Time to Effing #GetItOn: Craziest among the crazies!
Had a weird night last night ... like a really really really weird night.
First up ... TEEE SHIIIRRTT TTIIMMMMEEEEE!!!
::insert gratuitous shot of my rack::
Again with my boobs looking gi-normous! Oh but dudes, no joke - this hoodie is soooooo soft! Click my tits for more info!
So, last night - I took my first spinlates class. They're this new spinning/pilates/yoga studio here in Hollywood, that actually I heard about through my OKC experiment. One of the duderinos is a trainer there - small world. Wanted to talk to them about some nerdy loving in exchange for burning off all the calories.
(Tangent: Totes not mad at Hollywood boxing gym btw - but I moved, and it's way more of a pain in the butt to get to now. I never wanted to post the vid that I did for them on this site out of not wanting to spike their number of views. This was 100% them based on people organically looking for information on them - they were very very very pleased with the way it came out. Click here to watch)
OH! and ...
(I am conducting a new social experiment after my epic 103 dates by using OKC. I am still trying to find the organic root of attraction, but now taking the experiment offline while documenting it still online. You can read more about it here ... and read the rules here.)
I went and did the class - and HOLLLYYYY CRAPPPPP mama likes!!! Seriously! I've never taken a pilates class in an actual pilates studio before, and it was AH-MAZING!!! It reminded me of growing up as a dancer, my body was just so lonnnnnngggggggggggg ... I haven't stretched and felt muscles like that in a very. very. very. long time. Then it was followed by 20 minutes of spinning which is GREAT because I am so friggen ADD that my mind just sort of wanders around even when I'm spinning. It was the right amount of ass kickery while still being able to move today.
Did that ... then freshened up, and headed out to Dillons to meet up with my friend Fanny.
She was running a few minutes late, and Dillons was only a hop skip and a jump from the studio - so I just parked it at the bar and waited for her.
Not .25 seconds after me sitting down, the dude next to me goes - WOOOWWW to what do I owe the honor?
No - like literally. hahah that was his opening line.
It was pretty epic, and actually worked. That was until I looked over and saw what he was eating.
Sliced cucumbers garnished with balsamic vinaigrette. No like literally - an absurd amount of sliced cucumbers staked on a small plate ... he's just munchin on 'em at the bar.
I laughed ... thinking oh good lord, you're going to have a great story - this is new.
After going out so many times as I have in the last year, it's not very often that you genuinely see something new.
I was intrigued, decided to stay in my seat and ordered a shock top.
Hi, my name's Jen.
Hi, I'm XXXXXXX.
Nice to meet ya!
So, what do you do?
I do a little bit of this ... and a little bit of that.
I smile knowing he just very genuinely didn't want to tell me.
An entrepreneur, eh?
He laughed.
What do you do?
I run a website.
Oh yeah? What's it about?
Nerds. Sex. and tech.
Come again?
Yep - that's me.
What's it called?
If I told you, I'd have to kill you. (see, I am learning!!!)
In an attempt to quiz me, he asks - what's my name again?
it's XXXXXXXXXX.
He high fives me. Dude, you're for real man. I like you.
That's actually my last name. Friel. Like for real-yo.
No it's not!
I take out my license.
WOOWW!
He signals for the bartender to come over, and pays for another shock top for me whenever I am ready.
Thank you, that was incredibly kind.
You ... you are somethin else.
I take a sip of my beer, and check my phone - nope ... she's still not here.
Not sure what to ask next ... I bust out the old, so you come here often?
Well, actually yes. But only because I just got out of rehab and this is the only place I can go.
Eh? Wait - what?! Back up cucumber ...
Yeah, I used to do a lot of hardcore drugs, but I just spent 6 weeks in rehab so now I'm good.
A couple things went through my head:
1. I was just praying he didn't say he went to rehab for alcohol addiction as he was slamming those beers.
2. I'm not mad at anyone that goes to rehab, hey man, more power to you - but 6 weeks? That's it? Something smells fishy.
I smile and high five him for at least doing something about it.
That was honestly one of THE most awkward things anyone has ever said to me at a bar. "Yeah, I come here because I just got out of rehab." Where am I supposed to go with that? Like where?! Please tell me!
Fortunately, a few minutes later Fanny arrived.
I introduce her to the duderino. Then she and I start shooting the shit.
We were talking about blog stuff, world domination - the usual. Then she ordered nachos.
MMMMM CHICKEN NACHOOOSSSS AND BEEERRR!!
Like seriously! That just needed to happen.
Is there really anything better in life?
Well - maybe buffalo wings. Cause those are yummy too ... mmmm spicy buffalo winnggssss ::drool::
Tangent, Jen! TANGENT!
We started chomping down, and cucumber duderino wandered off somewhere ... we continued to talk and munch. In the world's smallest uh, world category I then proceeded to bump into two very random friends of mine while at the bar.
One of the duderinos I met at my 24th birthday - he's besties with one of my oldest oldest oldest friends here in LA. So we started shooting the shit - he remembered when this thing first got started and was impressed blah blah blah. Nice dude. Really really really nice dude - but yeah, I was looking to get my mack on.
His friend was kinda hot, but also seemed very ... cold.
We bonded over a love of Bloc Party ... dude, Banquet is one of my ALLL TIMMMEE FAVVV SONNGGS!!!
Other than that, they were meh - and we just kinda moved on.
Fortunately, Dillons is such a meat market to begin with, that it didn't take long before some other duderinos started approaching. omg, man these guys were HILLAARRIOOUUSS!!!
They just got back from Afghanistan, they're marines.
