Fun with #OkCupid: A dude in the OKC corral
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Kenny. We e-met through OKC and although we've never gone out on a date, he was inspired by my documentation of my online search for love, that he wanted to come on board and provide male insight into OKC. So here you go ... and now we're here ... HIT IT KENNY!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @casetines
If you’re anything like me, then Full House was as much a part of growing up as No Fear t-shirts and Fruit by the Foot. That is to say, you’re in your twenties.As ridiculous as it sounds, there was an episode of Full House that struck me as poignant and as meaningful as any show that was actually good. In a season two episode titled “Pal Joey,” Joey and Danny recall when they buried a time capsule in the schoolyard as kids. It was also during this episode where we saw how Joey Gladstone developed his sense of humor as a child. (Results on whether or not Joey is actually funny still pending.)
We see how in school, Joey never really felt like he fit in and was picked on. He had to develop some sort of defense mechanism to guard himself, and he chose humor. Make ‘em laugh, and they’ll like you. Seems simple enough and while not exactly a breakthrough discovery in psychology for 1989, it certainly struck a chord with yours truly.
I mean, I was six-years-old, of course Dave Coulier was funny to someone my age.
I don’t know how much Joey’s own self-discovery influenced my own, but I know that I threw up the comedic force-field early on in life and never really turned the volume down. Unbeknownst to myself, I was actually developing a sense of humor. While the results of whether or not someone is funny are completely subjective, I think in general we can agree on whether or not someone can make us laugh.
For example, some of the greatest comedians of all-time: Gallagher, Carrot Top, Carlos Mencia, Andrew Dice Clay, Jeff Dunham, Larry the Cable Guy, Sinbad, and Paula Poundstone.
And if you get why that’s funny, then you and I are on the same wavelength. (Apologies to Sinbad. Houseguest was the bomb, yo!)
Seriously though folks, there’s a reason why most great comedians are seen as tortured souls who have dealt with a lot in life. I listen to WTF with Marc Maron almost every day, hearing just interview after interview with comedians and each person’s story seems harsher than the last.
Take for instance Louis CK, probably the greatest active comic in America. I’m not going to go through a laundry list of what Louis CK has been through, but it’s just experiences in general; 22-year-old Louie couldn’t joke about marriage, divorce, kids, and so much more, without going through these experiences first. And most of it comes from pain.
We want people to make us laugh out of painful life experiences, because that’s when we most need a laugh. It’s your experiences that make you funny, not props based off of puns.
Nearly everyone has gone through a breakup so bad that it made you want to go into a coma until you were ready to move on. Nearly everyone has given a note to someone in class and had the note returned with “No” checked.
If you’re a comedian and you’re great looking, you’re actually going to have a harder time making it in the business than someone who is average looking. Not only do we not “buy” the fact that you’ve had hardships, but we resent you for trying to make us feel sorry for you. Hello Dane Cook.
That’s not to say that only certain people are funny or have a sense of humor. It’s just that some of us have humor as our “thing.” He’s the “funny guy” or she’s the “funny girl.” In the same way that you’ve got the “Brainiac,” “Jock,” or “Charmer.” Each skill in its own way is valuable, unique, and important, and together we will form an awesome high school super hero team.
Making people laugh, like any skill, comes through years of practice. Most people just don’t realize that they’re practicing.
I was definitely a class clown during my entire K-12 experience. As a kid who was nearly a foot taller than everyone else, and usually quite a bit wider, I had to do something to feel like I “fit in.” (Basically imagine Frankie “The Enforcer” in Boy Meets World.)
Poor Frankie would never be as cool as Shawn or Cory.
That meant that nearly every single day in class I was making jokes to the whole room, trying to get laughs. If it didn’t get a laugh, I probably cut that out. If it did, I knew I could roll with that in the future. Entirely subconsciously, I was learning humor. I was a nine-year-old kid working a room.
So now, at 28, how do I use that humor to my advantage?
Beyond just the fact that I am constantly having a laugh riot with my friends, or that I’m a writer still aspiring to break into comedy, a sense of humor can give me the edge I’m looking for when meeting new people, especially people of the opposite sex. It took a while, but I’ve finally learned slightly more about dating than “Boys have penises, girls have vaginas.”
