#NerdsUnite: I just graduated college!! But um, now what? (Panic Attacks and Stripper Poles)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Megan. She recently just graduated from SDSU and is now entering the world with a fresh pair of eyes in a stinky economy. In these series of posts she will discuss her thoughts and discoveries as she ventures out into the real world. Hit it Meg!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @MegCorbs
Here is the 2nd installment of what I loving call: Anxiety is an asshole that I kicked to the curb. First installment can be found here. I'm hoping that by sharing my story I can somehow help anyone dealing with anxiety and show you know that if I can beat it so can you!
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Leading up to college was a nightmare anxiety wise. I was about to leave my family, friends, everyone I knew and loved to move to a new city. I found out later that my parents actually didn't think I'd make it. I kept it together but was SO scared about what was to come.
That changed once I actually got there and realized that I could be ANYTHING I wanted to be. I didn't need to be the shy girl anymore. I mean, I could at least FAKE confidence, they didn't know what I was like in high school.
The distraction worked for a little while. While of course the anxiety was still there I could at least distract myself with the newness and excitingness of it all. Parties, boys, new friends, etc.
Then came that fateful night.
It was a typically party night on campus. I pre-gamed (aka took lots o shots) with my 2 partners in crime (L and M). I was inseparable from these girls. We did EVERYTHING together, not to mention that M was my suite mate in the dorms.
We set off to an apartment party that was only a 2 min walk. When we got inside all the furniture in the place consisted of a couch, stripper pole and kitchen table and the whole apartment was decked out in black lights. Classy, huh?
I got trapped talking to a guy that was also on our floor and having issues with L and their hooking up arrangement. He was saying some pretty awful things about her so of course I came to my friend's defense. He ended up getting pissed and storming away with some random girl.
I got up to look for M and L and could't find them anywhere. I strolled through the kitchen where there was a huge group of guys. They started pulling me and pushing me, being really suggestive the whole time. I freaked out and hightailed it the hell out of there.
As I was fleeing the apartment back to my dorm my heart started racing. I called one of my best friends at the time S and she tried to calm me down. Tears were flowing down my face and my hands and feet were getting all tingly. On the way back I see L and M who tell me that they were just dropping off M's sweater and were on their way back. They didn't say anything because I had been talking to L's duderino at the time.
I just screamed "YOU LEFT ME!" at the top of my lungs and ran away. By the time I climbed the 7 floors to my room (because waiting for the elevator sounded horrible) I was a complete mess. I started hyperventilating (and not because of the stairs) and had to stick my head between my legs to help with dizziness.
By the time the girls got there and started pounding on my door I felt like I wasn't in control of my body or my racing mind. It feels like you are being sucked into some dark hole and are trying to claw your way out.
In the midst of this I was screaming obscenities and saying absolute horrible things to the girls about leaving me. Even though looking back they obviously thought I was fine and didn't know about the creepers in the kitchen, at the time I blamed them for everything.
It took me awhile to realize that I had a panic attack. My first of MANY to come. M is still one of my closest friends today but this incident created a wedge between us that took A LONG time to overcome and I can honestly say I don't blame her for that.
Next up: Lots and Lots of panic attacks and realizing I needed help...
#nerdsunite
Click here to follow Megan on twitter and check out her blog here
Want to take it out of 140 characters? Email: Mcorbett10@gmail.com