#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride (PT 3 The Messy Middle)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet by buddy Julie! She's my roomie, we met on Craiglist, and she is 1,000 flavors of everything awesome sauce. The reason why she had a room in her apartment however is a mighty long story. See, Julie was dating a duderino for 8 years. Yep, they were engaged to be wed and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Now the engagement is off and Julie is attempting to heal from her loss; these series of posts are her best attempt. HIT IT JULIE! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

At the BiltmoreRead my reservations about writing out this story and here's Part I and Part II of our ending.

Early November

The sad person that picked me up on November 1st quickly went away. The, cold distant person came back. If you are going to get cheated on (hey, it happens) at least the person can get down on one knee, beg your forgiveness, tell you it's a mistake, that will not happen again, apologize profusely, etc. He didn't do this.

November 7, 2010

It's a Sunday and we plan a trip to Venice Beach with a couple of his coworkers. The whole time I kept looking at one of the other couples hanging out that day. They acted like a normal couple, holding hands and walking next to one another. My ex was in no way acting intimate with me. Barely talking to me and certainly not holding my hand or even walking next to me.

The group decides to go into a bar and sit down for a bit and grab a drink. My ex gets up to use the restroom and then the server came over to take our drink order. I order for myself and then I stare blankly at the drink menu for a moment. My ex and I could always successfully order for one another. His coworker looks up at me and says, "He probably wants a hefeweizen." I ordered for him and felt my heart sink. This dude knew more about my fiancé then I did. I couldn't fucking take it.

I excuse myself and go downstairs to call a friend. "Hey, do you know of anyone who is looking for a roommate?" The week prior I had filled her in on what had been going on with us. Her and I spoke briefly about apartment options and then we continue to text back and forth for a bit for the next hour. I had to excuse myself at least 5 times from the group to continue to speak with her. He never even asked me what I was up to. Later he said he thought I was just going to the bathroom. Anyone who gave half a shit about a person would have been like, “What’s wrong with you?”

Venice BeachI've never felt as invisible as I did on that day. I've never been made to feel so unimportant. When we got home I explained this to him and he was clueless. I was totally overcome with sadness and told him that I needed to get away. I planned a trip to visit my friends in Asheville, NC. Los Angeles can be lonely since all of my family and at the time, all of my friends, lived on the east coast. I just needed to be around people that knew me and that loved me. Well, if your partner has just told you that he and his coworker have made out a couple of times in front of a bar, leaving the state might not be the best idea. But I wasn't really thinking clearly at this point. I was distraught and I just knew that I needed to get away.

November 11, 2010

I head to North Carolina. It was so great to see my friends. They were in a long term relationship and had dealt with cheating in their relationship so they were great to bounce things off of and talk with. "If one person cheats do you automatically throw in the towel? Do you give them a second chance? Do you take some responsibility? Maybe they felt you weren't paying attention to them." The trip was a great distraction at first, my friend and I toured the Biltmore estate, it was so beautiful in the fall. The yellow and red leaves were breathtaking. Then Friday night came. I got a phone call from my ex. He informs me that he is going out to the bar after work with everyone from work. I beg him not to. He argues that I am not home and what is he supposed to do tonight? I tell him that he is just asking for trouble by putting himself in this situation. But this version of him is obsessed with going out and partying (This is also part of his attraction to her, she is super outgoing and they rally everyone to go out together. He sees her as a partner in partying). More begging on my part. He goes out that night anyways. I am sitting on my friend's couch thousands of miles away, unable to stop him, and crying. I fell asleep while watching Arrested Development that night. I lay there until my eyes just wouldn't, couldn't stay open any longer.

The next day I distract myself by going zip lining. It was an epic adventure (I believe in Zen through adventure, btw. Life gets tough, do something crazy). Later my ex and I talk on the phone. It was a pretty normal conversation. We hung up when he said he needed to get something from our neighbors Danny and Ellen and he’ll call me right back. 15 minutes later he called me back and it was as though I was speaking to a completely different person. It sounded as though he was crying. I asked him what was wrong and I told him everything was going to be okay. He told me that I needed to stop being so nice to him, that he didn't deserve it. My heart sank into my stomach, making me nauseous. He's feeling guilty. Oh no, what happened last night? He tells me that he needs to talk to me but doesn't want to do it over the phone. Well, thanks, but by saying that, I can kinda figure out where this is going. After drilling him for a few minutes, I don't think he intended to do this but he then basically breaks up with me over the phone. Aside from obviously breaking my heart, this really pissed me off. After over 7 years together I deserve much, much better than getting broken up with over the phone! He should have played it cool until I got back into town. I had to go and wake up my friend because I was hysterically crying. She stayed up and talked to me. She gave me a Xanax to help me calm down and I spent another night crying myself to sleep while watching Arrested Development.

November 14, 2010

At this point, I really really did not want to go home, but I needed to be at work on Monday. My ex picks me up at the airport and it was one of the most uncomfortable moments of my life. When I saw him I didn't know what to do. I can't even remember if we hugged or not. The luggage from my flight took an extraordinary amount of time to actually make it onto the conveyor belt. We stood like 10 feet away from each other in silence. It was beyond weird. I couldn't even believe that this was what we had become. Big Boi was standing right next to me and I didn’t even care. (LITERALLY! Big Boi from Outkast was on the flight as we had connected through Atlanta.)

That night he offered to sleep on the couch but I asked him to please sleep with me in the bed. We talked for a bit and finally I remember asking him, "Can you just give me another chance?" (side note: this dude cheated on me because we had grown so far apart and I am asking HIM to give ME another chance. What the fuckity fuck?) I held my breath. "Yes", he said quietly. We proceeded to have super hot, passionate make up sex.

I had no idea that by the end of that week I would learn a whole lot about what had gone down on Halloween and while I was out of town in a crazy night comparable to an episode of Cheaters.

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That was my past, but here's my present: I am doing great right now. Life is amazing. I look back at my posts from only a couple of weeks ago where I recognize that there is a small chance that we could get back together. I don't want that anymore. I've been dating and it's been fun. I'm excited for the future and I don't need to relive the past.

#nerdsunite

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