#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Polly Dixon
What: Physical Fitness
When: Session One of Twelve
Where: Golds Gym, Hollywood
Ugh. I’ve gained 10 big, fat, huge pounds since moving to Los Angeles. Who does that? This is the land where your body counts for everything. I want to say healthy eating…but we all know that is not the case (CVS on Beverly Blvd can’t keep it’s large laxative section filled!). But it certainly is the land where physical fitness is important. Everyone here has fabulous bodies and mine, lately, is just not up to par with the way I would like it to be (and it’s also cramping any desire to jump in the sack or date or basically, even smile at a dude), so I’ve put some measures into place to try to fix the situation.
One of those being hiring a trainer. Today was my first session. And GOD HELP ME: He’s a super cute, southern boy from Virginia with some amazing agility skills and a super tone body. I want to be like him. Anyways, I was so nervous about sweating profusely and looking like a fat lard ass that I barely slept last night. Turns out – I did sweat profusely and jiggled all over like a bobble head. Gross. But seriously, he’s cuuuttttteeeeeee. I don’t know what it is about trainers but seriously, I spilled my guts to him within 3 minutes of Exercise Set #1. He knows more about me than a lot of my friends do in this town! Insane. I’m thinking that I no longer need therapy and can just go to “my trainer.” [Too bad, my therapist would highly recommend against this!] Plus he shared some dirty details about his life too. So pretty much, it’s LOVE. What is it with these trainers? This always happens to me.
On the other hand, I HATE him. Seriously. I can’t lift a single thing right now. I can barely type. I’m tired. I don’t want to eat anything remotely healthy. For gods sake – I LOVE PEANUT BUTTER! Whaaaaaaaa. Plus he made me do some god awful exercises today that made me not look pretty. Inappropriate. And he lies to me. He keeps saying that I’m almost done with a rep and then the next thing I know, I’m doing 5 more. Lying is never a good thing in a relationship.
It’ll be interesting to see how things go. . . aka will I fall in love? will I keep going? will I lose weight? at what point will I start calling him names and using inappropriate language? My friends make fun of me because I fell in love with my last trainer. Swore we were meant to be together until we located his website where he sold HATS wit his EYES on them. And I haven’t heard the end of it yet. Ohhhh, how I love Hollywood. Let’s hope this isn’t the same thing.