#NerdsUnite: Dear Boston, not the biggest fan of your dating scene

Sep 3

UUUGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! New England dating world - I am trying to be able to handle you ... I really truly am ... but I am now currently begging ... and I mean BEGGING for mercy!!!!

(Hit it Duffy!!!)

Alrite, so on Thursday I went and re-scoped out the Harvard scene to see if I could bag a Harvard boy. After night one I was skeptical, yes, but after introducing the pinch hitter of bustin' out my super fancy pants camera - I totally thought this one was going to be a no brainer ... guys were going to approach me, we then would have engaged in witty and titillating conversation, followed by an exchange of numbers - or twitter handles, and boom, just like that - Harvard boy bagged.

I was hopeful.

I was excited.

I was ... stupid.

OMMMMGGGGG I don't even want to relive this by writing it out ... stay strong ... oooooohhh something shiny ... ::slaps self:: focus Friel. FOCUS!!!

So, I get done filming/ editing on Thursday, and pop over to Staples to check out some lense cleaner as my big ass camera CONTINUOUSLY attracts like EVERYTHING and there is nothing worse than sitting down to edit, looking at the footage and seeing HUUUGGGEEE spots from pollen or other misc. dust mites that weren't visible in the finder.

I walk out of Staples and see a pretty big group congregating outside this bar. Rad, I thought - I walk by the window to see if I can see the bar ... I could, and I see a handful of dudes sitting there.

BINNGGOOOOO!!! Men at bar sans females = one happy little nerd.

I show my ID at the door, and walk down into Grendels.

I sit down at the bar, like literally smack dab in the middle (didn't want to establish any sort of loyalty by sitting closer to any dudes - I was just ... there ...), place the camera on the bar, and order a beer.

I look to my left and it's this super old duderino ... like literally old. Like older than my dad, but younger than my grandfather would have been.

Within 30 seconds of me sitting down the super old duderino starts talking to me.

"Are you a professional camera person?"

Kinda, I say. I'm here to film a TV show.

Oh really? What show?

Not allowed to say. But I'm just having little adventures throughout Boston over the next couple of weeks.

Sounds like fun!

It is!

I then reach over to take a sip of my beer, as he takes a sip of his wine.

The bartender approaches, TV show, eh? Where are you from?

Los Angeles, but born in Connecticut - so I know these parts very well.

What part of Connecticut, he replies as he places a rag down on the bar.

West Hartford.

Mystic, here Hmmm West Hartford, huh? In the 80s I used to score some good E outside this gay club that was inside a factory somewhere in West Hartford. You know where I'm talking about?

I pause. Did he really just say that to me? Let me break that down ... do I know the gay bar inside a factory in West Hartford where you can score good E? Now, I'm not mad at drugs ... to each their own thang ... but I haven't even downed my first beer yet, and this is like your intro? Casual conversations about drugs are common in LA (as is having people do lines off of your lap), but this is New England - no way, man.

Also, where the hell are there factories in West Hartford?? Lived there 16 years - don't remember any.

Um, well - I don't know if it's still there, I say. West Hartford is incredibly posh now especially with Blue Black square.

Oh right, this was in the 80s.

Word to the bird jellyfish, I say as I take a SERIOUSLY big gulp of beer.

The super old duderino next to me then orders another glass of wine. I then look around the bar and notice that ALL of the dudes around me are drinking wine.

Holy crap, this is weird! I need to tweet this ...

I scan the bar ... the super old duderino was by himself, then there was another dude just to my right also single - but the 4 other dudes were paired off, and very "comfy" looking.

FFUUUUUCCKKKKKKKK!!!!! That also must be what the comment the bartender was trying to make?? Was he hinting me that this was a gay bar, or a gay night at the bar?? Who else RANDOMLY says, hey, your relatively obscure, but posh hometown has this gay bar that I scored some E at back in the 80s. I'm an open person and all - but holy fuck that caught me off guard.

Fail. Fail. Fail.