That is to say, if the ladies online don’t bash their computer screens in with torches after they look at my pictures, how can I keep them interested with my profile? Without lying and posting at the top: “I’m actually Ryan Gosling researching a role as an average-looking guy who is looking for dates on OkCupid.” I’ll have to show them my sense of humor.
If they dig it, they dig. If they don’t then our not meeting is for the best. Because I don’t honestly believe that people can get along romantically or in any kind of relationship, if they don’t laugh at the same shit. It’s the very fiber of human connection.
Tell me when you’ve ever had a bad time with a person that made you laugh all the time? I once had my legs broken by a Ringling Bros clown, but even that was somewhat fun. It’s almost foolproof you fool.
So here goes my risky adventure of showing you my OkCupid profile:
Step 1, You’re like a dream come true. (If you find my username funny and interesting.)
Now I hit you at the very top with my explanation of why I have this silly name:
This may or may not be funny to you, but to me, it’s absolutely amazing. What kind of a ridiculous suggestion is LASTILICIOUS? The sad news is that somebody out there probably once named their baby Lastilicious, but unfortunately I am not that somebody. However, I can always do the second best thing and name my dating profile after that. Thanks OkCupid!
Step 2, Just wanna be with you. (By throwing in little jokes throughout.)
It’s important to find out if you share a similar sense of humor with a person and not being afraid of saying something that WON’T make them laugh. If they don’t laugh, then it wasn’t meant to be. Never be worried to say something stupid about yourself, be worried about saying nothing about yourself at all.
I think this joke says a lot about me: It has a false sense of bravado like a Will Ferrell character, which I love. It shows that I not only listen to top 40 music sometimes, but I like to make fun of it. It shows that I find mainstream rap often ridiculous (albeit fun with a good beat) and I like to take the words and make them my own. Which is quite true. In my shower, I just went triple platinum.
Step 3, Girl it’s plain to see, that you’re the only one for me. (If you like not only the content of my character, but laugh while learning about me.)
I never like to explain anything in its simplest terms. I don’t like to take the easy way when talking about anything. I am a sportswriter (in addition to my paying job. Yay blogs!) but I would kill myself if I had to write about sports without any personality by working for some mainstream website like ESPN. I am completely incapable of writing about sports without perhaps making a reference to Boner in Growing Pains, if what I want to do is make a reference to Boner in Growing Pains. I’ll find a way to make it relate to the Patriots game, trust me.
There’s no reason you can’t do that when talking about yourself. If I’m doing my job, then I’ve taught you about myself, while also making you laugh.
The second thing says a lot about me: I don’t read a lot of books and I’m a writer who is working on one. It’s ironic, it tells you I’m a writer, it shows I’m unafraid to come off as stupid just because I’m not a book learner. I think I have shown enough about myself to show that I’m not stupid throughout the rest of my profile, and if you did think I was stupid, then you’ve seen right through me =(
Step 4, Repeat steps 1 through 3
I will update my profile from time to time with different jokes or tidbits about myself, but have really calmed down on changing too much. I have noticed that when you change something, it may pop up on the main page for other users (Jen probably knows more specifics about this) and that’s never a bad thing.
Some of the categories on your profile are probably unnecessary enough that I could always change the content to a new joke I think of and boom, maybe the next person that reads it is your soul mate. I’ve stopped messing with things like “Favorite Movies” because I am sick and tired of choosing between my kids. I will always choose the kid that does the best job of bringing daddy a beer and not complaining about it. So I just threw up some random likes in all of those categories.
But “I spend a lot of time thinking about” and “On a typical Friday night I am”, are fair game:
So if someone has gone this far and is still interested, then I guess it’s onto the next step. Then all it takes is to make them laugh in person, and good-god-that’s-a-lot-harder-to-do-oh-no-I’m-screwed! (Suggestion: borrow Whitney’s laugh track for any first date!)
If it doesn’t work out then it’s quite simple:
If ever I believe my work is done, then I start it back at one.
