#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an over-dreamer (How NOT to get kicked out of a club in Vegas)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Megan. (Yes, another one!) I met her at the #20SB summit in Chicago, and she's a really really really rad chica. She's here today to tell you about a little problem that she has. Megan is what we would call an over-dreamer. Not an overachiever because an overachiever actually achieves something ... Megan dreams, and that's it. And these are her stories ... HIT IT MEGAN!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Megan Hannay
Any resemblance of these narratives to true events or people is probably not the product of coincidence.
In my last post, I droned on for a bit on my issues with being an overdreamer. Still working on that one, I promise. But today I thought I’d give back to the community a little. Help out all you fellow overdreamers (I’ve met some now!) in case one of your life goals is NOT to get kicked out of a club in Vegas.
Here goes:
1) Do NOT consume two shots before embarking on an evening of bottle service.
Yes, your aunt and uncle may just so happen be in town too, and you haven’t seen them since Christmas, and wow, isn’t your aunt funny when she gets tipsy and says “let’s do shots!” But come on, girl. If you know there is some sort of bottle service involving club coming your way later in the evening, please limit yourself. Or at least chow down on bread.
2) Do NOT introduce self to random beauty contestant and invite her along.
Yes, it can be ever so fun, especially when in the company of guy friends, to show off the fact that you’re way better at picking up random girls than they are. I mean – think about it. As a girl, if random dude approaches you in Vegas, it’s kind of like “watch out.” If random chick approaches you and says nice girly things like “I love your dress! And your nails!” before introducing you to her slew of guy friends, something about the situation just seems…more okay.
But don’t let your arrogance get to you! Inviting random girls (especially those of the beauty contest variety) into your group, will NOT be awesome in the long run and WILL help you get kicked out of a club in Vegas, later in the night.
3) Do NOT allow beauty contestant to fall into a glass table of drinks while standing in front of you.
Yes, she may have been looking lonely and desperate, and you did just want to give her a nice peptalk and tell her that she doesn’t need the approval of random men to feel beautiful, but goddam, your balance isn’t so great at the moment. This is an especially bad situation if you’re say, 5’10 and she’s a very petite (very very petite) girl in very tall heels.
At some point, you WILL trip and fall a bit forward and she WILL fall a bit backwards, and there goes a table full of glasses and drinks and a magnum bottle of vodka, and your stretched out arms that didn’t manage to grab her in time will look like something else entirely to the onlookers.
4) Do NOT spend ten minutes staring off into space in the middle of the dance floor. WILL make bouncer suspicious.
5) Do NOT assume bouncer is up for a philosophical discussion.
If the bouncer approaches and asks you, “do you know where you are?” this is probably not the time to see what he thinks about quantum physics or the theory of relativity. He will NOT be amused if you tell him that you’re not sure, and he will NOT assume that you’re thinking about the fact that time and space are relative anyways.
That’s about it. Follow these five simple steps, and I guarantee that your chances of being kicked out of a club in Vegas will decrease by at least 73%.
Have a sweet Halloween, folks.
#nerdsunite
Want more from Megan? Check out her blog over yonder!