#Fact: West Coast > East Coast

Sep 17

First off, lemme just say ... I am from the east coast. So, you can't be mad at me for pointing out something that is relatively obvious ... the west coast is greater than the east coast. Period. End of sentence.

Case in point, the UNBELIEVABLY awkward house party I went to last night and subsequently ended up livetweeting at until my battery died.

So here I am STILL on the east coast, currently kicking it in DC with my brother and his girlfriend. See, my bro bought ... he's no longer renting ... he BOUGHT a home a year and a half ago, and I've never been out to see it. Super duper lame sauce, right?

When I was mapping everything out for my trip, I realized that after NYC I could just pop on a bus for less than $20 and come out and see him. Totally rad, totally worth it, and here I be.

<tangent> Dudes, can I just tell you how WWEEEIIIRRRRDDDD it is being here?? My brother has like a home ... a home home ... with decorative throw pillows ... and area rugs ... and ... yeah. He still has the beer fridge, but goodness gracious it is WEIRD to know that you're getting old and your brother is now like, old. </tangent>

Oh here's the song that goes with the post, btw ...

So, last night my brother told me he had a friend's house party he had to go to and that I was invited to come along. Basically these peeps were moving and they didn't want to cart all of their alcohol with them, so they were going to throw a drinks and dessert party to get rid of everything.

Um, free booze and desserts??? How rad does that sound!!!

I went in with high hopes, and my usual sunny disposition. Dudes, I can't be mad at anything ever. I am very literally the happiest little clam on the planet. Like seriously ... I will always. always. always. find the bright side of things, and always. always. always. look at the glass being half full - that's just me.

We get there a bit before it starts to fill up, and I walk in and introduce myself to everyone. I might be a bit shy at bars but when it comes to house parties I have an in since these people all know my brother, so I'm totally fine. I got the little sister thing going on, but whatevs.

The hosts greet us, and then I walk over to the couch and say hello to the guys sitting watching football.

Hi, I'm Jen! Mike's sister.

Two of them outstretch their hands, do a half shake, and quickly look away.

Um, okay ... I thought, nice to meet you too.

I walk back to the table, wow - I know there's a game on and all (which was playing commercials at the time), but that was just fucking rude. These guys barely looked up to say anything and only outstretched their hand as apparently some sort of "favor."

Dudes, ya'll are fucking rude.

I walk back over to my brother at that point not wanting to introduce myself to the rest of the party. If that's what the rest of the party is like ... good god it's going to be a long night.

You're here for your brother Jen, put on your big girl pants and get it together. It's a house party, not a bar in Boston.

I grab a Heineken from the cooler and quickly down it.

This will make the party bearable. Just loosen up, Friel.

I start talking to a few of the girls, and am immediately blinded by the rocks on their fingers reflecting off the light and wine glasses.

Good god! Zoom - zoom - zoom!

I can't look anywhere without getting blinded. I then pause for a moment, wait, is EVERYONE here married? (The party had maybe 15 people at the time.) I quickly glance around the room and at all the fingers ...

Married.

Wait, can't see that one ... move your hand duderino ... yep! There's a ring!

Now mind you, I have ZERO problems accepting my life choice, and accepting to choose a career over a relationship. I own my shit, my only problem with this scenario was that married dudes don't want to talk to the hot little sister of their friend. Every time I opened my mouth to have a conversation with a guy, their eyes would bounce around the room, and then they would literally walk away from me clearly not wanting to get in trouble with their wives.

Are you serious right now?? Do I not feel ostracized enough by all that went down in Boston, and all that is my experience on the east coast??? (Well, minus NYC - had a BLAST there, and Chicago, which isn't the east coast obvs. was one of the greatest times EVER! But for 3 weeks ... misery.)

People don't fucking talk to me!!!!!!!!!

