#TrueStory: I analyze relationships like a business transaction
I'm currently having a pretty rad conversation with an el nerderino on my Facebook wall, that I wanted to share with you guys and sort of elaborate on. *Cue screen shot*
I love talking about this IRL, but it makes me a bit uneasy posting on it - as people get really really really defensive. The purpose of this post is to not make fun, but rather present an alternative perspective.
K ... prerequisite covered, now let's go ...
I've posted on this a bunch of times, I come from the ideal 2 parents, still incredibly madly in love, met in grade school were each others ones onlys and everything. Literally. My parents are freaks of nature in every bit of loving way. HAHA! *waves hi mom and dad*
My parents are the exception, not the rule. That took me a really, really, really, long time to understand. I view relationships as more of a business transaction. Romantic? Fuck no, but if it "doesn't seem to make sense" - I don't do it. I don't believe in this notion of there being one perfect person in the world for me, and I am not complete until I find him. Someone, somewhere, started saying that so they could sell you things, or have you conform to an ideal way of life as a way to control or manipulate. I blame disney, but it goes way further back than that.
This is why I LOOOVVEEEEE using OKC to date - it presents people in a very matter of fact way. It's AH-MAZING! I went out on this date with a guy that I met at a bar a few weeks back, and it was meh. I wasn't feeling it. Cool dude, had fun - but knew whatever I was looking for, I wasn't going to find. Come to find out, he had an OKC profile, and apparently had even messaged me prior ... I tracked down his page, and saw in very black and white that we were not at all compatable. The dating metrics on OKC are OOFFFFFFFF THEE CHHARRRTSSSSS!! I have been using it for 7 months, and its been SUPER accurate as far as me being able to "hit it off" with someone. Of course, the one intangible is chemistry - and there is no equation that could account for that, clearly.
I spent my ENTIRE life desperately wanting to find this guy to "complete me." The problem was, I wasn't waiting for a ring I was waiting for a life. I had subscribed to this notion that this other person was going to make me whole, because apparently I am not organically, we are going to then have kids, a house in the burbs and sing John Mellencamp songs. It just doesn't happen. That ideal way of life was presented to you by people that were not only trying to sell you things, but manipulate you into believing you have to have this way of life to achieve a level of happiness. It's like hahahahaha, you want this happiness over here - well ya ain't gonna get it til you do this! You end up viewing life through romanticized glasses; the result of that is very painful.
We place unrealistic expecations upon people when we romanticize. Those expectations can result in serious heartbreak when the other party doesn't live up to them; and oh yeah! it also, COMPLETELY stresses out the other party and causes this overall feeling of "I just can't give you what you want."
Life is reflective, everything starts with you. I see that in a very matter of fact way working in social media all day everyday. When I'm in a great mood our numbers are through the roof, when I'm not - I'll get a few bits of hate here and there. Trips me out, but that's my constant. I believe its the same though for relationships. I dated a series of not so nice guys, because I was not so nice to myself. Now, good lord, I have gone out with some of the raddest dudes on the planet ... what changed? ME! Big time!
I started attracting some seriously amazing guys because I changed my own frequency level by putting down the romanticized glasses. I stopped belieiving in this happily ever after, and started viewing things in the moment, and thanks to OKC in a very matter of fact way.
Now, instead of imagining a prince, I look for all the qualifications of what would make a good partner. I don't want a guy who finds my glass slipper, or can wake me from a beauty sleep ... I'd rather have someone who kicks my ass, challenges and inspires me intellectually and emotionally. Where's that story? Sounds like a pretty rad fairy tale to me!
I say this to my girlfriends all the time - STOP WAITING FOR A PRINCE CHARMING! I just cannot stress this enough. I don't need a man to complete me, all I needed was a website. Yes, I have physical needs, duh, but fortunately because I did some internal work, (life is reflective), I seem to keep a pretty steady stream of potential mates.
I don't have all the answers in life, clearly, but this was a BIG hurdle that I had to overcome. I still catch myself from time to time romanticizing (like I did with the boy that took me out on a date and we ended up in Santa Barbara), but I recognize those were endorphins talking. I've posted how sad I feel because I placed expectations on him. Dude, so not cool. He's a rad guy, and where ever in the future that goes, it will go. I can't focus on the future, because again, that means I'm picking up the romanticized glasses; that is a direct route to pain in my world. I can however, logically assess a situation in a very matter of fact way and recognize that it is not a good time. What am I doing about it? I have another OKC date tonight. It's not a matter of not wanting to place all of my "eggs in one basket" - and more of fact that life is meant to be lived, and enjoyed. Anyone that tells you anything different is just trying to sell you something.
#thatisall
Want to join in on conversations that spontaneously happen on my wall? Facebook my butt over yonder!
Live in LA and wanna go out on a date? Click here to send me a message on OKC
