#TrueStory: When I was 15 I saw two people having sex and asked my parents about their toys

Dec 13

Oh my goodness, do I have a story to tell you all. It's pretty hilarious actually, and something TO THIS DAY my parents wont let me live down.

OMG I am blushing. Assume the postion Friel ...

SHAME!!! SHAAMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEE is my name!

K. So, when I was in high school, I took two foreign languages strictly so I could convince my parents to let me study abroad. Was totes genius, and two of the greatest life experiences I had as a wee one.

Freshman and sophmore year I took French enabling me to travel to France. And junior year I switched to Spanish - got SUPPEERRRRR good grades, and was then able to qualify to go on the Spain trip.

SUH-WEET!!!

The trip was amazing. I was named group leader, and without knowing a lick of Spanish I got around pretty easily.

<tangent> Dudes, being a cute American chick is GOLD when you travel abroad.

I just opened my mouth and said Soy Americana - or tu parles englais? Sealing both of course with a killer smile and a wink. I might have been a nobody in my school in America, but abroad - I was pretty popular. Dudes, these two guys on the France trip even tried selling me for some weed. I had no idea what they were saying to him in French, but a few hours later this guy showed up at our hotel screaming - JENNIFFEERRRRR!!! JENNIIFFFEERRRR!!! while riding around on his little bicycle.

High-larious. </tangent>

The girls on the Spain trip were still pretty clique-ish, but fortunately because both schools in West Hartford went on the Spain trip it made it a little easier to make friends.

Either way, one night I was with a bunch of the girls hanging out in the hotel room after some crazy day of sightseeing - and all of the sudden I heard one of the girls scream.

Not the kinda scream that she's being murdered in a terrible fashion (wait, is there a good way to be murdered? Shut up Friel) - but more the kinda scream that she was in complete horror or disgust.

We all run over to her, (there were about 10 of us in the room), and as we approached she pointed screaming LOOK!!

We followed her finger and saw that outside of the window there were two people half undressed looking like they were about to have sex.

The guy was in his mid to late 40s and dressed in this wife beater, with those weird knee high socks that men wear. I'm not quite sure what they're called, but they're held up with this garter looking thing. Hold on lemme google ...

These are just the knee highs - but they also had some metal contraption holding them up too. CANT FREAKING REMEMBER WHAT IT'S CALLED!! Bah! This is going to bother me. (Thanks to Teresa and Edgar - they are called Sock Garters! WINNING!!)

Either way ... the hotel was shaped like a U so we could see RIGHT into their window, and they were totes exhibitionists - so I'm SURREEE they knew we were watching - 10 screaming 15 year olds can't exactly "hide."

They then started boning , which was weird because I had never actually seen two people have sex before. We couldn't see his pecker, and her clothes were still half on (the wife was super hot btw. She was maybe in her mid to late 30s), but it was one of the most overwhelming things I had ever seen before.

Dude, these people were REALLY fucking! Holy crap!!!

I would sneak a peek at HBO from time to time, but I only read porn online - I didn't watch a lot of it. It was a very eye opening experience.

The girls kept screaming as we piled on top of one another attempting to get a better view, and after a few minutes things REALLY got hot and heavy.

The guy then turned around and opened up his suitcase.

WHAT IS HE GOING TO DO NEXT? Screamed one girl

I have no idea!! Whispered another

The suitcase opened and the guy then removed a rather large rubber penis. It wasn't like a dildo - it actually looked like a real penis, but anatomically on the "generous" size - with really massive rubber balls attached.

Where is that going to go? I asked naively

Moments later, we found out - and screamed closing the blinds.

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I ran out of the room out of fear of getting caught and went back into my assigned room.

Scariest thing EVER I thought! Pulling the covers over my eyes and falling fast asleep.

You have to remember too, I was an INSANELY naive kid growing up. Which now I think is why I'm so absurdly curious and ask a gajillion questions about everything as an adult. My parents did a great job sheltering me from sexual shenanigans - but yeah, they could only do so much. HAHA!!!

The next morning, we all went down for breakfast, and all of the girls couldn't shut up about what we had witnessed last night.

He was so old, cooed one.

She was so pretty - pressed another.

The teachers weren't really paying any attention, btw - and I was the team leader of my group, so as long as everyone kept their voices down - I was cool with the conversation going on.

(Just don't get caught Friel! Just don't get caught! I thought)

I then went up to grab a biscuit at the buffet and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a familiar face.

OMG, it's HER! The pretty lady from last night!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! I thought COMPLETELY frozen at the buffet.

She smiled as she walked past, and moments later her husband followed.

Both were so proper. Her with her button up cardigan, and him in a polo. You would stare at them thinking they were going to church, meanwhile all I could think about was where he put that big rubber penis from the night before.

AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I then ran over to the table shouting to the girls - they're here! they're here! the people from last night!!!

Everyone looked over, and the couple barely took notice.

We then ran out of the restaurant and headed off to whatever our daily activity was.

OOOMMMMMGGGGGG hilarious!!!!

Dudes they were SO FREAKING NORMAL LOOKING!! BUT NOOTTHINNGG and I mean NOTTHIINNNGGG was normal about their night last night. Whoo-ie!

Later that night, I got on the phone and called my parents ...

Mom and Dad! Mom and Dad! You won't believe what me and my friends saw last night!

What, daughter?

Two people had sex - and they weren't using the usual toys.

My parents were ... SILENT.

Usual toys?

YEAH!!! I replied back enthusiastically.

TO. THIS. DAY. I do not know what I meant. For reals, I didn't even know what a vibrator was until I was 22 - so I have ZZEERROOOOOOO idea what I meant by it, but there ya go. Naive nelly strikes again - and this story STILL gets told over, and over, and over in my family.

What exactly are the "usual" toys, Jennifer? (says my mom)

MORTIFIED! Me= Mortified.

So, there ya go! I'm Jen Friel and when I was 15 I not only saw two people having sex, I then told my parents about it and commented on their toy selection.