They were in LOOOVVEEEE with my spirthood. Like almost in an unhealthy way ... like ... yeah ...
Yep. Amazing.
Really really really rad dudes, but I could never date a guy from the military. Not mad at it - thanked them profusely for serving our country ... but just different types of spirits.
I wouldn't date an athlete either - I'm very much an individual. A team player, yes, certainly - but it takes a certain type of mentality to "fall in line" in that regard ... just not for me, and I assure you - wouldn't mesh well.
HAHA omg they were super super super ridiculous hot though. One of the dudes was married, the other one was totally crushing on Fanny, but my duderino was like half philipino, half something ... but good lord he was a youngin.
I flat out told him, I would eat you alive sexually.
Fanny spit out her beer.
It's true though, he wasn't even old enough to be in the bar, and I'm 26. I like what I like because I had a lot of trial and error. I'm a teacher for the majority of the day, when it comes to night time ... I wanna turn that part of my brain off. I'm not in the mood to edumacate when it comes to gettin' it on.
He and his friends just started laughing. I said, I am prepared to be a cougar one day, but not at 26.
The married friend then I dunno felt intimidated or drunk or something - but he started like saying weird things to me.
He goes ... so you're hiding your legs - why are you hiding your legs?
I said, no I'm not. I have my spirithood on my lap because it's white - and the hooks here aren't high enough ... but here. Here are my legs, I take off the spirithood and put it in my purse.
He then said something about my skirt being so short, and a bit skanky.
I said skanky? Really? And mind you, not like confrontational at all. I stood up, my skirt albeit tight yes, falls to my knees.
How is this short?
Oh. You're right. It's not skany at all - it's pretty cute.
He then asks to take a picture with me and all of his friends. I happily oblige.
CHEESSEEEE!!!!
He shows me the picture - look at how beautiful you are. Good god woman.
Yeah ... haha, nice save there buddy. mwahahaha!!!
Either way, the guys were great - but I wasn't about to bone the youngin ... the other one was married ... and the other other one was interested in Fanny.
I decided to peace out. I had quite a walk ahead, and it was almost closing time.
Oh but one more thing ... RIGHHTT as I was getting ready to leave, I got a text from my friend who is the head of marketing at College Humor. She goes, omg - Zachary Levi is here ... I kinda wanna talk to him.
::typing:: Go introduce yourself!!!
::beep:: I did ... and i totes dropped talk nerdy to me lover. he goes, that's her website right? It's official, you're famous.
OMMMGGGG that made my life!!!! Dude, Zach is the TITS! A straight up DD!! Met him at Comic Con - really really really nice dude, and completely flattered he remembered us! No, haha like straight up! WOW!
MADE.MY.LIFE!
Either way ... all that aside, my nerdy butt still had to walk home. See, I walk evveerrryywhhheerreeeee courtesy of still owing the city of Los Angeles an ABSURD amount of money in parking tickets.
Frankly too, I am just completely uninterested in paying so much for gas and insurance since I live so close to everything I ever need anyway. ANNDD it's rad because it's getting me in shape.
However, 1am in Hollywood isn't exactly a safe place to walk. Fortunately, I blend in well with my environment.
This is what I wore last night:
I look like the love child of the unabomber and a hipster.
Hoodie, hair pulled back, sunglasses (yes at 1am), boy basketball shorts, and sneakers.
See, I'm a crazy bitch. But at least, if I am going to be a crazy bitch I am going to 100% own that and be the craziest among the crazies. Dude, I used to live in my car.
haha yes it was a corporate sponsored car, in corporate sponsored pajamas, drinking corporate sponsored water, and eating corporate sponsored food - that was still scary sleeping down in Venice in this thing:
I learned a lot from that experience. You either have to blend in 100% with your environment or stand out SOOOOOO much that no one fucks with you because they think you're crazier than them and might go bat shit.
Totally works - and totally allows me to be able to walk in "less than safe" areas at weird times of day or night. I just get it done, and no one bothers me because they assume I'm gonna fuck their shit up right back.
YAYYY LIFEE!!! =)
Was walking down Sunset, again, looking like THIS!
I had not 1 ... not 2 ... not 3 ... not even 4 cars stop ... but SEVEN cars stop and pull over.
One dude, even rubbed his fingers together implying he wanted to know how much.
I'm so friggen confused man, I'm not gonna lie. First off, this isn't the first time this has happened - see this post - but secondly, how rampant is prostitution in Los Angeles?
Am I literally that naive? Wow ... just ... wow!
Amazing.
And like literally, it clearly doesn't even matter what you look like - er in my case whether or not I am male or female. INNNSSAAAANNNEEEEEE!!!
Either way, got home safe - answered a few tweets and emails, and yeah - that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Numbers Exchanged: 0
Business Cards Handed Out: 15
I think my numbers are now going in the opposite direction. UGHHH!!!!!
#nobueno
Special thanks to Effing Gear for sponsoring this social experiment!! Their shirts are definitely an ice breaker, and a rack maximizer - good LORD look at how big they make my tits look. WOWZAH!!
Click here to view for yourself.
Oh and PS. I have to issue a retraction on the previous post (see here)
I didn't realize it, but I actually texted HIM first - the chick "hi" text. So I, not him was the one looking for the booty call - ANNDD he didn't hang up on me, he couldn't hear me. I actually don't even think he was talking to me when he said he wasn't picking me up - it was another conversation he was having with someone else at the party. He had no idea I was on the phone at the time, that was weird.
But yeah, bottom line - the dude isn't a douche - like at all. I thought that was out of character, but whatevs. Again, people are strange when you're a stranger.
Just had to clear that up!! K ... Thx ... bye ...