My name is @JenFriel, and last night - I just completed my 101st date in 9 months

Apr 8

This is the true story ... (true story) ... of a girl (one nerdy girl) ... who just completed 101 dates in less than 9 months (less than 9 months) ... in an attempt to conduct a social experiment using math and science to find the organic root of attraction (the root of attrraacccttiioooonnn) to find out what happens ...when daters stop being polite ... and start getting real.

*waves* hello ... my name is @JenFriel, and last night marked my 101st date in less than 9 months. (Do the math, comes down to about 3 dates a week ... which some weeks obviously had more, some had less - but I never double dipped. One night, one date - no dups. ever.)

I get asked a lot of questions about what I'm doing, so I just kinda wanted to clear the air and discuss some frequently asked questions on what I'm doing and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Frankly, I'm getting sick of typing it out to each individual, so it's going to be sooooooo much easier to just send a link. BALLER! =)

K ... time for appropriate song as I write this post ...

HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA are you kidding? Omg, I am so not cool or a pimp. I'm in fact so uncool it may in fact go around the circle of coolness only to be back at ground zero uncool. This is more my flow ...

BITCHIN!!

As I've discussed at great lengths in the last week, about a year and a half ago I had my heart supremely broken. Like crazy, whooahhh omg did that really just happen type shit. When it all went down, I didn't actually deal with my broken heart, I instead just threw myself into this website, and building a brand. YAYYY cause now like you're all here!!!!!! After experiencing that kinda heartbreak, I didn't really know how to navigate back into the dating world; everything seemed different - I thought by now I was supposed to be done with all of that. I hate hate hate the bar scene, and I didn't want to start dating one of my guy friends, as is usually my MO - I had to be weened back in somehow.

It started off innoncently enough one night, I was talking to my friend @kristi_gail, who at the time was using the nerdy website OKCupid to go out on dates, and she said I needed to step away from the computer and actually start to have a social life.

Scene: Hollywood apartment. Summer 2010. Kristi is sitting on the couch drinking a glass of wine, Jen, played by "me" is sitting adjascent to the couch on the computer with her back turned ... also drinking a glass of wine. *Cue reinactment*

Kristi: Girlllllll ... you sit on that computer all day. every. single. day. Go outside ... go meet people.

Me: I do meet people! I meet lots of people ... I go to meetings, hang out with readers of the site - dude, is this happening?

Kristi: No, I mean like dating wise. I've never seen you with a boy. Time for you to go out on some dates, and stop working all the time.

Me being well, me (who else would I be in this scenario? what does that MEEANNNN)- I figured if I did have to actually start dating again, there had to be a way that I could incorporate it into my world. I agreed to join OKC on one condition, that I could document my findings and conduct a social experiment. (This was the very first OKC post)

See, IMHO, life is reflective. When it comes to relationships, friendships, even business partnerships - we are with someone because something in them resonates in us. It consistently takes two to tango. (Tangent: Boys who sit there and say, I always seem to attract the crazy, dramatic chicks make me laugh - what's goin on in your noggin that allows that type of scenario to occur?)

I clearly did not anticipate going out on so many dates, however it inadvertently taught me not only a lot about men in general, but of life's true reflectiveness.

Let me explain to you all a bit about OKCupid. It is straight up the nerdiest of nerdy dating sites out there; they use math to get you dates. No, like literally.

Per Wiki: To generate matches, OkCupid applies data generated by users' activities on the site as well as their answers to questions. When answering a question, a user indicates his or her own answer, the answers he or she would accept from partners, and the level of importance he or she places on the question. The results of these questions can be made public. OkCupid describes in detail the algorithm used to calculate match percentages based on answered questions, and has applied for a patent on the process.

Users can search for potential matches based on their match percentage, as well as other features, such as age, religion, and location. Some features are not searchable, such as weight. The site also uses a "Quickmatch" feature, which displays user images and information, but not user names, and contacts a member via email if they were "4 or 5-starred." The site notifies a user if both parties gave 4 or 5 stars, in addition to "mutual burns," when both parties give one stars.

Users who receive high ratings may be notified by email that they are in the "top half of OkCupid's users." This email states that they "will now see more attractive people in [their] match results", but A-List users can search by star rating as well.

Their metrics are OFF THE CHARTS in accuracy. Literally. I have a standard compatibility/ friend match that I go off of (I cannot publicly disclose it however, or the experiment will be skewed), and it very literally has never failed. Like ever. Dude, one guy, @Tgumb - I was matched like 90% match, 90% friend - we didn't have chemistry necessarily on our date, but I wound up staying in the dudes house for two months on my crazy lil journey, and he is very literally family to me now (the man introduced me to spirithoods!! bahhh!!). Like it's absurd - but that's OKC. It removes the emotional components of what people think they know about each other and just put at face value here is what you are interested in, here is what they are interested in ... here are your morals spelled out ... and theirs ... religion, politics, dude - their questions are nuts! They seem so unbelievably simple, but we don't read with our eyes, we perceive with our minds. Everything is based on how you answer the question and their metrics can figure out your state of consciousness and then compare that to others in their database. Fucking insane!!! The most absurdly accurate thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Chemistry, is of course, intangible - but I know based on a certain percentage if I meet this person, so matter what I am going to at least walk away with a new friend. (There were maybe less than 5 that I wouldn't be friends with. That's it!)

