#NerdsUnite: The Ramblings of a Raconteuse (With my pants around my ankles ... literally)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter this week, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea.

I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

Well, this week one of the most embarrassing things EVER happened to me. 

Most people would be utterly mortified by it, but of course being an actress, all I can think about now is how I can use the experience as fuel for a role, character, or story.  What’s more, is that I am kind of in awe of the fact that because I’m an actress I see so many moments in life this way.  And consequently, I’m kind of immune to full out mortification at this point.  I instead seem to experience a gnawing “well that was extremely awkward” kind of embarrassment.

Yes, I was caught with my pants around my ankles….literally.  And the old man who walked in on me in the restroom got an eye full of vagina.  In fact, at his age I’m sure it was more vag then he has seen in years, perhaps decades. 

Instead of crawling into a hole of embarrassed anguish, I have instead chosen to seize this extremely awkward moment as an opportunity to ponder all of the ridiculous things we as actors do over the course of our careers that help us grow a second, third…thousandth layer of thicker than thick skin. 

For example, the audition alone is a breeding ground for potentially mortifying moments.

As The Working Actress explains in her blog, “Do you remember when you weren’t working? And how important that first job interview was? How much time you spent prepping for it? And how much you went over in your head what you would say, and how to be charming, and how to not seem nervous, and how to leave such an amazing impression, that you would get it. OK, great. So take that slice of life, multiply it by 3x a day, add crying on cue, memorizing pages of OTHER people’s thoughts, then hearing that you didn’t get it for no particular reason, and still going into the next one and doing it all over again. 5 days a week. For most of your life.”

In spite of all the potential anxiety this scenario can cause, we need to be at the top of our game and focused yet vulnerable enough to be really true to the scene and to the character, with anywhere from one person, to a room full of people watching you deciding if you are right for the role.  

Then if you book the role perhaps there is a make out scene, a sex scene, a nude scene. Being embarrassed in these scenarios doesn’t serve anyone.  If you’ve agreed to do the role, you just have to own it and rock it out. 

And what about intimacy?  As actors we wear our hearts on our sleeves in every moment of a scene and just by virtue of the fact that our function is to be as real a character as possible, we let the world see all of the good and bad parts of us through a thin veil of another person’s words and actions.  

Yes, we figuratively always have our pants around our ankles.  

So for these reasons and many others, I am choosing to see getting walked in on by an old man while in the restroom as no big deal.  But I will say that I probably should have been making a peep show salary for that 4 awkward seconds. 

Hopefully we never meet again Mr. Eyefull, and…you’re welcome.  

xoxo

hels aka) Helenna Santos Levy 

#awkward