<tangent> After yelping, I am still not entirely sure this is 100% a gay bar - back me up here Bostonians - but I will tell you 100% something was going on there Thursday, and the bartender was trying to make me aware of that fact. </tangent>

Now normally walking into a gay bar/ gay night at a bar is never a problem for me ... I'd either put on my dancing shoes, or (since I was on the prowl on Thursday) just grab my cute little butt and leave.

This time however, I had ordered a beer - and it wasn't just like "a" beer - it was the size of my fucking head.

FML - I can't waste beer, I'm on too limited of a budget and beer is such a wonderful wonderful thing.

I continued to sip, albeit faster, and struck up a conversation with the super old duderino next to me.

He told me he was originally from Wisconsin, is an ear doctor in Boston. Been here for years and years. I asked him if his business has increased due to iPods and excessive headphone use - he said absolutely.

Figures, I'm sure I'll need your card in the not so distant future.

Not really wanting to continue the conversation anymore, I chug the rest of it and head out the door.

I start walking and tweeting - very sincerely not knowing where to go or what to do.

Fuck it, I'll just walk and adventure will find me - this is my thing, I never have to plan ... just show up for life.

I started walking, and walking, and after a couple of blocks I wound up outside of John Harvards (where I was during the first go-round).

AHH!! I have to go pee (stupid beer, and stupid small bladder) - having been there before, I knew RIGHT where the bathroom was.

I made a beeline inside, and used the restroom.

On the way back upstairs I took a look over at the bar and saw a PACCKKKKKK of dudes ordering drinks.

SCUSE ME!! I say, OOHHH bartender!!!! I'd love whatever Belgian white ale you have on tap, please!

I gingerly place the camera down on the bar, and plop my backpack down on the floor.

The bartender serves me the beer, and I start batting my eye lashes at all of the guys.

In my head, I start practicing what I'm going to say ...

Well hello ... oh, hello there ... fancy seeing you here, come often? Wait, did I just say "come often?" Wait wait - I mean come HERE often. ::mental facepalm::

The guys linger by the bar for a moment, and then move back to their table.

UGH! Fine, I thought. More will be around - this place looks pretty popping.

A couple more minutes go by ... no boys. I start watching the Yankees/ Red Sox game on the TV and pretend that I know what I am looking at.

Go team, GOOOOO!!!!!!

I clap occasionally being conscious that I am in Boston, and cheering for the home team might be a good idea.

A half hour of staring at hot baseball dude butts later, I am now totally horny and still totally wanting to fucking prowl.

God damnit, won't someone please for the love of all things holy just fucking hit on me.

I stand up, and bend over pretending to get something out of my bag - showing off the badunkadunk.

Now, of all the things in my life I get complimented on the most ... it is my butt.

I. Have. An. Ass.

I don't know where it came from, but I've had it my entire life ... it's just this ... BUTT! Dudes go ape shit for it.

This baby has a 99.9% return ...

... and Harvard dudes fall within that .1%

NOT ONE FUCKING DUDE APPROACHED!!!!

Really?? Not even with introducing the ass?? I can FEEL you staring at me you whackadoodle noodles?!?!? What the FUCK is going on here!!?!?!

UUUGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Fuck this shit, I'm not getting any younger and these boys apparently haven't grown a fucking pair of balls in the last week. DONE DONE DONE! I think as I finish my beer and close out my tab.

I then walk back to the house slightly drunk, and 100% disappointed. Fail. Fail. Fail. EPIC FAIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not even trying to get laid here, just MEET some good old fashioned Harvard boys. Is it really this hard?? Really?? Fuck it, man - I am throwing in the towel.

<end Thursday night>

Not wanting to continuously sound like a whiny complaining bitch on this site and on the Boston dating scene - I decided to put on my big girl pants and not post on the night just yet. I'll make it a two part-er, and have an adventure tonight and hopefully find a happy ending in all of this.

I had gotten a message from this duderino on OKC earlier in the week inviting me out to a Peal Jam cover band concert cruise. Um, yes! I said - that sounds fucking EPIC!!!

We swapped digits, and alas - before I knew it, Friday arrived (thank GOD!), and I was getting dressed to head out to the boat.

