#Fact: You can do it, put yo' back into it!

 <editorsnote> Jordan is a dating coach. But not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. </editorsnote>

 

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger

Weight training and cardiovascular exercise are good ideas for any man serious about his health. These things can also help toward your success with women, because they will give you greater confidence and a general sense of well-being, which are attractive qualities to have.

There is a basic formula that I use when it comes to my physical health that I also apply to every aspect of my personal growth. When it comes to growth – whether you want to grow your muscles, your social skills, your confidence with women – stress is your best friend. That’s right, I said “stress is your best friend!”

We grow our muscles by putting stress on them, followed by a period of recovery, combined with proper nutrition. There is a lot of advice on there about how best to put that stress on your muscles, such as what types of weights to lift, in what manner, and how often. But the basic formula remains the same: put the right amount and type of stress on yourself, then take time to recover, then your muscles should grow. If you want to maintain your weight or the amount of muscle you have, then you keep doing the same routine over and over. In order to grow, however, you need to progressively increase your stress levels.

We can consider other aspects of our lives to be similar when it comes to growth. Our muscle strength is representative of our ability to handle physical stress. In the same way, our social “muscles” enable us to excel when we are in tricky or new situations. Likewise, our emotional “muscles” enable us to handle difficult conversations with our girlfriends. Men with strong emotional “muscles” can handle the toughest women with grace. Women who routinely eat weaker men for breakfast become like purring kittens in the hands of a man who is emotionally strong.

When it comes to your mind and body, I don’t see much distinction between the two. I consider the mind and body as parts of a cybernetic whole. Any weight trainer who does not examine and learn to govern his mental thought processes – his ability to relax and recover, his desire and determination, his ability to sleep at night with a clear conscience – is really fighting against himself.

When it comes to life, therefore, consider five key “muscles” that should be in balance as far as strength and as far as your personal training program:

• Physical

• Emotional

• Intellectual

• Spiritual

• Social

If any one of these areas is too strong relative to the others, or too weak, then it’s hard to be happy and really successful in our relationships, whether sexual or otherwise. It’s almost like a car with one or more cylinders that is misfiring. I love to help men to examine their lives and see which areas might be out of balance and what we can do to put things in better order. We won’t get into all of these today, but let’s consider some ways in which you can give yourself a proper social and emotional workout, which will in turn increase your desirability to women as well as your ability to handle the ones you find really attractive.

Remember that in order to grow, we need a certain amount of stress, followed by the right amount of recovery. Let’s say you set meta-goals for yourself of becoming more comfortable interacting with beautiful women, being more authentic with them, and eventually dating some of them. Depending on your demeanor, circumstances, and your other strengths and weaknesses, I would recommend you set some interim goals for yourself; a social workout program as it were.

For example, we might decide that you should attend social gatherings at least two nights per week for a certain amount of time. At each event, you will try to make small talk with at least three different women and two different men each time. Women in groups would be fine, as would talking to men. Why do I say this?

In real life, attractive women who you’ll want to meet and date are often going to have friends around them of both sexes. Being able to handle such situations on the fly is an invaluable life skill to cultivate. Sexy, intelligent women fear for their social safety as much as their physical and emotional safety. They want to know that you’ll enhance their value in the eyes of their peer groups and not detract from it.

It’s true that a woman with low self-esteem will date a man who is vilified by everyone who knows her, but in my experience that doesn’t make for a happy life for anyone. I simply don’t want to date a woman who doesn’t have any cool friends or who doesn’t understand what it takes to get along with cool people. I am not saying she should be subservient to her catty friends’ wishes; but I am saying that I am screening her for good social skills as much or more than she is screening me.

Commitment and consistency is important for the success of any workout program, so you must really resolve to stick to the plan, in spite of mood swings or any minor problems that will surely come. When trying something new and stressful, you will likely hear a voice in your head trying to feed you all sorts of rationalizations as to why you should skip the program or postpone it. Do not listen to that voice! Ignore that pest, and he will lose all power over you.

Once you are completely comfortable making small talk with ten new people per week – i.e., you are now stress free in such a situation – it’s time to increase your stress levels by setting new, more challenging goals for your workout program. This is the way to a healthy, happy lifestyle filled with as many beautiful women as you would like.

#nerdsunite