#NerdsUnite: Ask That Nerdy Chick ... (how to deal with your roommate's sexual activity)

Jan 25

It is my goal for 2012 to take a lot of my weird and wonky experiences as a lifecaster and help nerdy dudes & dudettes out by providing a frank (not shirley) and honest answer to some weird and potentially random questions you may have about life.

Here is a question that was emailed to me last night (names have been changed). ::deep breath::

Jen,
Why hello my love! it is indeed Caller 5, XXX's friend from good ol Merryland :) first off completely congrats on the stage show this week it will be all sorts of AWESOME! But I HAVE to ask you and good people of the internet this question that has been plaguing me. I wrote a blog post about it but hey, my blog reaches like ten people while yours reaches thousands! So the more opinions the better in this situation
Alright so my roommate, we will call her roommate E recently has gotten a boyfriend (YAY! so happy for her and her boyfriend is awesome)

So with coming along with the boyfriend comes....the sex of course
They are newly together and of course wanna bone alll ze time. I totally understand! Totes mcgotes all for a healthy sex life and enjoying yourself!
BUTTTTT

dude. they bone all the time. ALL THE TIME.

Its getting to the point where they do it every night and it keeps me up or is during when we all are home and awake. Hell, I don't mind hearing sex every once in awhile I mean everyone has those times! But every single night...they try to keep it down but I just feel awkward cause its blatantly obvious. Lets be real its hard to continue on brushing your teeth while you hear bed slamming into the wall and squeaks of the mattress. Walls are also pretty thin in my house. Noise travels. I don’t know, but I just feel really awkward. Especially since the roommates know that I am not having sex (personal reason) for awhile.

example where sex prevails:

Like the other night all of the roommates decided to go out to the bar (which we rarely all do together)! So excited that I got to hang out with the two lovely ladies!. So I got there around 1145 with roommate L (2^nd roommate) and roommate E was already there. They both had men/other other friends and I was single lady (and did not see any men worth dancing with) So I sat and chatted with some friends, starting to have a good time.

Of course around 1230 I get a call from roommate E about leaving the bar....ALREADY?! It had only been 45 freaking minutes! But I didn't want to walk home alone so I went home with her, new boyfriend, and their friends that were a couple. Everyone agreed that we all had just simply ran out of money and were all going to go home and have a mini-party and keep drinking, dancing and having fun. I was a little mad that I just paid cover but hey, as long as the party can keep going why not!

We get to my house and within a half hour, everyone around me went to their designated areas and are boning.

So, I sit in my room.
by myself
....
yep.
had to turn the tv up to not hear everyone gettin their freak on
I wanted to have a good night out but just did not work out.
SO I ask your help my love

Do people have this problem? Have you had this issue? Am I at fault here? Am I asking too much? What are your opinions on the situation?!

please help meeee

love,
your lovely Caller 5 from Maryland :)

Okey dokey Caller 5 - couple of things are going on here ...

First up, let's address the sexual boundaries in the house. I have a roommate, and I am absolutely MORTIFIED anytime she can hear me having sex. It's not cool (especially in places where there are thin walls) for peeps to get their freak freaked loudly when other people are home. It's a respect thing. Sure, every once in a while hearing your roommate have sex isn't the end of the world, but like you said - when it comes to brushing your teeth and interrupting you during basic life functions, you have to set a boundary and explain to her why this bothers you.

That's where a lot of this honestly all comes down to - boundaries. She needs to respect that you pay half the rent (or whatever you pay) as well, and expect to live in a safe environment emotionally and physically. The fact that you are not having sex and she is SO LOUDLY every night isn't kosher for passover. It's incredibly disrespectful.

As far as the night at the bar, again, totally disrespectful. I have to admit though, I was thoughtless like that in my early 20s. You would never catch me DEAD doing that shit over the age of 25, but when you're in your early 20s you tend to do stupid shit. I guarantee you none of your roommates meant to do that, but it was supremely douchey.

What I'd suggest doing is surrounding yourself with single female friends. Clearly you're still enjoying the bar scene and want to see what is out there, while your roomies are happy with what they have. Both are totally awesome in their own right, but you can't fit a square peg in a circle hole. You're all on different paths right now - so just embrace it ... BUT also have a chat with your roomies about the sexual volume in the house. Take them aside when their SigO's aren't around, and speak from your heart on why this is bothering you. They will be appreciative of your honest nature, and should they for whatever reason not respect you STILL at that point - time to hit up Craigslist.