#Fact: Life requires balance (In loving memory of @treypennington)

Sep 4

I just had the weirdest day ever. Like ever ever. And trust - that says a lot ...

I was filming today for the TV show WHIIICHHHH btw, I can announce tomorrow - SCORE!!! And one of the episodes is called "Love is in the Air." For said episode (I am producer as well on this project) - I decided to make a sign that said "Free hugs in honor of #love" and give out free hugs in the middle of Harvard Square.

I found out today that Boston was recently voted the coldest city in America - seemed fitting.

While I was sitting at the Starbucks in Harvard Square a woman approached me and said she loved what I was doing. Thank you, I said. She then sat down next to me.

I just found out a friend of mine committed suicide today and had more people done more things like this, who knows what would have happened.

Then, not wanting to appear like a patron saint - I admitted that this was for a TV show.

She smiled saying, it doesn't matter, it's still being done.

She asked if I worked in TV at that point, and said no, I run a website - but I am in town to film this show.

What's your twitter handle?

Oh, @JenFriel, I said.

Wait, that sounds familiar. I think I follow you. Oh, then you must have known @TreyPennington.

Of course I know Trey - the dude has 100,000 followers, you can't be in the marketing space and NOT know Trey.

He's the one who killed himself today - it JUST happened (this was 3pm EST, he died at 1pm).

Wait, what?! Trey Pennington ... THE Trey Pennington ... No way.

I then grabbed my Droid Charge, flipped open WhoSay, and BOOM - just like that ... there was his avatar - there was his final tweet:

Shut. The. Front. Door.

Here is this RANDOM woman coming up to me at a Starbucks, across the country from my home, and not only does she feel compelled to talk to me - she also is the first to inform me that Trey died??

WEIRD!!!!

I first started tweeting with Trey last year after we were both going to be speakers at this conference in Mexico. Due to scheduling issues, and lack of funding for travel for the conference, I wasn't able to attend and subsequently speak - but Trey and I stayed in contact ... and he seemed like a rad dude. Would I call him a friend? Not quite, but acquaintance for sure.

What I did know of him, and what was confirmed this afternoon in talking to this woman at Starbucks - Trey gave everyone his all, and that subsequently became his demise.

You. Cannot. Live. Life. That. Way.

Life has to be in balance. I give to people all day every day - for SURE!!! Even today, there I was giving free hugs ... but I also take care of myself first.

I want you all to imagine this visual ... when the plane is going down, and the SHIT is about to hit the fan, what is the one thing the airlines tell you to do? Put on YOUR mask before anyone elses.

YOU. HAVE. TO. STAY. TRUE. TO. YOU.

We are SUCHHHH insular beings; we only hear our own inner monologues, and when you're in that depressive state - it's toxic. You're frozen in this moment in time, and unable to see back to moments of joy or to the future with tastes of bliss.

Trey didn't have to die. There is no depression that is great enough to ever need to end your life. And I ASSURE you - this is coming from someone who failed at suicide not once but twice.

I tried killing myself the first time when I was 21 (ish) swallowing a bottle of Tylenol PM, and the second time - which I've posted on - I wound up checking into a hospital for a few days. I failed twice at suicide, and the third time that I noticed I was close to getting into that head space again (after I dated the mentalist), what did I do? I started this website.

I had no other option. I COULDN'T kill myself even if I wanted to, WHO FAILS TWICE!!!!! - so I started this brand and this website LITERALLY living every. single. day. like it was my last, and choosing to show up for life EVERY SINGLE DAY and doing ONLY the things that I enjoyed.

That's the thing about people like Trey, and my former self - I gave and gave and gave, but never received.

LIFE. HAS. TO. BE. BALANCED.

Look at the enso on my wrist ...

That is how energy flows ... and whatever your spiritual preference is - SCIENCE dictates that we are in fact energy beings.

We give, we receive, we are all one, and we are all in motion - always.

WHAT. ARE. THE. ODDS. THAT THIS RANNNDDOOOMMM PERSON WOULD COME UP TO ME TODAY AT A STARBUCKS THAT I DIDN'T CHECK IN TO ON FOURSQUARE AND WOULD END UP TELLING ME THAT SOMEONE THAT I KNEW COMMITTED SUICIDE!!

Like energy will ALWAYS find each other.

If this doesn't prove that statement nothing will.

But another thing ... the more that I talk to people about my own life experiences, and the more people that read this site - the less "crazy" I end up feeling. If you're in the creative social space and you haven't thought about killing yourself at one point, you are an anomaly and should prolly be like studied for some genetic mutation.

We're ALL VERY creative beings, and that can be maddening. But you have a CHOICE every day to show up for life, and to do something EPIC with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What would I suggest to someone who is in the same headspace as Trey? GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!!!

Go, be of service ... spend half the day volunteering somewhere, or helping out a friend, and the OTHER half of your day doing something that YOU truly love.

IT. HAS. TO. BE. BALANCED.

It doesn't have to be anything great either ... I love wandering around aimlessly searching for creative inspiration with my hoodie and headphones on. That feels GREAT to me! So I make a point to do it at least once a day!!!

Don't think you have the energy to even get out there and volunteer? Amazing! Stop thinking. AND START FUCKING DOING!!!

Your inner monologue is steering you wrong because you can't fully see out of your state of consciousness and how horrible it is - LET. THIS. SERVE. AS. A. WAKE UP. CALL.

YOU ARE DOING LIFE WRONG!!!

It saddens me for his family, and his friends - but also inspires me and motivates me to stay even further away from that headspace. I want to do MORE to give back and see even MORE of the world so I can wander around in it aimlessly listening to music while wearing a hoodie.

That makes me happy, and I'll never apologize for it - it's my awesome, and I'll own it.

I've developed that balance, and understanding that balance today was the difference between me handing out free hugs in Harvard Square and Trey who took his own life.

May you finally find the peace you were looking for Trey.