#NerdsUnite: 6 Things I learned while being 26
I turn 27 tomorrow. While I am excited at a new year, and new awesomeness - I have also been reflecting on lessons I have learned in the last year. Here's what I learned:
1. No one discovers you.
I'm not quite sure what happened with our generation - but between getting medals for merely participating, and this overwhelming belief that life happens to you, you don't happen to it - we kinda fucked up. Well, let me personalize that a bit more to explain … I grew up wanting to be in the entertainment industry. I always knew it was for me (literally, before I could talk I performed) - I just didn't know exactly how I could fit into it having been born a nerd, and lacking certain social skills. I then spent years modeling, acting, writing - anything I could do just to learn SOMETHING - but in the back of my head, I kept wondering when someone was going to discover me. I went to every "actors networking event," made sure I always wore makeup to the grocery store, and NEVER dared to be seen looking … unkempt. I was completely convinced that someone, somewhere was going to find me in some cosmic manner and through destiny and destiny alone, my life was going to change. Actually, come to think of it, this is how I viewed dating too. That one day, this guy on some white horse was going to save me from this hellish game of dating and magically when our paths crossed we would lock eyes - know we were made for each other, and after sometime have 2.5 kids, a house in the Hamptons and life would be great. I kept waiting for happiness to arrive at my door versus turning inward to figure out what made me happy!!! I went to doctor after doctor - therapist after therapist - I was a victim of every circumstance to ever happen to me, but I never EVER held myself accountable for anything. It. always. takes. two. to. tango. Even down to the people my dad grew up with, and how they were just straight cruel - I played a part in that too. I could have spoken up, fired back - it was a choice for me to turn inward and instead rip myself apart. Albeit, yes, I was young and "might not have known" - but bullshit. I was a smart kid, and I knew what they were doing was wrong - I played a part in that dynamic. For SURREEEE!! 
Everything that I have ever done, and anything that has even been done to me - I have played a part in. We are all energy beings, and like energy will attract. I attracted those scenarios in my life, and allowed them to continue. Own your shit, nerds! Things just aren't "happening" to you. You're attracting them!!! Even down to illness, dudes, I had MRSA in 2007. That super bug! Got CRAAZZYYY sick and had to lance these massive growths on the back of my leg … what perfectly healthy 23 year old has that happen to them? I would get sick EVERY YEAR with any cold, flu, or anything that was ever going around. I now haven't been sick for almost 2 years. I can vividly remember the last time I was sick, and it was in September of 2010 - and I had a fever for a day. That's it! I used to not be able to go a month without getting sick with something!! My body was in dis-ease because I wasn't happy!! I kept waiting for all of these outside influences to come in and tell me my value versus discovering my value through what made me happy.
Take control of your life, and take accountability for your actions. You. Create. Your. Own. Destiny. It. Does. Not. Create. You.
2. Less is more.
In 2007 I lost everything I owned in a massive cockroach infestation. Not something that I think everyone should have to go through - but all these years later I can't begin to tell you how grateful I am to have experienced that; the roaches freed me. We feel this great necessity to hold onto yearbooks, old stuffed animals, holiday decorations that your grandmother once had and were passed down to you - the list can go on. What I never understood though was how much these things weighed me down. I have found success in life by being malleable. At any moment, I can jump from place to place, and when the time came for me to give everything I owned up again to launch this brand - it was SUCH a no brainer. You aren't your dresser. You aren't your desk. You aren't your Gucci bag, or your must have Jimmy Choos. I used to be a label whore like the rest of 'em, and now I wear super smelly, falling off my feet vans, the same 3 sweatshirts and less than $15 vintage dresses I can find at various second hand stores in LA and I gotta tell you something - I've never felt sexier. 
