#Fact: We have the power to recognize what we want and we power our own expectations

<editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Watch a group of children playing. You will see leaders emerging; those who take charge and tell the others what to do. You can see two or more leaders strike for control until one leads all or they split factions. You will see some of the kids on the sidelines watching the others, some of them preferring to play by themselves, some hoping to be chosen into one of the groups and some of them resigned to obscurity.

Most of the children are pretty happy playing together. The children leading are happy, as are the ones who are included in the leader’s plans. The kids not directly involved are enjoying themselves as well. Everyone is secure in their position. Everyone knows what their role is and feels good filling that role. A comfortable dynamic emerges. That will change as ideas and personalities clash, but for the moment, all is serene. The leaders expect to be followed and the followers expect to be led. There are some on the outside who want to be included, but also expect not to be. Perhaps prior experience has taught them what might happen. Perhaps a timid soul got rejected once and then couldn’t see beyond that one experience.

Learning that one is not permanently relegated to a certain social position comes with experience as well. As we become adults and add new situations and adventures to our lives, we learn that nothing is permanent and that the only constant is change. Despite those old adages, it still often takes a jolt to get us out of our comfort zones – even the ones that aren’t that comfortable. Especially when it comes to self-perception and social position, it can be difficult to recognize that things don’t have to be the way they are now even if they’ve been that way for the breadth of our experience with them.

Leaving high school for the real world beyond is a good example of this. For those of us who went to the same school for all four years, people were generally labeled and stuck with their reputation and that was that. What a revelation then, to leave high school and head out to work or to college and find that the world that doesn’t already know you doesn’t use the same labels – unless you use them on yourself. You are free to be who you want to be.

It may not be a quick transition. For some, it won’t start until they go out and begin to have new experiences and begin to gather self-esteem building data. For others, it begins with recognizing what they truly expect. For someone who says they want to be fit, but they continue the same behaviors that they exhibited before they decided to get fit, it would be illogical for them to expect to get any other results. It’s the same for any situation. If you want a better job and a better life, but you don’t change any behaviors to create those changes, you’re actually expecting to stay the same.

One cannot truly expect change without working to make those changes. Reading a book does not create change. Reading one hundred books will not create change. Reading books and then applying what you read to create new behaviors that lead you to living differently is what creates change. You read because you want to change. You create and practice new behaviors when you expect to change.

As adults, we are no longer powerless in our own lives. Our parents are no longer gods with absolute control. We do not have to answer to anyone other than ourselves.

We have the power to recognize what we want and we power our own expectations. If you are not getting the results you say that you want, then you need to stop and look at how you’re behaving. If you say you want to be more social but you’re always coming up with an excuse not to go out, then you’re expecting to stay how you are right now. If you say you want to get fit but you’re eating fast food five times a week and spending your time on your bum instead of moving around, then you’re expecting to stay soft.

If you say you want a girlfriend, girlfriends, or a wife but you’re not spending any time talking to females, you’re expecting to continue to be by yourself.  Take a good hard look at what you want. Then take an even harder look at your behavior. If your behavior is not in line with what you say you want, then it is time to change. When you change your actions to support your desires, then you are free to expect anything from this world.

#nerdsunite

To learn more from The Art of Charm about how to meet & attract women, visit www.afterhello.com And, if you're an LA local, you can stop by The Art of Charm office and meet the crew!

Previous
Previous

#Adventure: 4 Cities in 30 Days - Dudes, last night I stayed in a glorified brothel

Next
Next

#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride