Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral (What you said, what I read)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @casetines

It’s time for another edition of everybody’s favorite game show, What You Said and What I Read!

Duh-duh-da-duuh.  Duh-duh-da-duhh.  Duh-duh-da-da-DA-duh, da-da-da-da-da-duh-duh-da-DUH!!!!

Our first dater.. COME ON DOWN!

Here is what YOU said!

 

 

Here is what I read!

“Possessions.  I love possessions.  Buy me things to win my heart.  Also, I am close with my family.  But first and FOREMOST… SHOES!”

There are so many of things about this first sentence that make me go “HMMM” 

First of all, she starts out her profile with what her shoes of choice are?  I could be outdated on what the current gender stereotypes are, but I think this would be more appropriate on a website where you were just trying to make some other ladies to be friends with.  I’m not sure why a guy would be super concerned with what your “shoes of choice” are.

GUY: “Hmm.  This chick seems cool.  Has two dogs.  Has a pretty smile.  Likes Guns N Roses.  But seriously though, what kind of shoes does she like?  How can someone fill out a profile and not talk about footwear?  Gimme a break lady.  Fill out the “Shoes” section of your profile first and then MAYBE I’ll drop you a line.”

Second of all, her shoes of choice are “Uggs, flip flops, chucks, workout shoes or my fancy high heels.”  So, your shoes of choice are… “All”? 

“My car of choice is two-door, four-door, convertible, hard-top, truck, jeep, SUV, ATV, motorcycle, unicycle, jet-ski, ski-doo, or my fancy bi-plane!”

Third of all, your self-summary reads as: 1. I love shoes.  2. I’m from Los Angeles.  3. I’m REALLY close to my family and friends. 4. I’m a photographer/artist.  5… I’m growing tired of reading at this point.

I mean, beyond the fact that she has listed shoes ahead of where she’s from, that she is close to her family, and what she does for a living, is one thing that’s very curious, but what really kills it for me is that her self-summary is one, long jumbled mess.  It’s the longest run-on sentence in the history of run-on sentences. 

I can’t keep up with it, I care not to continue.  I was actually so curious about it that I copy/pasted it into word and guess how many words her self-summary is.  542!!!!  If you’re wondering how long that is in comparison to what it looks like on screen, here is an idea: From what you’ve read in this very article by now, THIS is the 420th word! (haha, that 420 was not planned.)

 Seriously, I know that I can be long-winded, but her self-summary is over 100 more words than what you have read in this article.  And it’s only stuff about her.  And most of it is filler information. 

You have a whole lot of profile to fill out that will help explain who you are, don’t try and smush it all in at once.  And yes, that IS what she said. 

Sorry dater, see ya later.

Next dater, COOMMMEE.  ONNNNN.. DOWNNN!!!!!!

Here is what YOU said!

 

 

 

Here is what I read!

“Favourite.  Favourite.  Favourite. Murder. Death. Kill.”

The best way to describe my last 10 minutes is in novel form:

Kenny was perusing OkCupid profiles, clicking around and looking for people that had something interesting, funny, or witty to say. 

:click: :click: :click:

He slumped in his chair, symbolically flipping through the pages of the women of Los Angeles, the single souls of thousands of others that were looking for that one connection that would dutifully make all the other connections seem inconsequential and flimsy in comparison.  If he had only known what the next click would bring, he may have never tried this online search to begin with.

:click:

“Oh, here is an interesting profile,” he thought to himself.  “This girl’s got that Echo Park-ness to her.  Hipster, purple hair, into music and art.”

He doesn’t mind any of those things.  He likes girls that are a bit “on the edge” and she certainly was representing herself in this way.  Then he came across a single word that changed everything.

“Favourite”

“Oh, is she British?  Canadian?  That would be cool.  I love British girls.”

But Kenny continued to look through the profile to find some hint that she was from across the pond.  He found no evidence that she was.  He tried to stay calm, but frantically he continued his search for some semblance of proof that said she was not American.  Instead he found the word again.  And again.

He was trying to keep his calm, but sweat consumed his brow and his heart began to race.

“WHY IS SHE WRITING THAT WORD LIKE THAT?!  WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT TO ME?!” Kenny screamed out, in a panic, in a crisis.  It took every fiber of his being to not pick up the computer and smash it into a million pieces and then pick up those pieces and smash each one into a million more.  “If the internet is a series of cables and wires, then I will spend until my dying day pulling those wires and cutting those cables so that no person would ever dare to be use a word like “favourite” or “colour” unless that person came from a country that put u’s into those words!” 

He reached into his desk drawer for the pint of whiskey tucked behind the files and without taking the time to grab a glass he screwed off the cap.  He didn’t even put the cap down, he just let it fall out of his hand as he tipped the glass container into his mouth and let the sweet taste of calmness drain down his throat. 

This would not be a day he would soon forgive, but maybe some time in the future he can forget.

“I pray I forget.”

 

DUH-DUH-DA-DUH!  FINAL DATER COME ON DOWWWWWNNNN!!!!!!

Here is what YOU said!

 

Here is what I read!

“I like to state the obvious.  I have no standards.”

The “You should message me if: You want to” is one of the most common “You should message me if” statements, right ahead of knowing the difference between there, their, and they’re.

I don’t really get it.  If I had gotten to the end of the profile and was undecided, then this certainly isn’t going to change my mind.  It sort of just states the obvious, like saying, “You should not message me if you’re a serial killer.”

I think this section is one of the most skipped to sections of anything on OKC and for good reason.  People want to see a summarization of how you match to them and I think that’s why OKC put it at the end.  Like, “In conclusion…” 

For whatever reason, once I put up a list of things I like and dislike in a girl, or a list of preferences, I started to get a lot more messages TO me rather than just sending OUT messages.  I don’t get nearly as many messages as a hot girl would, but I probably get the same amount of messages that Kathy Bates would.  Which is a lot for a guy like me!

Girls looked at that section and said “Oh hey, most of those are me!” and then would message me saying something like “Hey, most of those are me!”  People want to look for something to relate to or something that makes them feel like a match to somebody else.  It’s one thing for me to list a bunch of stuff about ME throughout my whole profile but then at the end I list things about YOU.  That’s the key, when I start to talk about YOU then you feel a lot more comfortable.  Girls don’t typically do the “ask a guy out first” thing but they might if you make them feel comfortable right out of the gate.  My most successful dates came when the girl made initial contact, and that all started with the “You should message me if” section becoming more specific and not just “You want to.”

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