - yes, I play in boys clubs ... I run the site, run my brand - it's my baby and my thing in this world. You HAAAAVVEEEEE to be tough and you HAAAAAVVVEEEE to be able to throw down or people will walk all over you. Personally, however, I shut all of that off - and people are always INCREDIBLY surprised when they find out how shy I am.

Mr. Smith pressed on - you do realize that is what makes you that much more fucking adorable right.

AWWWWW I said letting out a little giggle.

OMMMGGGG that LAAAAUUUGGHHH!!!!

<tangent> Don't ever get me started on laughing - I giggle like a motherfucker. And ESSPPEECCIIALLLYYY if I am nervous, I not only turn BRIGHT red but ... yeah ... I can't stop.

Exhibit A: Forward to 2:01

</tangent>

Mrs. Smith then grabs me again, and we go back to the girl dancing sandwich. I'm not going to lie, it was pretty hot. The other chickadee is a professional dancer in Vegas and man, oh, man - the girl could move.

Things quickly progressed from the dance floor to my tonsils. I actually got to have what I believe was my first all girl three way kiss.

::checked off of bucket list::

Then the dancer pulled me aside and we sat down on top of this booth to rest her feet.

We started talking for a minute or two - about what, I have no idea.

Then she leans in and starts kissing me ... in the bar ... while sitting not in, but on top of this booth.

Dudes, I'm not even kidding you - this was some straight up Wild Things shit.

I then catch my breath, look up, and notice we have company.

Excuse me, said the guy - but I heard from a friend (who I have no idea) that you girls weren't full blown just into chicks, and I was wondering if you maybe wanted some company.

Are you really this guy right now, I wonder.

You're REALLY the guy that is going up to two chicks making out at a bar and asking if you can be of uh, service?

PUH-LEASE!

I thanked him, but shooed him away.

Ready to go upstairs, asked Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

Absofreakinglutely.

Mrs. Smith then pulled me aside - are you cool if the threesome became a foursome?

Of course, I said. I say yes to everything ... always.

Just know I am going to be painfully shy and awkward at all times- but I eventually do start to get out of my head.

They laugh as we all headed upstairs.

Wow, I thought on the elevator ride up - I've done some freaky shit in my life, but a four way with 3 girls is up there.

We then got inside the hotel room, and started making drinks.

I then noticed this sign and snapped a picture ...

Dude, its the interwebz - it's pics or it didnt happen!!

I have to come up with as many ways to tell the story without revealing people's identities. So yeah ... this just had to happen.

We then get our drinks and moments later there is a knock on the door.

Some of the people from downstairs had made their way up and apparently everyone still wanted to party.

But ... uh ... meh ... I thought.

I then quickly analyzed the situation, and you could just SMELL the sex in the air - oh fuck, I thought, this is going to turn into an orgy.

I then started tweeting out like mad what was going on.

A French engineer then started talking to me. He was asking me about TNTML and how I could run a site talking about nerds.

I was BORN a nerd, dude. It's who you are at your core, how you process things ... all the site talks about are things that interest me. It's my personality broken down into digital form, and that has attracted other people to write THEIR stories about the other shit that interests them ... and 60 nerds later, we roll deep.

I, of course, maybe got half of that out because at that point the vodka had started to get to me.

I am a CRAZY good drinker, btw. I'm 27 - know my limits ... but primarily drink beer. I'm not mad at hard alcohol, I'm just not really a fan. Beer is the GREATEST THING EVER ... but all they had was vodka. So yeah, I think I got every third or fourth word out.

I then put my phone down, went to use the restroom and then when I came back out, there were puppets in the room.

I am absolutely 100% not even kidding.

I don't know who owned them, or why they were there ... but all of the sudden the chicks in the room started to get out of their clubbing clothes and into puppets.

And not even for sexual purposes, they just all randomly wanted to play with puppets.

I IMMEDIATELY reach for my phone and start tweeting this out.

I couldn't take pics of the actual puppets without getting someone's face in the photo - but I could at least say when this was going down in real time.

<tangent> It's funny too as a lifecaster, I never know where the story is going to be ... I just experience, and feel - and somewhere, somehow the story just comes to me. In this moment I KNNEEEWWWWWWWWWWW the fact that puppets got brought out to what looked like was going to be an orgy was going to be the story - it was my job at that point to remember as many of the details as possible by tweeting it out.

Come to think of it, I don't think there were actual strippers. People did strip, and one of the girls did mention them being there, but I don't know on that part. </tangent>

I then got yelled at by Mrs. Smith for being on my phone.

Whatcha doin over there? she inquired.

OOHHHHHHH nothing ... ::snicker snicker::

She then went with one of the other girls to get some ice, and as the puppets got put away, I went to go and find Mr. Smith who was on the bed in the other room.

I knocked on the door.

JEN FRIEL - he shouted. GET OVER HERE!!

BAHHH!! I screamed as I literally fell into bed with him.

::breathe Friel - be cool::

Moments later we started making out. I maybe shouldn't have had a piece of pretzel peanut butter bit before going into the room, but whatever - he didn't seem to care.

My clothes then started to come off ... and shit got heated.

RAAAWWWRRRRRRRR!!!

There is then a knock at the door - it was another girl, she wanted to show Mr. Smith something.

Oh, I've got something to show him - I thought.

About ten minutes later she left, and we continued.

Then, Mrs. Smith walked in.

THANK YOU GOD! I thought

She comes over to the bed and watches me and Mr. Smith make out.

Mind you, I am in a short ass skirt, knee highs - and not much else. Every bit of my everything was COMPLETELY turned on.

I don't like to be interrupted pushed Mr. Smith.

But JEENNNN FFRRRIIIIEEELLLLLLL he said, holding my face in his hands.

Mrs. Smith then came over and kissed me, while Mr. Smith went ... um ... let's just call that down-downtown.

This is the single greatest moment of my life, I thought. Never in my life have I felt two people that just KNNEEEWWWW what the fuck to do. Wow. Wow. Wow.

We're going to continue this they said but in a more private setting.

I came up for air literally wondering my own name. I ... uh ... yeah.

We then went back into the other room to not be "those people" - and about an hour later I headed back home. For one, I was tired, and two I had left my contact case at home, and I can't sleep in my contacts this time of the year when my allergies are so bad. So - yeah!

But either way, this isn't a "the end" - it's more of a ... to be continued ...

Can we leave the puppets at home next time though? I'm into toys and I'm into all types of crazy shit, but I want to BE an animal, not be mauled BY Animal.