#NerdsUnite: I met my husband on @PlentyOfFish (Online dating Vs. Meeting someone on the internet PT 1)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jessica. She and I met through this loverly site, and by her reaching out to me asking if she could write for us. Really rad chickie, she provided a lot of insight into my childhood for me (something you don't get every day from someone!!) - andddddd she has quite the life story. Like did you know she moved cross country for love? ORRRR that she found out her ex cheated on her by reading it on Facebook? ANNNNDDDD she even married a guy she met off of Plenty of Fish! Yep, true story! This is life as told through her eyes, and through the keyword of the nerd. HIT IT JESSICA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @ItsJessWeaver

The internet is obviously awesome. We can all agree on that. I can spend hours and hours on it, completely entertained.  Hell, I got married to a guy I met on PlentyofFish.com.  The internet plays a pretty huge role in my daily life. When I want to know about something, I google it. If the first few links don’t seem to have right answer, I’ll take an average of all the different posts and typically come up with a consensus on what the right answer is. Recently I had a tender bump on the roof of my mouth. I googled it and the first few answers were pretty much:

“You probably have cancer.”

After that, most of the answers described a pretty harmless side effect of inflamed sinuses, and said

“You’ll be fine. If you have a fever, see someone about your sinus infection. Otherwise, wait for it to go away. If it doesn’t, see your ENT doctor.”

I waited, and it went away. I DID have other symptoms of sinus inflammation because of allergies, so it made sense. I totally could still have cancer. I might die tomorrow. Sure. Buuuuut…. I’m gonna trust the majority of the internet answers on this one, and just not worry about it. Boom. The internet just saved me $100 doctor visit.

So, the internet is useful. I get recipes from it, I learn how to solve algebra problems on it, I meet cool people by reading their blogs and watching their youtube videos. I have two close girlfriends I met on a forum for military SOs when I was with my ex, who was in the Army at the time. My ex is long gone, but they stuck. They are two of my favorite people, and I’ve been lucky to get to watch their families grow over the last 4 years.

If you can meet friends on the internet then why can’t you meet a boyfriend on the internet? It makes sense, doesn’t it? You’re ok with meeting a guy at a bar, or at the library, or a coffee shop. The internet is somewhere else you hang out. Same thing, right? Eh. Well, there are some major differences. First, you can’t smell the dude. I think smell is super important. Scientists say it is, too, since pheromones are a major player in the science of attraction. (Read all about the science of attraction HERE.) Second, you can’t see how they interact with other humans, in real life. That can be way different from how they interact on the internet. Let’s be real, though. When is the last time you remember smelling someone awesome at the coffee shop and hitting on him(or her)? Right, you don’t remember, because that shit usually doesn’t happen without something greasing the wheels, so to speak. We need an ice-breaker. We need a non-threatening platform to get the conversation started. In a bar, it’s liquid courage. In a coffee shop it might be sharing the same plug with someone for your tablet pc, and noticing you both ordered the same half-caf non-fat iced caramel latte, no whip. The internet is simply another platform.

There are two ways to use that platform to meet people. One, which I call “meeting someone on the internet,” is a more accidental method. Say you aren’t looking for a relationship, or maybe you are, but you also have a non-dating internet presence, like on a gaming forum. You “meet” people who appear to have some of the same hobbies as you. None of these people have to be single to participate, nor are they making any claims about their date-worthiness. It is happenstance—you happen to be in the same place at the same time, and someone will have to make a move to step your acquaintance up to the next level. This can be dangerous because the other person (or even YOU) may not have made it a priority to be honest about who they are to the people they meet on the forum. They may have a fake name, a lot of fake details on their profiles, etc. They might do that for safety, and I am not knocking it;  protecting yourself on the internet is important. Fake personal information does make it hard to take the friendship to the next level. Another obstacle is distance. Forums attract people with similar interests from all over the world. You probably are looking for a date a lot closer to home. Lastly, since this was never a dating situation to begin with, the person on the other end of the internet might be married with children for all you know. It can be very, very sad to develop an attraction for someone who is, for all intents and purposes, romantically unavailable(no matter how available they may have made themselves seem). I know this from personal experience. Still, it can turn out well, just like in real life. You can accidentally meet someone who turns out to be the love of your life, with your initial bond forged through mutual interests.

The second way is “online dating,” which has gotten a lot of play on TNTML and is gaining momentum every day. Match.com has commercials claiming that 1 in 5 relationships start on the internet, presumably on sites like theirs. If you don’t know how it works, here’s a quick run-down: You sign up, you tell the site about yourself, create a profile and start browsing other profiles to see if you might want to date any of those people, who have done the same thing as you, and are looking for someone like you, right now. They are usually in the same geographic area as you.  This, unlike method 1, puts you both at the same starting point. You still run the risk of someone lying about their marital status, but you can be more direct about asking that type of question because hey, you’re both here for the same thing. This also limits the chance of meeting someone outside your willing-to-drive radius. No matter what, both methods are merely a platform for breaking the ice and taking it to an IRL meeting. An entirely online relationship is completely unfulfilling for anyone who wants regular sex with that special someone and/or a family. Online dating can be a great way to meet someone in your area who you could go to dinner with tonight. I’ve done it. It’s perfect for weeding out the impossible matches.

In part 2, I describe my experience with method 1, or, as I like to refer to it: “How I accidentally met and became engaged to a married deadbeat dad.” Stay tuned!! 

#thatisall

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