Time to Effing #GetItOn: Oh, I got it on ...
So, you ready for this ...
ANNNNDDD good morning! haha =) Good lord I love me some sex. Alrite, so night 5 of the social experiment.
(I am conducting a new social experiment after my epic 103 dates by using OKC. I am still trying to find the organic root of attraction, but now taking the experiment offline while documenting it still online. You can read more about it here ... and read the rules here.)
Dudes! I just had the craziest night ever. Not like streaking in the streets type crazy - but very very very intense.
First off ... TEE SHIIIRRTT TIMMMEEE!!!
::Insert gratuitous shot of my rack::
WOOOWWW my boobs were like POPPIN out of their V neck logo tee. Click my boobs for more info!
So, last night I went to Barneys ... again ... but this time with a wing girl.
*waves* hello @kristi_gail!
Like seriously this chick is one of my favorite human beings on this planet. Love her so much it hurts.
K ... so anywho - we had an absolute blast last night. We had some girl talking to do at first since we had a LOT to catch up on - but I was conscious in choosing our seats that yes, we were at a half booth - but it was at the actual bar. Not the booth tables like in the back, since that pretty much indicates fuck off loud and clear. The bar tables say, hey - we're here, but kinda doing our own thing.
Testing the waters if you will.
After a couple of brewskies, Kristi broke her seal, went to the restroom and came back saying that I haddddd to scope out the dudes by the shuffleboard table ... they were hot.
Hot of course to me is honestly pretty bullshit. Hot? Really? What does that look like?!
I walk over and yep - she was right. The dude was smoking. Kinda like a mix between David Beckham and Smith Jarrod from Sex and the City.
Except put brown hair on him - and add in the beanie.
K ... there we go.
That's the dude I played shuffleboard with last night. Oh and PS, I normally kick ass at shuffleboard after my many lifetimes of hanging out with old people as a wee lass - but last night my game could not have been more off; it was embarrassing actually.
Either way, totes got to kickin it with the duderino, and he wasn't very nice. And when I say not nice, I mean like not nice ... at all ... what so ever.
I asked him what he did - he's an actor.
Of fucking course.
Rule #1000001 to my life - I will Not. Under. Any. Set. Of. Circumstances. Date. A. Fucking. Actor.
They're SOOOOOOO BOOORRRIIIINNNNNGGGG!!!
Again, it has less to do with them and just the fact that they have had to rely on their looks for the majority of their life so somewhere along the way they failed to develop that personality chip that was implanted in them from birth.
The second he said actor I should have just walked away ... but oh no ... I have now opened my mouth ...
Anything I've seen?
No, just a few lines on a soap. Translation: I was an extra.
Hey, dude, not mad at it AT all! I still get excited with I see my elbow in He's Just Not That Into You!
Yep! That's me ... 1:22. That took 3 days to film. What can I say ... I'm a method actor. That profile had to be captured juuussttt right.
I digress ...
So yes. Me and actors are just no bueno. I am not mad at them - keep on keepin on, but I will absolutely and utterly die before I fucking date an actor. They are ALARMINGLY uninteresting people.
But it's LA ... you can't throw a blackberry without hitting one.
What do you do, he asks.
I run a website.
Oh yeah? That's good - there's a lot of money in that.
Now, I had the option to go into my whole, wellllll what is money - for ex. I survived off of $10 for an entire year continuously bartering ... but that sounded lame. And no one likes a lamer damer.
I smiled and said you have no idea.
I forget what happened at that point, but I was over the dude and just peaced. How is this my life right now? Who are these boys and will I evveerrrrr meet someone interesting at a bar?!?!
I sit back down, and look down at my phone and notice that I got a text from the dude that I met on the second night that I actually really liked. Remember him from the other day?
He sent me a text asking what I was up to. Now it was almost 12:30 - so what am I up to means hey, wanna fuck?
I wasn't entirely mad at that situation since I knew the sex with him was AH-MAZING. I texted back ...
::typing:: About to leave in a few - need to make sure my friend gets in a cab okay. Pick me up in 30?
::beep:: How about an hour?
::typing:: perfect - c u
I then made sure Kristi got in her cab okay, and struck up a conversation with two dudes I was sitting next to. Really really really nice human beings btw - but wasn't vibin. Not mad at either of 'em, but whatevs.
Before I know it, an hour goes by - I call the dude.
Ring ring ring
::background noise::
Hey!
Hey!
Where are you?
I'm still at my friends party. I'm not coming to get you.
Huh? Uh, alrite then.
He hangs up the phone.
Wait, hold the front door - what just happened here?
Did I just get blown off for a booty call? Like I know blowing is usually involved in a booty call - but I am usually the one doing that.
I put on my spirithood and started to walk home infuriated. What is UPPPP with this dude?!?!!?!
I immediately erase his number from my phone - and unfriend him on Facebook.
Yes, as I am walking.
Fucking douche, man.
I get back to the house and sit down at my macbook pro totally still buzzed but totally ready to ream this guy a new one on the site.
I got as far as hiding in my spirithood.
AAARRRGHHHH!!! BAHHHHHH!!!! and YAHHHHHHH!!!!!
He texts me back ...
::beep:: I want to talk to you. Not have sex.
I take the spirithood off of my head.
Wait, what?!
I stare at the phone ... text something back Jen! Telepathic communication has yet to be confirmed as a viable expression of language.
::typing:: Talk? Sure.
::beep:: I read your post.
