This is a story about #love, but it's not a love story (Part 7)

Apr 2

Dudes, there is so much healing going on from this story - its kinda blowing my mind. First off, heard from the chickadee that called me a bitch the other day, and she apologized for her role in all of this. She said she felt bad for so long ... I said it takes two to tango, and I certainly had my role as well. We all did. ANNNDDD she also paid this series the greatest compliment ever, she said I'm telling it incredibly accurately. She said she's even addicted to it, and she lived it first hand. Bat shit!

As a storyteller you have to stay as neutral as possible while trying to convey the heart and the emotion of the story. It's not an easy task to do with a story like this. I wondered initially if I was telling it as accurately as I could be. Thanks for the confirmation!

Alrite ... ready for the next chapter of As The Rubiks Cube Turns??? Baller!

K ... so if you're not caught up on what's goin down ... here's part one ... here's part one point five ... here's part two ... here's part three ... here's part four ... here's part five ... and here's part six.

(Basically, I got my heart supremely broken a year and a half ago ... it actually was one of the reasons that I started this blessed little site. It's impairing my current OkCupid social experiment ... so I decided to grab this story by the balls and take ownership of it. These are a series of posts that I am doing to hash it out and make it tangible so I can move on since I can't afford therapy. FOR REALS!! That shit is expensive!!!)

HIT IT GAGA!!!

I walked into the apartment, and I was literally shaking. Who was this person that I was living with? The stories that I were hearing had his name in them, but it just didn't make sense.

It doesn't make sense ...

Why doesn't ANY of this MAKE SENSE!!!!!

I fell to the floor with my jaw dropped. All of my tears at that point were gone ... the blood drained from my face making me white as a ghost (I'm pretty effin pale to begin with too. Goodness gracious).

This isn't real life. What is happening? Who is this person? What did I get myself into?

I didn't even unpack, I just sat there among boxes, bags and clothing staring off into space.

The night drew on, and turned to the morning. I decided I couldn't even emotionally process any of this yet, so I was going to do the only thing I knew how to do ... move on. Work is very therapeutic for me. Hence why I love love love running this site and love love love running this brand in general - it allows me to maximize my potential. I need to stay busy. I hadn't worked at all for a few months, not good for my psyche. Fortunately, however - the social space was in fact booming so after a few quick phone calls, my client list was building up quite nicely.

I used to love me some freelancing since you mostly get to work from home. There was only one client that I added that wanted me to work from their office. Not a prob, one day a week, you pay my rate - I smile sweetly. Done! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

One of my first days in their office, I was driving home and I hear BAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM - my tire blew out. I don't even necessarily know if it blew out - or what ... but that fucker was a goner, and my beetle was not a happy camper about it. I pulled over on Venice Blvd.

FUCKKKKK MMMMMMMEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

I compartmentalized my catastrophized thoughts and focused on the next doable action, calling AAA.

Not a problem, says the guy. We'll send someone out for you. It'll be about an hour. Mind you, my face was literally buried in the steering wheel, my body was so defeated - I was shocked I was still able to even hold the phone up to have this conversation.

An hour. A fucking hour. Good lord.

I did what any chick that just had her heartbroken would do when she finds herself with unexpected time on her hands ... I proceeded to Facebook stalk the mentalist. (I had unfriended him at that point, but his page was public.) I got on my Droid, flipped over to his page, and my eyes almost bugged out. Literally, 5 minutes prior to me stalking, some girl had posted on his wall the following message:

I HATE YOU XXXXXXXX!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE AFTER TWO YEARS YOU COULD DO THIS TO ME. EVIL RUNS THROUGH YOUR BLOOD.

Again, yay life for photographic memory.

I blink twice, is this for real? What is happening in my life that makes me keep asking that same question over and over? Did this chick really post this on his wall? Who is she? Wow! Wow! Wow!

I IMMEDIATELY click her profile, and from my phone sent her a message. Who are you? Did he do the same thing to you? What's going on with that post on the mentalists wall?!??!

5 minutes later, I get a response. She said she knew who I was, and offered her phone number. She wanted me to call her to discuss things.

Whatttttttt is going on here. Tangent: I keep writing that over, and over, but I assure you - I couldn't stop thinking it. This was very literally the most bat shit thing on the planet. So, he did something to this chick too? She knew about me? And now she wants to discuss what happened on the phone? Like voice to voice communication? I don't do voice to voice communication with just anyone. Omg omg omg ... this is happening.

The hour passes by, but fear, anxiety, and anticipation pump through my blood. What is she going to say? OMG I have to get home.