I love love love meeting new people and hearing their life story- I can't handle not being talked to. I might want to retreat to my shell, and pop on a hoodie and headphones, but when it comes to me specifically putting myself in a situation like a house party, I've prepared myself to be social for that evening - I was ready.

Fine, if the guys won't talk to me, maybe the females will.

I strike up a conversation with a few of the ladies.

One in particular is apparently my brother's nemesis - she was pretty rad and zinged him a few times playfully. I dig this chick, I think, she might need to come over for the holidays and keep me company.

She was incredibly popular at the party so of course after just a few minutes she walked away - along with any other female I could get to hang around me long enough.

Like for real, ladies, I wear deodorant. Secret even gave me a year's supply of it a few month's back!! I got this shit on LOCK!

Fine, if no one will talk to me, I'll create my own party ... on twitter.

I step outside on the patio to sip my beer and begin tweeting.

A couple of guys who clearly had a few more drinks in them at that point come out to join me on the patio.

Texting your friends to find another party?

CALLED OUT!!!

No, I say, I live in LA - haha, so I don't know any other parties. But I was tweeting actually, not texting.

Tweeting? Oh god. Who drinks and tweets.

Me, I say. I love twitter.

Another dude pipes up, I work in social media, am on it all day and all night - I can't handle being around it in social settings. No one in the social space can.

Wait, hold the phone. Did you really just tell me that you work in social media but get sick of it like everyone else that works in social media.

I refrained from reintroducing myself as, Hi, I'm Jen Friel. I created the site that provides social commentary on social media, and if I could LITERALLY put more hours in the day to spend on it - I would. Do yourself, and those of us in this space that love it a favor - and leave.

Another one of the guys pipes up, oh yeah! So what's your klout score!

Before I say anything, the social media dude goes, oh, no one knows that off the top of their head.

::cough I hover between 73-75 cough::

He then starts saying that Klout has been bullshit until only recently and wah wah wah wah wah dude, get your no one wants to give you a +K out of my face.

He keeps talking, and out of curiosity I ask for his twitter handle to look it up on my Droid.

I very honestly just didn't hear what he said, and by the time I was going to ask him to repeat it, his wife/ girlfriend joined the conversation and started shooting me daggers.

Listen, bitch, shoot the daggers all you want. I'm not after your man - just his fucking twitter handle.

Mind you too, I will never. ever. ever. ever. go toe to toe with someone in social media. Social media is just my thing, I don't have to go toe to toe, I'd rather watch someone else hang themselves and me take the higher road and just smile and nod. But this guy was just annoying me, and I had no one else to play with at the party.

UUUGGHHHHHHH!!

I HATE HATE HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My brother joins the conversation - everything alrite kid?

Peachy I say as I pound another beer.

Dudes, why are no chicks in here even drinking beer? Really?? I am the ONLY chick drinking beer?

Party fail.

I dunno man, the host duderino was pretty rad, and there were a handful of dudes I had good conversations with - but they were all married, and I get told I'm naturally flirtatious, trust - that was the LAST thing I was looking to do at a party like this ... I was just being me, and being such a non-traditional person in a pretty traditional world is death. That's how I grew up!!! That's how I spent the first 16 years of my life and fucking loathed every minute of it.

I'm different.

There is nothing I can do about that but just own it.

I lead a very different lifestyle, and although others might follow suit with said untradition later - it ain't happenin' now, and it definitely ain't happenin' at this party.

Home, I say to my brother. I want to crawl inside my hoodie.

We left shortly after.

UUUGGHHHHHH!!!! How are people so weird!!!!!!!! For reals man, had that been a house party in Cali people would have at least been more social in their introductions. Cali house parties are the tits, man. Loads of beer, usually someone sparks a doobie, and everyone just chillaxes. None of this north face up tight shit that they have on the east coast. I get why I'm so happy in Cali.

I love my brother, I really really really do - but MANNNNNNNN, I just want to go home.

I have only one more thing left to say, HIT IT EDDIE!!!