Time to Effing #GetItOn: First rule of running a website, do not talk about running the website

Alrite, something just clicked in my brain, and I have @thenakedredhead to thank for it. No literally, she has a pretty cool blog - you guys should check it out: www.thenakedredhead.com

(FYI, I am conducting a new social experiment after my epic 103 dates by using OKC. I am still trying to find the organic root of attraction, but now taking the experiment offline while documenting it still online. You can read more about it here ... and read the rules here.)

First off - need a song. I am laying on the couch with my feet up in my little tiger slippers, and still in my bathrobe. Only one song I can think of ...

I am not fairing so well in my latest social experiment - and I am not sure what my next doable action is. See, what I love about documenting things as I go along is that it allows for me to psychoanalyze in a weird detached emotionless manner. I don't sit there and make excuses for people, or for myself - I can see in very black and white this is what I did, this is what they said - this was my state in consciousness in interpretation. Incredibly. Incredibly. Incredibly. black and white.

So, I met this guy on night two of the experiment that was super rad. Like crazy, ridiculously rad. We hit it off. He immediately asked me out on a date (read more about that here), and dude - we even subsequently had a second and third date because we just KEPT hitting it off. Statistically speaking it took me in my OKC experiment over 20 internet dates to find ONE guy that I wanted to go out on a second date with, and out of all of my 103 dates, there were only 11 second dates. This was night TWO at a bar. I was very genuinely shocked it was that easy.

Meeting people is not a problem for me ... at all; meeting someone who I am attracted to is. I'm not very often attracted to people. I know that sounds harsh, but not many people really motivate me. I want someone who can keep up with the weird shit that I do ... I want someone that has so much of their own bit of something going on we totally have to meet somewhere half way just so we can have the hottest sex up against a wall with half our clothes still on. I want ... that.  

I live life in passion, and I am just a ridiculously intense human being. I can't stop being that; it is my awesome, and I own it.

THHHAAATTTTT being said, I was super stoked at meeting this duderino and liking him - but a bit disenchanted by something he said to me the other day. He pretty much flat out told me that he would never date me. And the weirdest part is, I didn't even ask.

So, he knew right off the bat about my website, but he had no idea about the social experiment. I didn't break any rules in that regard, but he obviously knew I was going to write some sort of something about us even going out on a date since I am a lifecaster and that is what I do. He seemed cool with it for the first few dates, but then something changed - my assumption is that the novelty wore off, and he could tell I was starting to like him.

He wasn't the traditional fanboy, he definitely wasn't a starfucker, I kinda felt like I was just this new flavor of something that passed by and he wanted a taste (and TRUST, the feeling was very very very mutual).

Dudes, omg - I gotta say this though ... we had some seerrriioouuussslllyyyyyyy hot boning. Like good. lord. I didn't have an orgasm since we were still working on that whole emotional attachment and connection, but we were anatomically very very very compatible. Again, not something you come across everyday.

But yeah, we sat down to grab a drink the other night and he just flat out said before I had even downed the first beer that he was cool with hanging out (translation: boning) but other than that he couldn't imagine dating me - the documentation of it all was too weird.

I don't know if guys just assume that by going out on so many dates I must be impervious to normal chick emotions or something - but dude, how did he not think it was going to bother me. It honestly at the time he said it didn't even register ... at all ... it wasn't until just the other day that it all sort of clicked.

On Friday I sent him a text just saying I was thinking about him. Nothing like too weird, or chick like - but we had pretty much talked every other day or so, hadn't heard from him in a few days  ... wanted to say hi. And dude, I totally wasn't even looking to do anything ... very literally said "hope you are having a magical day, sexy lover face."

I sent that at like ... 4ish? I dunno something like that - too lazy to find phone and look. I didn't get a text back at all, and I kinda thought that was weird since he seemed to get right back to me ... but whatevs, people are strange when you're a stranger. Shit happens. Then I get back to my computer (as I had been offline for a bit ... SHOCKING) and notice that he had sent me a Facebook chat while I was idle.

Dude, so you send me a Facebook chat when I'm idle instead of texting as to not at all be perceived as a douche since yes, you did get back to me in a reasonable time frame, but you knew I wouldn't answer. SOO LAMMEE!! hahaha - but actually pretty smart. 2 points for doing something I haven't thought of, but sucky that I was on the receiving end of it.

Then, what he said to me earlier in the week truly sunk in. Dude, this guy isn't going to date me. I'm not saying I am looking for a relationship necessarily, but why would I continue to date a guy that takes it immediately off of the table for me? That just seems kinda lame right? Don't get me wrong either, this is a really really really rad mofo - and again, sure, if I was working a 9-5 in an office somewhere, I dunno - maybe it would be different.

This is what I do. This is what I love. I'm ABSOLUTELY and under NO set of circumstances going to change that for a guy - I am more just curious to figure out what I can do about that. I was literally thinking about that for the last day or so, then I got this comment on the 103 thesis post:

AMEN!!! YES!!!!

My problem is that I am so absurdly and FREAKISHLY passionate about this site that I feel like I can't not talk about it; this is my thing ... my baby ... what I live for ... what I will die for ...

I hit the naked redhead up on twitter and asked for some advice ...

No, I know it does. They stop viewing you as the chickadee on the monitor, and the nerderino in front of them. UUUGGHHHHHHH!!! FML!!!! Boys do not make this easy. At all.

Alrite, so next doable action for experiment this week - I am NOT allowed to give the name of the website to boys I meet at the bar that I am interested in. Of course, if they just talk to me or whatevs and I'm not feeling it - sure I can give them my card ... but otherwise no. And yes, I can usually tell within the first 10 minutes if a guy is going to get my number - at that point, it's just a matter of can he not fuck it up.

And dudes, I'm totes not mad at the boy btw for not wanting to date me. I totally get it - again, I wasn't asking to even date him ... but the second anyone just immediately takes that off the table - I'm sorry, no bueno. Life is too short, and I have way. way. way. too much awesomeness to share.

Super grateful btw to this chickadee for that epiphany. If they keep prying, I'll use deflection and put it back on them and get them to change the subject. I need to stop talking about working so much, so this one is going to be tough - but I have a feeling I can do it. Remember from the crashing the Grammys that where there is a will - there is always. always. ALWAYS. a way!!! This, I can do.

Special thanks to Effing Gear for sponsoring my latest social experiment. Check out their shirts over yonder! They totes act as a pretty rad ice breaker at bars ... hahaha that much I know!! WHOOP WHOOP!!!

#namaste