Oh fuck, this isn't going to be pretty. I'm honestly at this point used to dudes being weird about it, but I've never had someone want to confront me like this ... at this hour. I was kinda spooked but kinda, meh at the same time. I liked this dude a lot, I could at least hear out what he has to say.
::beep:: I'm outside.
::typing:: be right down.
I get in the car, his roomie was in the front seat.
HELLOOOOOOOOO!!!!
Well hello there.
I sat in the back as we drove down the street to their casa.
We get inside the house, and he sits me down in the living room. Dudes, this is so dramatic for 1am and TOTALLY not where I thought this call was going to go. I was expecting some booooootttt-aaayyyy.
I read your post. You're a great writer.
Thank you. Especially coming from you (as he is a writer).
I was upset at reading your post - but mostly because you were right. I knew exactly what I was doing in Facebook chatting you back instead of texting. It was lame, and it freaked me out seeing it so black and white.
Everything that happened - you hit the nail on the head. I felt horrible about it.
That wasn't my intention to make you feel horrible, just say what I was feeling. I knew what you were doing - dude, 103 dates!!!! I can read behavior - I get it.
No you were 100% right. I have a lot of fun with you ... a lot of fun. I just don't know when you're not "on."
What do you mean?
You're a character. And I don't mean that in like a weird fictional way, but you are your brand - I don't get it. What I like about you is the moment in between the breaths when you're just being and you have this thing about you that you don't even know you're doing - but it bleeds from you. It's something special.
He then placed his hand around my head ...
Look at the way this light is hitting you right now - you glow. It's incredible ... but you don't even realize you do it. You're larger than life, but how do you ever expect a guy to fit into that? Your life is absurd and clearly you're killing it, but what is a guy supposed to do? How could that ever work?
I didn't say anything. I just knew that for the first time ... in 103 dates ... someone saw me.
I looked away because I was literally about to cry.
A guy that I met at a fucking bar just touched my soul.
I don't know. Did I set it up this way to not get hurt? Is this all some big defense mechanism?
I could literally feel my body getting more tense. I knew I had walls up in front of this dude- I just didn't know he knew about them.
Just be you. You. Not your site. In fact, I love reading your damn site because you're not talking about it - I'm just reading the damn thing and it's EXACTLY how you talk.
I start to tear up, but think of unicorns eating jellybeans as to not get too emotional.
I lay back on the couch.
You're so beautiful, but the only time I ever think you're not thinking about work in some capacity is honestly, when we're having sex - when your eyes are half rolled in the back of your head. That I get. But it's only when we're intimate.
FYI, he actually used the word intimate. I'm not gonna lie, it kinda gave me a girl boner. This guy is so fucking sweet, man. He doesn't even try to say the right things - he just does. Ugh.
Again, at a loss for words I stay quiet.
Alrite, well, we should get to bed - it's pretty late. We walk back into his room.
He sits on the bed ... very genuinely not looking to have sex.
I kiss him.
He throws me against the wall ... and yep. Best. Sex. Ever.
Winner.
We both drifted asleep to the sound of the rain.
I woke up this morning in his arms ... confused. Well, confused and exhausted from only getting like 3 hours of sleep. I didn't know what to do - I felt really vulnerable. I'm not used to being IRL with someone and feeling that vulnerable. I sat up in his bed.
You have wayyyyy too much energy this morning, he said with a groan.
I couldn't fall back asleep.
Now what - I thought.
Now fucking what?!?!
So ... he gets me ... on a weird ... freaky ... level ... that literally no one has ever called me out on.
Now I'm exposed ... what's my next doable action?
Him! Morning sex.
Shut up brain! I'll show you!!!
Last night, and this morning was literally like the hottest sex I have ever had. I was terrified to have an orgasm though because I knew oxytocin would be released and I would have an even MORE intense bond with the duderino. I don't know what to do! He doesn't necessarily jive with what I do - I'm not going to change that ... but fuck me, how can I put down my walls if I have no idea what I am putting them down for?
I am a PHENOMENALLY guarded individual. He took a huge chunk of that guard down last night.
Fuck, now I really like him.
And it's not even the kinda like that even wants anything at this point. I'm kinda over that - I just appreciate the dude. I needed to be called out, and he did it. I have a ton of respect for him. Like a ton.
So, there you go! That was night 5.
HAHAH!! Oh one last thing ... he had a bra on his floor from a couple months ago - and I asked him if he didn't need it anymore if I could donate it to GettLove as I am collecting bras for their charity.
Now, I have some chickadee he-boned-before-me's bra sitting on our coffee table.
Hey, it's for a good cause!
#kthxbye
Special thanks to Effing Gear for the sponsorship to conduct this experiment. Check out their tees over yonder! Great for the bar scene ... kinda ... well, I'm finding that out as we speak technically ... so ... umm ... yeah.
Oh and PS. I have to issue a retraction on the previous post (see here)
I didn't realize it, but I actually texted HIM first - the chick "hi" text. So I, not him was the one looking for the booty call - ANNDD he didn't hang up on me, he couldn't hear me. I actually don't even think he was talking to me when he said he wasn't picking me up - it was another conversation he was having with someone else at the party. He had no idea I was on the phone at the time, that was weird.
But yeah, bottom line - the dude isn't a douche - like at all. I thought that was out of character, but whatevs. Again, people are strange when you're a stranger.
Just had to clear that up!! K ... Thx ... bye ...