I walk into the apartment, and close the door to my bedroom - I stare down at my phone. I cannot dial her number, I cannot do this - I just want this all to be over. Why isn't any of this over yet?!

I take a deep breath, and click the green button.

Ring ring ring - Hello? comes out of the ear piece.

Fuck, she even sounds hot.

Hi, it's Jen.

Jen ... I can't believe it. I always asked him about you, I had such a feeling that you two were together. Please, tell me everything.

She had no idea how loaded of a question that was.

Well, I said - here's the thing ...

I then proceeded to tell her the longest. story. ever. (See parts 1-6)

She starts crying. Horrified at what I am telling her.

She then tells me that she and him had been dating for 2 years - and she thought they were going to get married. She met his family, they all loved her. (She's from his hometown - or not far, I can't remember.)

She kept crying, and I kept listening. I had no idea what to say to her.

I want him dead - we have to get revenge, she said.

I told her that revenge and anger are like throwing a hot stone at someone, you both end up getting burned. The best thing we could do is to wish him well. Tangent: I very literally btw, could not believe these words were coming out of my mouth. I had no idea what to say to this chick, I hadn't even processed what I was going through but I found relief in guiding her healing.

I said over and over, please, just wish him well. We are both going to move on, and we are both going to do bigger and better things. Yes, this is very sad - and I can't believe this is happening ... but doing something to harm him, or doing something stupid will only hurt you too and tie you emotionally to him longer. We can't do that, we just have to let it go and let it be. Be well mentalist. Be well mentalist. Be well mentalist.

We spent about two hours on the phone piecing together the timeline of our relationships with the mentalist. Remember the trip the mentalist went on to Jamaica right after visiting me in Florida (see part 1) - well, he was going to this chick's brother's wedding. Yep, right after he boned me for a week ... he went down there to hang out with her and her family.

She said she had been going back and forth to LA up until that summer. I said, yeah that's when I moved in! She goes OMGGGGG you guys lived together! I said yeah.

The mentalist's apartment was super fucking weird - he had literally everything a female could need. Tampons, to contact cases, chick shampoo, even make up. I quickly realized some of the items I had been using were in fact hers.

Fucking. Weird.

I hung up the phone with her, and sat on the side of my bed and just started laughing. Like hysterically laughing. Good lord this guy is a fucking idiot, I thought. Social media is the worst thing to ever happen to someone like this. HAHAHAAHAHA!!! Facebook connects dots - and mannnnnnn did we have some epic connecting.

HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAAH!!! omg I couldn't stop laughing.

I don't know if she had called him, or what - but a few minutes after I caught my breath, the phone rings and it was the mentalist. I pick up the phone and continue to laugh in his face. I wasn't even mad anymore, I said to him - you've got to be fucking kidding me.

HAHAHAHAHAAHAH! You are such an idiot, at least unfriend chicks on Facebook if you think they're about to go psycho on you. You're a mind reader right? How did you not see that one coming?

I told him that we had talked - and I knew everything. Then, I did something even I didn't suspect - I asked how he was feeling. You have to understand, I loved this human being. Like loved. loved. loved. Love doesn't go away. It's a bond that you share with someone til death do you both part. It evolves, but that's about it.

He started crying. Don't leave me. Please don't leave me. I miss you. I love you. I kept saying over and over and over, be well. He got more angry, how can you say that to me? I said, how could YOU do this to people? Who are you? You told us both you loved us. How can that be possible?

Please don't leave me - he said, please don't leave me.

I said, there's nothing to leave. We weren't together. I was under some fucked up spell clearly. I commend you on your talents, if I can fall for it - anyone can. You should bottle your shit and sell it - I'd buy. (Dude, I'm so twisted.) I told him to be gentle on himself, that this all coming out was going to happen eventually.

I asked him about brownie girl. Is she really pregnant? He said he didn't know. He told her to have an abortion if she is - but he had a feeling she was just doing something like this to establish a connection with him. Remember, this chick BAKED BROWNIES!!!! WHO BAKES BROWNIES IN LA!!!!! She clearly just did that so she could then ask for her dish back. Woman is dumb as a fox.

I said, I was over it - and this conversation wasn't going to happen. I needed to move on with my life, and start to put the pieces back together.

I hung up the phone and started crying. He was hurting, I was hurting. Why did I ever have to find out about that Facebook email? I just kept thinking over and over and over, I really wish I knew nothing. Ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is truly bliss.

Yet another night, I cried myself to sleep.

Alrite- gonna take another break here. This story has a little bit more to go. Did I mention that I went back to him? Yup, that happened.

Oh, and this story has an update as of a few days ago. I got an email from one of the chicks - and it was GOOOOODDDD!!! =) =) =)