Time To Effing #GetItOn: A Solo Act

BAHHHH!!!! haha omg, I had the most epic of epic fails the other night in regards to my latest social experiment.

(I am conducting a new social experiment after my epic 103 dates by using OKC. I am still trying to find the organic root of attraction, but now taking the experiment offline while documenting it still online. You can read more about it here ... and read the rules here.)

So, on Tuesday - I got invited out to happy hour and dinner with one of my favorite favorite writers out there. No like straight up, I just adooorreeee this person's site. Like seriously.... so much so it's prolly illegal in 38 states. 

We get done with dinner, and I was walking back home - and was literally going to walk right past Barney's Beanery. At this point I was kinda toasty, and figured meh, yeah it was unplanned ... but I am wearing my Effing Gear sweatshirt - so I got the ice breaker factor covered. 

::Insert gratuitious shot of my rack:: 

Rocking the charcoal pullover. Click the image for more info!

HAHAHA omg I am so embarrassed typing this ... 

So, I go in, and first complete a lap scoping out the scene, then head to the restroom to make myself appear unavailable for a moment. You can't just commit to a location right away - you have to see first how many eligible bachelors are on the prowl and then place yourself in direct relation to them. 

IT'S A SCIENCE PEOPLES!! 

I walked out of the bathroom and BOOM bumped into a duderino that I met last Friday with his friends. I was like wait, what? Remember the prosthetic leg guy? Yep! That was him.

Asked what was up, and even helped them out with trivia for a few rounds. DUDE!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE ME SOME BAR TRIVIAAA!! For REALS! Why do you think we have the Weird Al Says: WTF section on this site? I love love love random useless information. 

Either way, after a few minutes of talking I excused myself and explained to them that I was there to conduct my social experiment, and my purpose was to meet new boys. They laughed, said I was crazy - and I told them that I would talk to them later. 

I then moseyed on over to the bar and plopped my lil fanny down. Maybe about 5 minutes or so later, this tall dark and handsome duderino sat down next to me. Like literally next to me - clearly indicating interest as the bar was not full ... at all. 

Hi, my name is Jen - I said as I extended my hand for a shake. 

Hi! I'm Frederico! 

Well hello Frederico, love the name. Where's the accent from? 

Chile. 

Chile? Amazing! What do you do out here? 

I work for the government. 

Like literally the government? Are you a spy?

Mind you, my brain is racing at this point wondering if my Bond girl dreams are finally going to come true. Please tell me the President needs my nerdy help and my time has come to finally serve my country. 

Not a spy. I work in .... 

I very literally cannot remember what he said he did. I just heard the "not a spy" and tuned my brain off. Gosh darnet. 

He kept talking and talking for a bit, then he goes yeah - I'm liking LA so far but I think it will be a lot better when my girlfriend gets here.

My ears perk up. 

Girlfriend?

Yep! 

AHHHH!!! I then reposition myself in my stool. Well duderino, I am here tonight to conduct a social experiment, and if you are not single, no matter how much I may be enjoying your company - I must excuse myself. 

Really? 

Yep. Really. Here's my card, I'm sure you'll be part of this story. 

HAHAHA his face was priceless. Wait, you do what? And this is ... ???

Toodles. 

Peaced in the middle east to the other side of the restaurant down by the pool tables and plopped down in a booth in the corner. 

A couple minutes goes by, I just drink my beer and relax - this duderino was about to take a shot and was going to hit me, so he broke the ice by asking if I wouldn't mind moving for a sec. 

Sure, not a problem ... I move ... then after he takes his shot he comes over and introduces himself, and invites me to join his friends at the adjacent booth. 

BINNGOOOO!!

While he finishes the game, I start talking to his friends.

SOOO!!! What's your name, where you from??

I don't remember their names exactly, but one of the duderinos said Culver City. I said no shit, I used to live there - on Tabor. 

He shoots me this look wondering if I am stalking him ... um, that's my street. 

No shit, I lived on the corner of Tabor and XXX - yeah I know, I'm one block away. 

Crazy. 

I then asked him what he did over there ... 

Oh, I'm a software engineer. 

AMAZING! I said with literally that much excitement ... 

Again, totally cannot remember what company he said, but I do remember that I had heard of it.

What do you do? 

I run a website. 

HAHAHAHA then I kid you not, he gave me this look of, um yeah right. You? Run a website? Bullshit. 

Yep! It's called Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover. 

Remember, per the rules I could say that I run the website, but I can't say that I am conducting a social experiment. 

He then asked a bit more about what I do, and I explained to him that I am a corporate sponsored minimalist ... blah blah blah and yada yada yada. 

I gave him and his friends my card and they just shoot me this look of disgust.

Dude, my card is SOOO cute!! Really!??! Really!?!?! 

His friend hands it back to me. 

HAHAHA this I remember word for word ... 

"Everytime I come to LA I meet a girl exactly like you. What is it with you people and running your businesses?" 

Huh?!?! 

What is it with "us people?" 

What me being female? Me being a nerd? Me being a chick at a bar being passionate about something other than an attempt to get laid. 

Well, technically speaking yes, a side effect of my experiment is getting some - but that is neither here nor there. 

YOU PEOPLE?!?!?!! Who are these people you speak of?!?! And how is it I have lived here for SEVEN years and I don't meet people like me at a friggen bar. 

I was so confused. 

He continued ... "you're more than welcome to still stay here and chat ..." 

Translation: Fuck off. 

WOOOOOWWWW!!!! 

And that happened.

I licked my wounds and walked back over to the bar. Frederico was no longer there, so it was a safe zone at that point. 

I continue to drink my beer wishing for my level of intoxication to at least increase so I could wash the pain from this night away. 

Trivia continues ... and I even help out the table behind me. Not because I wanted anything clearly, but I knew most of the answers and I figured someone had better take it. 

Then, came the FINALLLLL trivia question. Like the final final one. A music question. DUDE!!! THAT'S MY THING!! 

Who sings this version of this song? 

music cues. 

I ... I ... I ... I'm hooked on a feeling ... 

TOM JONES HOOKED ON A FEELING!!! TOM JONES!! TOM JONES!!!!

They write the answer down and submit their answers. 

Dude, I TOTALLY got that one in the bag. Alrite, maybe this night isn't so bad afterall. 

He reads the final answer and cues up the song. 

Hooked on a feeling ... by 

Not Tom Jones. 

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! 

Yep. Worst. Night. Ever. 

The table actually got pretty pissed at me. I was like COME ON!!! It was a good answer!!! Totally thought that was him. 

I excused myself. 

Good lord, is there a rock I can PLEASE JUST CRAWL UNDER!?!!?!?! 

I finished my beer and left for the night. 

Really ... really ... REALLY?!?! Is this happening right now? 

I am proud of myself for actually at least trying to go to a bar by myself, but yeah - never. ever. ever. again. I need a wing person to bounce off of. 

Like for reals ... that just needs to happen. 

#facepalm

 

Special thanks to Effing Gear for the sponsorship to conduct this experiment. Check out their tees over yonder! Great for the bar scene ... kinda ... well, I'm finding that out as we speak technically ... so ... umm ... yeah.