I wear what I wear because I want to wear it. I wear hoodies because half the time I have to protect myself while taking public transportation (and hoods can do amazing things to help you disappear), I wear vans because I have to run from place to place, and this is just me. When I removed all of the labels, and all of the clutter - I found clarity and peace. We love love love love LOVVEEE to hold on to things wondering well, one day I'm going to need this, and then I'll be without … it makes me laugh. The universe has handed me EVERYTHING I have ever needed in the moment I needed it. For one year, I had only $10 to my name, and my bartering skills. I not only never went without a place to stay, but I never went without a shower, or food. The universe had my back, man! And albeit yes - I was working a solid hustle tweeting things out, and constantly emailing sponsors, but to be in that vulnerable of a state and not be "without" taught me SOO much!! If the universe for ONE YEAR took care of me and I was never without, who's to say I know better and I should keep this green sweater that I SWEAR one day I will wear again. It's clouding your mind!!! GET RID OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!! Another sweater will come along, it will keep you plenty warm and allow yourself to move on. Even when it comes to sentimental things - what is sentimentality anyway? It's bullshit! Your dead relatives aren't in your things! No matter how much you loved Auntie Em, she's not here anymore and she certainly doesn't care what happened to her collection of mass cards. LET. IT. GO! It's holding you down energetically more than you realize.
Seriously!! Ask yourself, is sacrificing my happiness and passion worth this green sweater? If the answer is yes, then stop reading right now cause the rest of this won't make any sense to you either.
3. Say yes to everything - always.
I don't ever stop doing and I don't ever stop saying yes. Life resides in the moments that you say yes! I can't stress that enough. Everything in life is a breadcrumb, and something you say yes to now might not make a lot of sense now, but looking back could be HUGE! Here's an example …
Back in March of 2010 I was asked to be a tastemaker and host a screening of Hot Tub Time Machine here in LA. Sure, not a problem, I thought. I promoted the film on the site, even rallying a bunch of people in the community to come to the screening dressed up in 80s costume. On the day of the screening, a guy that worked for the public relations on the film (and was my contact) asked me if I wouldn't mind introducing the film to everyone.
Everyone? I thought. Like the … WHOOLLLLEEE theater!!! The site at that time was only a couple of months old, and while we had a following - it was still a bit overwhelming to stand up in front of the ENTIRE theater and speak. 
Remembering that anything that I fear I should walk near, and that my answer to everything should always be yes! … without thinking, I said yes.
I was then handed a microphone and in front of a very packed theater said, Hi! My name is Jen Friel - I created the website Talk Nerdy To Me Lover dot com - which all of you should check out - and welcome to Hot Tub Time Machine!!
A few days later, I forget now how many, I received an email from someone in the audience. They had checked out the site, found my Facebook and wanted to meet for lunch. RAAADD!! I thought. (This was the beginning of me being dirt poor for a year.)
I then emailed him back, thanking him for checking us out - and later that week we met for lunch in Beverly Hills.
I had NOOOOOOOO idea at the time that the guy that messaged me was a suit from MGM. He was in the audience, heard my little spiel, and not only went to the site but asked to meet with me later. (And now, those are the suits for the scripted pilot.)
Had I been too scared to introduce the film, who knows if I would have ever met that individual. That ONE YES changed a lot for me.
That, and the fact that I email everyone back - ALWAYS.
Say. Yes. To. Everything. ALWAYS. Open your mind, have new experiences. Sure they're scary while you're doing it, but once it's over you're going to feel SOO proud of yourself, and energetically speaking you will have grown as a person - which is what we're all here to do anyway, right?
4. The biggest decisions you will ever make will never seem like a big decision at the time.
Launching this website was the scariest and greatest thing I have ever done. There is nothing more validating than designing a business around your personality and watching it grow and get bigger than you. It's like holy shit! I'm not crazy, I'm just hella different and that's a commodity!
That being said, that understanding was something that was revealed to me gradually and not in one big "a-ha" moment.
I think it's a great misconception that people that that the choices that we should make that are "right" will be revealed to us with some magical light, and a podium. It's like a sign appears reading ::light shines down and angels sing:: JENNIFER - This is what you shoulllldddd be doing.
Fuck that shit! No!!!!! Light does NOT shine down! And there are DEFINITELY no angels. What there is however is passion. I am a BAT SHIT CRAZY PASSIONATE PERSON!!! I'm walking in my bliss, man. Try and fucking stop me! It can't be done!!!
Now every day, of course, I am getting more and more confident however when I started - I focused on the fact that this stupid ass website was the only thing that made me smile. I had just gone through a gnarly break up, was barely speaking to my family, should have been proud of all of my life's accomplishments - but I wasn't. I just did everything I was told to do; I was this pretty little puppet that regurgitated information rather than owning it.
