#Question: Are You A Closet Heterosexual? Part 2: Showing Interest Without Creeping Her Out
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger
Question: Are You Scared of Being Sexual or Flirtatious Around Women?
If you’ve been hiding the fact that you have romantic or sexual interests in a woman or women in general, you might be doing it because you believe that it’s not classy to show interest overtly, or because you believe it is bad to have desires, or because you’re afraid that if you exhibit your desires to a woman, she’ll shoot you down or be creeped out.
In Part I of this post, I gave you some insight into why men conceal their sexuality. In this post, I’ll show you how to let it out without being needy or creepy.
Not knowing how to show your interest in a woman can cause you two different problems:
1. If you ask a woman out BEFORE you’ve shown her some romantic interest or flirting, she will be confused by and wary of your intentions.
For example, let’s say you have a quick conversation with a woman and establish that you both like biking. Throughout the conversation you have concealed that your underlying motive for speaking with her is that you are attracted to her. You then ask her to go biking with you and she seems a little unsure and hesitant. You suddenly feel rejected and ultimately leave empty-handed.
She wasn’t unsure and hesitant because she didn’t like you; she was unsure and hesitant because she couldn’t figure out WHY you wanted to go biking with her. If you had shown some interest or flirted with her, she may have been much more receptive to you.
2. If you show TOO MUCH interest or are too overt with it, she will think you’re NEEDY and be turned off.
For example, if you determine that you both like biking and then tell her “I’ve always wanted to go out with a woman who likes to bike and you are very pretty and I’ve enjoyed getting to know you and would you like to go out with me for biking and then dinner?” You’ve given her TOO MUCH interest. Her conclusion from the above approach will be that you’re desperate for company, and if you’re desperate it must be because nobody else wants to go out with you and if nobody else wants to go out with you, why would she?
So how do you show enough interest, and make it flirtatious?
Get a sheet of paper. Think about the qualities you find attractive in a woman. Anything is fair game: physical qualities, her skills, her values, anything. What are the top five qualities a woman MUST have to be interesting to you? Write them down.
Your paper might look like this:
- Pretty face
- Thin
- Healthy/fit
- Creative
- Funny
Now cross out any of the ones that describe physical traits. Memorize your list. Next time you meet a woman who exhibits ANY of these five qualities, just say “Hey, you’re (a health nut/creative/hilarious). I like that. What’s your number; we need to get together again.
The beauty of this method is you don’t even have to have anything in common to date her. She simply has to meet one of your criteria. Your tone of voice should be the same as if you are making plans with your best friend. Calm, interested, but totally relaxed.
By telling her you like the quality she exhibited, you’re showing interest, but by staying calm and TELLING her to give you her number, you’re showing her that you KNOW how to take the lead and make new connections with people. Taking the lead without attachment to the outcome of the interaction telegraphs CONFIDENCE and never shows neediness or desperation.
Watch her eyes light up as she gives you her number. Never go back in that closet again!