Out of the first 100 dates, there were only 10 second dates, and 4 instances of "butterflies in the stomach." Tangent: Earlier I labeled those 4 as being a potential for a relationship, the first three were - the last one I didn't really want to date, but felt crazy awesome chemistry.

However, because of my documetation of the experiment, I quickly discovered that the first three were completely emotionally unavailable (see this post for a breakdown of said emotional unavailable-ness). They all looked different, had very different professions, and lifestyles - literally the only common denominator I could find in each one was that they weren't looking for anything serious, or that they weren't ready for a commitment. Again, if life is reflective though, what does that say about me?

I spent a week at that point delving into my core and addressing my own heartbreak in an effort to clear my own decks and see if it worked. The result? Had an AMAZING 101st date. Like crazy awesome - we have a second date scheduled for tonight. OMG OMG OMG did I mention that he's into psychology, studying people, body language, has a super nerdy job - and um, did I mention that I think he's super cute?!?! I will guarantee you too, this is someone I would never ever meet at a bar. Like ever. Ever. Primarily because he brews his own beer ... but hey, that's a horse of a different color.

So, what worked about that date? In all honesty, timing. He's a great guy, and a lot of the dates have been great ... but his timing was perfect. I had just cleared the decks of my emotional house (which yes I am aware is an ongoing process, but gooooooddd looooorrrrdddd that felt amazing to release), and I was feeling incredibly optimistic about my social experiment for the first time - in fact, I didn't even really think about it ... was just excited for this date in general.

Timing. Timing. Timing.

It honestly amazes me at all that humanity has evolved as much as it has seeing to the fact that dating in general is just such a clusterfuck. First you have to find someone you're compatible with, then you have to pray to god you're attracted to them, followed by there actually being chemistry - and oh yeah, all of this has to be MUTUAL?!?!! It kinda boggles my mind - I'm not gonna lie.

There have been a lot of good dates, bad dates, and in betweens. Dude, 100 was horrible. Horrible horrible horrible. But I can say this, I'm taking away a little bit from each date. Guys open up to me, tell me about their life ... and I get to sit there and listen. It's pretty rad actually. I'm getting to know a lot about the mating cultures of males in a very primal sense. Every guy sits there and trys to sell himself to you, and it's funny, what worked about 101 was that he just didn't care. He owned it. There have only been two instances of guys owning it on 101 dates. Kinda shocking huh? Don't try to sell a chick on a date, let her sniff you out. Make me think that you have multiple buyers interested. Don't be a douche and play games ... that's not cool either, but be comfortable in your own skin. THAT is attractive, and THAT women can spot a million miles away. Same with females, man. Do you want the prissy looking chick who yes, may be commercially attractive at the bar, but won't stop fidgeting - or do you want the girl drinking beer, not even paying attention to the guys that are trying to mack on her because she's so into screaming at the game on TV.

We overcomplicate so so so many things in life - and dating is at the top or definitely near it!! BLOWWWSSS MYYYYY MIIINNNNNDDDDDDDDD.

OKC however cuts out the bullshit, and cuts out a lot of the hard work, and polite conversation talk that goes on in dating. I don't have to sit there and wonder if your feelings on abortion are the same as mine ... let's just plop on over to that question on the questionnaire. And oh yeah? Think burning a flag should be illegal?? That's on there too.

As far as the documentation goes, there is no creepy camera crew around me (like every date assumes) - just me ... well that plus a FourSquare checkin. I never name names, that's up to you though if you checkin with me at the same place on FourSquare, or tweet me about the date ... then people can find out - but otherwise, I don't say boo. I just post honest experiences about what works and what doesn't. Obviously not about every single date though. Honestly, not a lot of people are that inspiring that I can get a post out of. I just sort of exist, and let things organically unfold, however OKC takes care of the most difficult part ... meeting the people to begin with.

Like literally, Okcupid is the shit. I am not affiliated by them ... I like to call myself their unofficial nerdy field sexpert - haha! But straight up, their metrics are ABSOLUTELY off the charts with accuracy, and if you're single, nerdy, and not using this - you're totally missing out. Like totally totally. Obviously, again though, you have to do your own internal work, and make sure your house is in order - no dating platform can prepare you for that ... but hey, that's what services like Tumblr are for.

Click here to check out OKC for yourself. It's free, and only bites if you sneak up behind 'em. So like, don't do that ... k.

Click here to read more of my findings from the social experiment

And live in LA, and wanna date me? Click here to check out my OKC profile