Fun with #OkCupid: Boys are smelly let's throw rocks at them.
I have to vent for a minute ... because if I don't I'm going to have a sour puss on my face all night, and I'm like totes going to this super fancy pants thing in Beverly Hills ... and I can't have a sour puss on. No one likes a sour puss. Stop being a sour puss, Jen!! Stop it!!
K ... so my week of dating has been horrid. Like absolutely, positively, the worst thing ever. My date Monday was god awful. Like horrible horrible horrible. So horrible I didn't even want to post on it to give the dude some weird complex. Nice guy I'm sure deep down ... I ain't hatin, but he told me to slow my brain down ... twice. I very literally was going to get up and leave but I was stuck at the Staples Center. Ugh. Was just literally the worst, and most awkward date I have been on in a while. The guy has ADD and short term memory loss - literally. So he'd get stuck on his own tangents and then forget how the hell he got on them in the first place.
Yeah no shit. Was high-larious.
Dude, I have ADD ... but I also meditate - so if I'm talking tech I can't help but let my brain explode at 200,0000 mph - otherwise, I try and focus my energy in one place to not be such a wackadoodle noodle. I'm not a fan of hating on people in general, or ripping them apart - but we did not hit it off ... at all. He tried kissing me - twice, and kept touching me. OH AND I totally almost fucked this bitch up in the bathroom. Totally not kidding. I'm such a lover not a fighter, but this chick really got my Irish up. (I'm sure too if I had this incident alone isolated, I prolly would have just laughed it off and kinda moved on ... but after my evening - this was just the icing on the cake.)
K, so I was in the restroom as the game was over, we were just chillin at Hyde - and I find this bank card on the floor. Not even a credit card, a bank card - and I ask hey is there a XXXXXXXX in here? This chick that was clearly sloshed comes out and goes ME while ripping the card from my hand. I was like um, can I see some ID please? I'm not just about to give this to you - I have no idea who you are. She hands me her ID and it's a fake. I'm like, sweetheart, I'm not the cops. I ain't gonna bust you, but please show me another credit card or a Facebook or Twitter profile. She gets PIIIISSSSEEEDDDD and starts literally screaming in my face saying I need to back the fuck up and leave. Again, she's drunk. I said, well I'm not leaving without that card. You have two options, show me the Facebook profile, or I'm leaving with the card and you can explain this to the officer outside. She then pulls up her Facebook profile and says - SEE TTHHIIISSSS BIIIITTTCCHHHHHHHH!!! Like literally, I cannot stress this enough - this is like 4 inches away from my face. Don't fuck with a chick with personal space issues. Either way, totally kept my composure said alrite babe - get home safe ... and moseyed on out. She then proceeded to scream obscenities and I was just over it. Literally, like worst evening I have had in a while.
Wednesday, I had a super super super awesome date. Like for reals - this dude was the tits, straight up DD. We met at Dillons, as I was celebrating my super awesome meeting with the suits - and we hit it off so well that I asked him for a ride back home. Normally, I manage my own transportation - bus ... subway ... walking ... something. But I really liked this dude, figured he couldn't be that big of a creeper. We def made out as he dropped me off ... and away I went. Amazing kisser, totally felt sparks like CRAZZYYYYYYYY!!! He texts me the next day - I tell him I can't play anything cool, but if he's game he should come out to Big Wangs as I was going to be consuming copious amounts of beer and wings to celebrate. We text back and forth for a bit, cute, flirtatious ... then he says hes not sure he can make it out - dude, I get it. He works a normal human being job, has shit going on. THENNNNNN ... on Friday he texts me again asking how things went yada yada ... he's now initiated the contact twice. I don't ever call or text boys. Honestly, it's just out of lack of interest. Contact me via social media since that's where I am anyway. You're more than welcome to enter this world, outside of that - I'm not really interested. I type over 110 wpm - I literally type too fast for my Droid to process when I text. It sucks ASS!! So, bottom line, I don't care who you are - I fucking hate texting. We go back and forth again, asking how my day is, what I'm up to later ... so, I invite him out to The Roxy. He said he had this dinner with some work peeps but would def try to make it out. Wait, wait, wait - nothing. Dude, The Roxy was literally on fire (posting more on that tomorrow) - and one of the only things he texted back was, literally on fire? I said, yep! We're standing outside.
I can understand potentially not wanting to come out to a venue because it almost burned down a few hours prior, haha - but for reals, why the fuck wouldn't you text me back to meet somewhere? There was CLEARLY an attraction, CLEARLY like crazy chemistry ... all we did was kiss so there was no, pu-na-na-nah ... but what's the story morning glory? If I like a boy, I can't help it. I feel really really really sorry for boys that I have crushes on - because I will go after you. It's tragic actually. I don't play it cool, I make no fuss about it, and definitely never apologize. I go after every.single.thing. that I want in life. It's who I am. Like period end of sentence. Plus too, he was asking me what I was up to indicating that he wanted to hang out?! Two nights in a row you don't hang out?? There are 86,400 seconds in the day. I am the QUEEEENNNNN of maximizing them - so don't tell me you're busy. I have no problem telling you that you are full of shit. No one is ever that busy. It's a fucking trip for me too because I wonder if dudes just play it cool because of my OKC experiment and shit in general. Like, they get such a rise out of it, but aren't really interested in dating? I dunno. I'm so confused. I'm trying to document this all as honestly as possible, and I really don't know if that's possible because when you add in the public component to it, that dudes are genuinely intrigued with in general, it equals a complete clusterfuck.
Dude, it wasn't even him, just my week being so unbelievably awesome, but so totally overwhelming that I started crying at the Roxy. No like, a solid stream of tears escaped my eyes in the bathroom. Again, greatest problem in the world to have - whoops, your website and life are being made into a TV show ... aww poor baby ... but I was so hurt, man. Again, not really by him, since to be honest there is no emotional investment, but it was a culmination of a lot of shitty dating experiences in the last 8 months. Why is it that I can create this really trippy reality, and create this life that I just am so completely head over heels in love with - and yet every time I sit there and find someone I like weird shit happens. Great for this site, really really really sad for the lifecaster behind it. Pisses me off. Worst dating week ever.
Life is reflective, there's something I clearly have a block with inside of me when it comes to boys. There's no coincidence in this happening, I'm just trying to formulate my next doable action ... and I'm clueless. Ugh.
K ... now I'm off to this party. It may be at a super nice house in Beverly Hills, but I'm still wearing my vans. So ... suck it - beyotch!
#kthxbye