To wrap this up, this is how I choose to show myself and I would never say that there’s one blanket way to show who you are, as long as you do show who you are. There’s not one perfect profile, but there’s always a perfect profile for you.
Here is the perfect profile for Joey Gladstone:
WOODCHUCKLOVER
Comedian looking for love in online places! I like long walks on the Golden Gate Bridge, puppets, and running down grass hills.
What I’m doing with my life
Besides “Cutting it Out,” I’m a radio DJ that lives in my best friend’s basement while I pursue a comedy career. I LOVE kids.
I’m really good at
Babysitting, impressions, hockey, introducing America’s Funniest People.
The first things people usually notice about me
My crazy Hawaiian shirts, my sweet mullet
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
101 Wacky Jokes
Any Looney Tunes movies, The Wizard of Oz
Wake Up San Francisco! I was also once in a TV show with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funny-Jello
I love Alanis Morissette and Jessie and the Rippers!
I love all kinds of food but especially WOOD!
The six things I could never do without
Jessie, Danny, Michelle, DJ, Stephanie, and Becky! Oh, and my full-size creepy hockey mannequin!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Changing diapers, helping with science projects, Bugs Bunny, and sleepovers. But I never ever think about getting a real job, moving out of the basement, or finding true love. Come and get some girls!
On a typical Friday night I am
Hanging out with girls ages 3-14.
I’m looking for
• Girls who like guys without a life
• Ages 3-14
• Near me
• Who are single with three daughters
• For long-term dating, short-term dating, or just coming to my stand-up. Please somebody come to my stand-up!
You should message me if
You have absolutely no life. You’re not looking for anyone serious. You like to play tea party. You need help raising your kids. You’ve got an open basement. You’re not Kimmy Gibbler.
That meant that nearly every single day in class I was making jokes to the whole room, trying to get laughs. If it didn’t get a laugh, I probably cut that out. If it did, I knew I could roll with that in the future. Entirely subconsciously, I was learning humor. I was a nine-year-old kid working a room.
So now, at 28, how do I use that humor to my advantage?
Beyond just the fact that I am constantly having a laugh riot with my friends, or that I’m a writer still aspiring to break into comedy, a sense of humor can give me the edge I’m looking for when meeting new people, especially people of the opposite sex. It took a while, but I’ve finally learned slightly more about dating than “Boys have penises, girls have vaginas.”
That is to say, if the ladies online don’t bash their computer screens in with torches after they look at my pictures, how can I keep them interested with my profile? Without lying and posting at the top: “I’m actually Ryan Gosling researching a role as an average-looking guy who is looking for dates on OkCupid.” I’ll have to show them my sense of humor.
If they dig it, they dig. If they don’t then our not meeting is for the best. Because I don’t honestly believe that people can get along romantically or in any kind of relationship, if they don’t laugh at the same shit. It’s the very fiber of human connection.
Tell me when you’ve ever had a bad time with a person that made you laugh all the time? I once had my legs broken by a Ringling Bros clown, but even that was somewhat fun. It’s almost foolproof you fool.
So here goes my risky adventure of showing you my OkCupid profile:
Step 1, You’re like a dream come true. (If you find my username funny and interesting.)
Now I hit you at the very top with my explanation of why I have this silly name:
an>
This may or may not be funny to you, but to me, it’s absolutely amazing. What kind of a ridiculous suggestion is LASTILICIOUS? The sad news is that somebody out there probably once named their baby Lastilicious, but unfortunately I am not that somebody. However, I can always do the second best thing and name my dating profile after that. Thanks OkCupid!
Step 2, Just wanna be with you. (By throwing in little jokes throughout.)
It’s important to find out if you share a similar sense of humor with a person and not being afraid of saying something that WON’T make them laugh. If they don’t laugh, then it wasn’t meant to be. Never be worried to say something stupid about yourself, be worried about saying nothing about yourself at all.
I think this joke says a lot about me: It has a false sense of bravado like a Will Ferrell character, which I love. It shows that I not only listen to top 40 music sometimes, but I like to make fun of it. It shows that I find mainstream rap often ridiculous (albeit fun with a good beat) and I like to take the words and make them my own. Which is quite true. In my shower, I just went triple platinum.
