#TrueStory: I went out on a date with a guy that read my foot

Mar 4

Haha! Weird weird weird series of scenarios that I was going to wait to post on in the morning - but who am I kidding! Running a website is a 24/7 job, you think you can sleep? HA! succkkkkkkkaaaaaaaa

Alrite. Rewind back to Saturday night. Was getting my freaky freak on at the place where one can get their freaky freak on without having anyone care. Seriously, I spent the entire evening topless covered partially by a spirithood. I say this not to entice or titillate, just incredibly matter of fact that I made a conscious decision to further not give a fuck, and just have fun. Unapologetic awesomeness, ftw! Left my friends for a hot minute to use the restroom, was walking back to the dance floor - and this dude grabs me. It was this weird harmless type thing. I don't remember what he said to me, but it was along the lines of "I like your energy, I want to read your foot." Me, being me, and well, open for EVERY SINGLE EXPERIENCE I could possibly have in life, was totally fucking game and said, alrite!

We walked over behind the grotto, and he took my boot off and proceeded to tell me all about my present reality. It's reflexology and has some very very very fascinating qualities. I don't believe in the psychic shit, or things being pre-ordained based upon the stars; I am living proof that you MAKE YOUR OWN DESTINY! Go, do cool shit - just write about it, and let other people in on your story as much as possible. For reals, it's that simple. Oh noes, do I smell a tangent? Shut up Jen. So, we walked behind the grotto, and he proceeds to take off my boot and read my foot.

I am not easily surprised with anything in life. I sort of just take it all as it comes, and live life with no expectations. It was 1 am, I was at the playboy mansion - whatever was going to happen was going to happen. This dude was not about to get in my pants, especially since I was wearing a skirt - wasn't even IN pants, was just there to have fun, and let loose for a night. I kid you not, he freaked me out with the shit he picked up on. Think about it like this though, again, not in a psychic sense, but our feet carry ALL of our weight. You think anxieties, tension, or happiness wouldn't show in our feet? Life is cause and effect. When it comes to our body language, it is completely mirrored by the thoughts in our noggin. Women primp their hair when they like a boy, I personally figit with my hands like a MOOOFFOOOOOO when I'm nervous. We all do it, we can't help it! 99% of the time we are COMPLETELY unaware that we are even doing it. All this being said, he picked up on the most obscure, weird, ungoogle-able shit you could imagine. Needless to say, I gave him my number when he said he wanted to take me out on a date.

Flash forward to Tuesday (he waited the prerequisite 3 days - WHICH btw are super super super lame. no chick will care. Just call on Monday, it's cool.) he leaves me a message asking me out to dinner. I was allllllll up on it! This guy is a freaky deaky leaky, and mama likes that ... a lot.

I told him I was free on Thursday night, and alas! Here we are. Normally for me, I won't go out on a date with a dude unless I know a last name (so I can appropriately Facebook and google stalk them), or have an OKC profile to go off of. It's my comfort zone. I like knowing what I know about the web so I can find anything I want to know about someone. This whole romanticized notion of, oh yeah! let's just get to know someone is super fucking lame to me. Anything I want to know about you I can find out online - we all leave digital footprints. If for whatever god awful reason I cannot find that, that means you are hiding something. Very very very black and white, and horrible un-Disney. Mama likes!

We went to dinner, and he took me to this little Ethiopian restaurant in little Ethiopia which is just south of Olympic on Fairfax. And dude! He was FUCKING AWESOME! This guy was so rad! He just kept saying, you are so happy - he could just feel the love from my soul. It was the raddest compliment anyone has ever paid me. He doesn't read feet for a living, in fact, I can't even say what he does for a living since it's super fancy pants; BUUUTTT I can say he does incredibly well for himself and just bought a friggen house in an uber posh section of LA. Needless to say, palm reading in Venice isn't his thing. But OMG! at the end of the night, he totally read my feet again - and it BLLLEEWWWW MY MIND!!! He picked up on things I very very very privately browsed, and literally have never ever ever uttered online, let alone to even a single soul on this planet. And no, not porn - I have no problem telling people all the porn I look at. Sex is pretty black and white with me, this was like from the dark cave that I didn't even want to address that I had. Clearly of course we all do, but in my little land of LA-LA, this thingggggggg/person/scenario/whatever was in my past, and not at all a part of my present. He fucking picked up on it, and was like whhhaattt are you thinking girl? Why is this scenario still here? Dude, NO ONE KNOWS! He addressed my problems with intimacy, my UNBELIEVABLE passion for music (but from the creative perspective, not in the music industry), my ease at being able to resolve scenarios, and the fact that all of my lines were so interconnected. He freaked out at that actually. I was like yeah! I'm a lifecaster. My work is my art, is my life, is my heart, is my everything, and I'm stunned that someone can make a living having this much fun. He just kept saying over and over how passionate I am about life and philosophical, and that there are lines underneath the lines in my feet. Totally fucking blew my mind. And I kid you not, I've had my palm read two other times in my life - and NOOOO ONNNEEEE has come close to what this guy did for me.

I can very honestly say that in my last year and some change of just constantly meeting people, he is HANDS DOWN the most interesting person I have ever met.

I don't know what exactly he is- or what exactly it is that makes him tick, he's a fucking nut job that's for sure .. and I dig it. Where will it go from here? Who knows. We didn't kiss, just hugged - I don't really pick up that vibe from him. But I dunno. He invited me to dinner next week, so we shall see.

Got dropped off by that duderino, then went to meet up with some peeps over at Big Wangs and then Dillons. OMMMMGGGGGGG, I need to get laid again soon. I know, I know - you all got pretty peeved at all the posts the last time I was in need of some lovin - but seriously, I'm like a dude. I can't help it. I need to get laid to think. Haven't had sex since the Santa Barbara boy ... and that's itching on almost a month. That is no bueno. I only have a little bit longer before I start getting super cranky and super irritated. HAHA! Me and the girls tonight were totally creepin. It was hilarious. We kept doing laps looking for boys, and alas! nothing but epic failure. There were absolutely, no hot boys at the bar. The worst part is, I am so conditioned now to focus on compatibility that I had no idea what to even look for. Pretty boys don't do it for me; I dig quirky, I dig stories. I can't look at a boy and find that, hence the reason why I don't look for dudes at a bar - I'm an efficiency freak. Either way, it wasn't like I was going to pick up a dude at a bar and get some (not that theres anything wrong with that, but for me personally, I need more). But you do need a few lined up in some sort of cue. Like after x amount of hangouts, x amount of something ... it will eventually lead to you getting some. Which is rad, since I have a little bit of time left before I get cranky. UGH! End of night, no new boys in cue. I am so unbelievably sick of dating, you all have no idea. I always end up dating my guy friends. I can't STANNNDDD getting to know someone, I like starting things mid sentence after all of the polite conversation has been killed.

So there you go, that was my night. I am now retiring to this super sexy couch. For reals, you all make my life - so thanks for being in it. Like no seriously ... the foot dude even told me, I am a happy happy bitch, and it's all because of what you all have given me. For that, I thank you.