I was so tired from editing and filming that I decided before I hit the T that I would get a coffee. I'm staying outside of central square and fortunately there is a Starbucks RIIIGGHHHHTTT there at the T entrance.

I walk in and notice this dude whip his head around super fast to stare at me. Like this was the kind of obvious thing you see out of the corner of your eye, and then .25 seconds later, someone approaches you.

I wait for a second, don't feel a tap - and then turn back around to see who this person was. I scan the room for a moment, and then it hits me ... HOLY SHIT IT'S #CUTESTARBUCKSBOY!!! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!!

I FREAK OUT and grab my phone to take a picture ...

See, there's his macbook pro - and hahaha hilarious he's actually wearing the same shirt.

I proceed to order my Caramel Frapp - light ... and stand over right next to him.

Now, I read your tweets - and I know you guys wanted me to say something, but what was there to say? He was kind of a dick, and I have NO idea what if anything she said to him. Dudes, he totally laughed at me. Maybe I misinterpreted the entire thing, but come on!! Why didn't he just say something to me right then and there like hey- nice blog post ya did! I dunno ... something! It was NOT my place to approach. Not. At. All.

In less than a minute my drink was ready, and after a quick butt shake I sexily walk past him and out the door with a smile.

Take that, fucker! Bet ya expected me to say something, didn't you? Mwahahahaha this nerd has a date to get to! Thank GOD I spent that extra 5 minutes on my hair before I walked out the door. Don't you just LOVE moments like that!!!!

And I know I know ... a few of you said this was fate, etc - but I don't buy it. I don't know if I'm jaded or what, but I have ZERO belief in a soul mate or this star crossed lover out there for me. No, I am attracted to dudes that resonate something in me. Out of 103 dates in 9 months the only FOUR that I was attracted to - and I mean the ONLY ... were emotionally unavailable. What did that say about me? And what does that say about attraction to begin with?

Yes, it was weird seeing him agan, but I also bumped into a friend of mine from like 5 years ago in Los Angeles outside a RANDOM bathroom in Cambridge, and even bumped into this dude I had just met in Chicago at this tequila bar in Beacon Hill.

This. Happens. To. Me. All. The. Time.

I'm a go with the flow-er - so I'm sure on an energetic level I picked something up, and just walked in without even really realizing what I was going.

Crazy but true.

I then popped on the T and after about being lost for 15 minutes wandering around downtown, I found the bar where I was supposed to meet the OKC duderino - and he was totally rad. I had a great night!

There wasn't the same level of attraction there (although he is a great looking guy) - it's that he plays his life very very very safe. He's a venture capitalist, and is literally allergic to risk, or risky people. That was like one of the first things out of his mouth - I've always admired people that can take risks, it's something I would NEVER do.

After dating the Magic player duderino, I KNNEEWWWWW me and non-risk takers don't get along on a compatiblity level.

I was a bit surprised too because OKC rated us 90% of a match. That's an OKC fail right there.

I then picked his brain the entire night on what he does, as I am currently dealing with some VCs back in LA - and trying to structure this site into a business, I am learning everything that I can about their world because being a nerdy hippie, I know NOTHING about it.

He was great, offered me a TON of advice - and even professional assistance should I choose it.

I thanked him profusely, and said I would explore the options that make the most sense.

Really really really rad dude, but we're really really really not compatible. I can understand how my lifestyle is attractive to someone like him - but for me, if you're not willing to jump right out of that plane next to me - I'm not interested. I want a partner that keeps me on my toes, tells me I'm not doing enough and pushes me to do more ... not another dad who consistently reminds me that I am taking a risk, and should really re-consider.

I.CANT.HANDLE.THAT.

And not that this duderino necessarily did any of that - although he was a bit disturbed by me bringing my backpack onto the boat. Dude, I was filming!!! But I can understand for someone like that who enjoys blending in as much as possible, being with someone who was born to stand out can make them a bit uneasy.

So that happened. Great dude, not for me ... but he did take me inside his office for a hot second where I got to see one of Aerosmith's drum sets!!!!!