Step 3, Girl it’s plain to see, that you’re the only one for me. (If you like not only the content of my character, but laugh while learning about me.)
I never like to explain anything in its simplest terms. I don’t like to take the easy way when talking about anything. I am a sportswriter (in addition to my paying job. Yay blogs!) but I would kill myself if I had to write about sports without any personality by working for some mainstream website like ESPN. I am completely incapable of writing about sports without perhaps making a reference to Boner in Growing Pains, if what I want to do is make a reference to Boner in Growing Pains. I’ll find a way to make it relate to the Patriots game, trust me.
There’s no reason you can’t do that when talking about yourself. If I’m doing my job, then I’ve taught you about myself, while also making you laugh.
The second thing says a lot about me: I don’t read a lot of books and I’m a writer who is working on one. It’s ironic, it tells you I’m a writer, it shows I’m unafraid to come off as stupid just because I’m not a book learner. I think I have shown enough about myself to show that I’m not stupid throughout the rest of my profile, and if you did think I was stupid, then you’ve seen right through me =(
Step 4, Repeat steps 1 through 3
I will update my profile from time to time with different jokes or tidbits about myself, but have really calmed down on changing too much. I have noticed that when you change something, it may pop up on the main page for other users (Jen probably knows more specifics about this) and that’s never a bad thing.
Some of the categories on your profile are probably unnecessary enough that I could always change the content to a new joke I think of and boom, maybe the next person that reads it is your soul mate. I’ve stopped messing with things like “Favorite Movies” because I am sick and tired of choosing between my kids. I will always choose the kid that does the best job of bringing daddy a beer and not complaining about it. So I just threw up some random likes in all of those categories.
But “I spend a lot of time thinking about” and “On a typical Friday night I am”, are fair game:
So if someone has gone this far and is still interested, then I guess it’s onto the next step. Then all it takes is to make them laugh in person, and good-god-that’s-a-lot-harder-to-do-oh-no-I’m-screwed! (Suggestion: borrow Whitney’s laugh track for any first date!)
If it doesn’t work out then it’s quite simple:
If ever I believe my work is done, then I start it back at one.
To wrap this up, this is how I choose to show myself and I would never say that there’s one blanket way to show who you are, as long as you do show who you are. There’s not one perfect profile, but there’s always a perfect profile for you.
Here is the perfect profile for Joey Gladstone:
WOODCHUCKLOVER
Comedian looking for love in online places! I like long walks on the Golden Gate Bridge, puppets, and running down grass hills.
What I’m doing with my life
Besides “Cutting it Out,” I’m a radio DJ that lives in my best friend’s basement while I pursue a comedy career. I LOVE kids.
I’m really good at
Babysitting, impressions, hockey, introducing America’s Funniest People.
The first things people usually notice about me
My crazy Hawaiian shirts, my sweet mullet
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
101 Wacky Jokes
Any Looney Tunes movies, The Wizard of Oz
Wake Up San Francisco! I was also once in a TV show with Frankie Avalon and Annette Funny-Jello
I love Alanis Morissette and Jessie and the Rippers!
I love all kinds of food but especially WOOD!
The six things I could never do without
Jessie, Danny, Michelle, DJ, Stephanie, and Becky! Oh, and my full-size creepy hockey mannequin!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Changing diapers, helping with science projects, Bugs Bunny, and sleepovers. But I never ever think about getting a real job, moving out of the basement, or finding true love. Come and get some girls!
On a typical Friday night I am
Hanging out with girls ages 3-14.
I’m looking for
• Girls who like guys without a life
• Ages 3-14
• Near me
• Who are single with three daughters
• For long-term dating, short-term dating, or just coming to my stand-up. Please somebody come to my stand-up!
You should message me if
You have absolutely no life. You’re not looking for anyone serious. You like to play tea party. You need help raising your kids. You’ve got an open basement. You’re not Kimmy Gibbler.
#thatisall
Want some more from Kenny? Follow him on twitter over yonder!