I.OWN.MY.SHIT. I own my mistakes, and I own my successes. Do you know how GOOD that feels?? Even when I hear "no" from someone, I still thank people for their time and view that "no" as a starting off point. I don't stop because I physically cannot stop. This is my life's passion. This is why I am on this earth. And when I started it, it was THAT easy - it just FELT REALLY GOOD!!!
Hang on to those things that feel good. And WHATEVER that means to you!! To go from modeling and tech sales to straight tech made no sense to anyone - but I believed in it. I had no idea how to start a business, I had no idea how to run a new media company - but I had an idea, and I had the passion and the freaky determination to never give up.
I'm ABSOLUTELY no different than you. Right NOW you have an idea. RIGHT NOW you see a trend. RIGHT NOWWWWWW you have something inside of you that two years from now (I launched this site on November 3, 2009) could be something bigger than you. It's ALL BREADCRUMBS!!! And no big "a-ha" moment. You. Just. Have. To. Do. It. and understand that there is no big moment - just big passion.
5. Follow up. Follow up. Follow up.
The lessons learned from my time spent in sales is something that I take with me every day. Cheesy, I know - but it taught me a lot about life. I spent a year and a half as a sales rep for Verizon (indirect wireless sales) - and the other was 6 months spent selling ad space for a direct mail print publication. In cellular I was brought in to fail and proved the middle aged male department wrong, and left very literally the top rep in the nation (over 100 of my peers). The other job I was brought in to succeed and failed because of the economy and also, because frankly - I didn't believe in the product. (This was the beginning of 2007 - and I wanted to spend more time in the digital space working for LiveVideo where I saw things going.) In any regard, in both jobs I was taught one very valuable lesson: 90% of people do not follow up.
Sure, you will have a great first call, a solid first meeting - but then 90% of people will not ask for the sale, or ask for whatever they were after. That number blew me away at first, but when I started my own business I saw first hand that yep, they were right!!! I can't BEGIN to tell you how many people reach out wanting to write for us - and then never follow up. How many people have come for advice or whatever it may be, and then I ask them to call back the next day or email me something - and they very literally never do. Fucking BLOWS MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!
The notion of not following up in sales was so foreign to me because it was something SOOO deeply engrained in my sales training. Fact: People don't follow up. How to beat people = FOLLOW UP!!!!!!
It's with anything in life too! When it comes to guys I've said no to - if you keep asking, and you're generally not a creeper, you'll for sure eventually wear me down. It can apply to a job hunt, or a promotion - people will absolutely give up. Period end of sentence. Some sooner than others, but if you work hard, keep your head down and FOLLOW UP you will be the 10% and not the 90%.
6. Question everything.
Ask my parents what my two favorite words growing up were, and they would both in stereo respond with "because why?" I was an incredibly precocious child. If something didn't make sense to me, I had NOOOOOOOOOOO problem asking about it. My parents were of course frustrated a lot of times (their most popular response was "because I said so!") - but they also embraced my curiosity.
Aw how sweet.
They also told me that anything I ever wanted to do in life I could do. No matter how big the dream, how insane it may seem - and that was very literally the greatest gift they ever gave me. At my organic core was FIERCE curiosity, but you compound that with the reinforcement that you can do anything in life - and you ladies and gentlemen have one @JenFriel. I will always question the way something works, and with my brain want to break it down to figure out how it's made and if it can be done in a more efficient way. This was never more evident than getting to finish high school in 3 years. Dudes! I totes found a faster way to move to NYC!!! ::mwahaha::
But seriously I question everything - and I can't begin to tell you how valuable that is. People are insular beings. We're very much in our own little world, going at our own little pace, if you stop and question someone when they're in that "zone" you immediately pop them out of being insular and get their attention. Then, if you actually make sense people begin to respect your ideas, and if you're actually "right" then things get really fun.
Again, people aren't going to just "discover you," or discover how intelligent, sharp, or whatever amazingly awesome adjective you can use to describe someone. You have to own your shit, and SPEAK UP!!!! QUESTION THINGS!!!!!!! QUESTION EVERYTHING!!!!!!! We are balls deep in not only a recession but in a technological revolution. People aren't really that much smarter than you, or brighter than you - they just speak up more, and question things!!! Be heard!!! Start a blog, start a twitter account. Tweet your passion, tweet your ideas - question authority figures publicly - whatever it means to you … but just freaking DO IT!!!!!!!!!
Life is waiting for you - SO GO FREAKING LIVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#kthxbye
