#NerdsUnite: Confessions of an Unwed Bride

<editorsnote>  Julie Wilson recently endured an agonizing break up with her fiancé after being together for 8 years. She is now in her late 20s and confused about what to do next. These are some of her frustrations, and ways she is attempting to heal from her loss. </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Julie Wilson

Challenge: 36 hours alone

If you're thinking that this doesn't seem to be much of a challenge, well, maybe you are lucky enough to have never gotten so attached to someone that when they exited your life you felt completely lost. It's overwhelming to then have that person infect every second of your thoughts. Then, try and sit still. I haven't really sat still in almost a year. Some weeks I have gone out every night of the week. Before that, when I was in a relationship, I stayed in almost every night of the week. Jen is out of town this weekend for her date with @StevenBWard, so I have the place to myself. Perfect time to present myself with another challenge (the 1st being that I went on my first date in 8 years on Sunday!). Sitting still now drives me completely crazy, I always feel that I need to keep movin', keep shakin'!

Friday night after work I found myself feeling exhausted. Yes, Jen and I did go out the night before, but didn't even party hard. I think I'm gonna stay in and conk out before midnight. Here's where I start my challenge: stay in, don't hang out with anyone, slow down and take some time to relax and be with myself.

October 21, 2011, 10:30pm - Start texting with a friend from high school, my closest male friend Pablo. He just got out of a 5 year relationship. He wants to start dating but since there is actually hope of them getting back together, doesn't want to hurt her feelings by dating a friend or anyone where it will get back to her. I suggest OKCupid to him and open it up on my phone.

11:05pm - For whatever stupid reason, I search for my ex on okc, knowing that he uses the same username for everything. And I find him. FML!

11:12pm - Well, I'm awake now so I call Pablo.

3:00am - Hang up with Pablo (which for him is 6 in the morning!).

October 22,2011, 11:00am - Wake up, instantly start stalking on facebook, trying to figure out if my ex did in fact travel to Florida for a wedding or not (I'm suspicious he doesn't want to let my see our dog anymore and if he is in Florida and didn't let me watch the dog I'm going to be very upset). Results are inconclusive. I start to feel like I am going to be very depressed today and then decide that I do not want to go down that path. I let myself feel these sad feeling and then push them away. This is like what you learn in meditating, you will never not have thoughts, you have to acknowledge them and move on.

11:30am - Spend time on OKC trying to land a 2nd date for my 30 day challenge. Get frustrated.

12:15pm - Go to yoga, which kicks off my Saturday ritual. Good chance to recenter for the week.

2:00pm - Stop by Subway after yoga and get my usual. I decide this is most definitely a day to get a chocolate chip cookie.

2:10pm -call another high school friend, who also just got out of a long term relationship, Beth, and talk to her about finding ex on OKC.

2:27pm - Begin my post yoga tradition: eat sub, jam out (James Morrison "Wonderful World"), smoke pot, and watch Parenthood.

3:45pm - Hear a song that is now my theme song: Laura Jensen "Single Girls". I can't even believe how much this one song encapsulates my life in the past 7 months.

4:00pm - I think about going to visit my neighbor and then remember what I am trying to accomplish today.

4:05pm - Smoke more pot. Eat my subway chocolate chip cookie.

4:08pm - Back on OKC. Have to write someone back. Don't want to. Augustana's "I Still Ain't Over You" plays in the background as a write this dude back who's profile I looked at earlier today.

4:35pm - Doing some yoga arm balances. Remember I was totes in the middle of writing this post. Whoops.

4:53pm - Go get the mail. Something for Jen and something for my ex. Poo.

5:03pm - Dance around house. Practice ballroom dance steps. Relive days when part of a swing dance troupe.

5:05pm - Watch The Secret Circle.

6:03pm - Call yet another friend from high school and catch up, discuss her upcoming wedding. Watch sun set from my kitchen window.

7:31pm - Call Mom back, talk about ex.

7:47pm - Realize how late it is and that I need to procure some food before it gets even later.

8:22pm - Look up and see that I've spent a half hour on OKC. I'm really trying here, but I just don't really dig this whole online dating thing.

8:45pm - Pick up food, come home and watch Jersey Shore while eating.

9:20pm - Pause show and start thinking about my ex. I have a lot of day dreams that start with "I wish I could go back to a year ago today". There are literally only days left where I can even think that. I found out about everything on Halloween night. I don't even care that things weren't even that amazing a year ago. I just wish I could go back in time and give my ex the biggest squeeze and just hold him tight. Not even to try and change anything, just because at the time I could do that and it wouldn't be all weird like it would be now.

9:50pm - Decide I can't do this to myself and that I need a greater distraction than TV to keep my mind off of him.

10:00pm - Wander around the house for a bit, end up back on the couch, and close the night with 2 hours of TV.

October 23, 2011, 11:11am - Holy crap, I slept this late? Sunday mornings have yet to get easier for me. You never get used to waking up alone it seems.

11:30am - Make coffee, finally put away the dishes that Jen washed.

12:00pm - TV, internet, and coffee....yeah for Sunday mornings...err afternoons.

1:10pm - Eat lunch followed by a tangerine. Check out Nothing Rhymes with Orange on facebook. Giggle.

1:30pm - 10 minute meditation. Need help so I burn incense, put on some music and light a candle to look at in case I want to open my eyes.

1:45pm - Shower.

2:30pm - Get dressed because in three hours I will be going to a concert!!!

3:30pm - Start Phase II of getting my room in order (phase I was me building a bookshelf and putting all of my books out of boxes and onto the shelves), which involves going through a large box of clothes that I haven't even looked at in over a year. This project should take me right up to 5:30 when @christinadeleon gets here to go to the concert with me.

I did it! I think it was important for me to take some me time, slow down, get a lot of sleep and just have fun doing nothing. I feel relaxed and I got the DVR down from 89%.

#nerdsunite

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