James' News Years Resolution ... it's the 12th but better late than never!
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @JfuckingC
This handy lil list shoulda been written and posted at least 13 days ago but alas, I sometimes find myself both very lazy and/or very drunk. Both of those things are awful qualities for someone wanting to write about making themselves better this year, but with no more excuses in my path I figure i better make with the resolving!
- Get Back in Shape - Resolving to "lose weight" hilariously understates the scope of the issue, considering the massive amount of hard work and lifestyle changes that are typically required to have any effect. It's not like i'm fat or anything, but going from working out at least twice a day and jogging in the desert sun to sitting around Manhattan barstools pounding tallboys (lite beer!) wasn't the best thing for my wash board stomach. I'll be back to "steal your girl" shape in no time.
- Replace My Stolen Video Games - Would this be considered a resolution or an investment against me getting back into shape? Regardless a James NOT playing video games is like any other man NOT masturbating, it leads to a very irritable unfriendly husk of a man.
- My Zelda Half Sleeve - The time for more tattoos is THIS YEAR! The plan was always to add a Legend of Zelda half sleeve to my right arm (because Metroid would be TOO nerdy), so i'm thinkin the triforce, and some characters battling. Super baller, I know.
- Family - Here's a shocker, this is to spend LESS time with my family. I'm notorious for ruining family holidays and functions due in part to me speaking the truth or drinking mind numbing amounts of alcohol and THEN speaking the truth. Fact: I only attended Christmas this year 'cause a lil cousin guilted me into going by saying "he really misses cousin James and wishes there'd be a guy there to play with him this holiday." Apparently this lil shit has been reading my book on How To Lie to People...
- Negative Habits (cough cough/hint hint) - A few years ago I resolved to start smoking MORE pot, and then quit altogether. This year i've taken a step back, looked inward, and decided to stay the course on all substance abuse. As I tweeted once "When I don't do the wrong thing people are disappointed."
- Paint a New Beer Pong Table - Well, I could paint anything really, but why not make a masterpiece out of something that everyone enjoys. Maybe build a sick drinking apparatus while i'm at it....
- Career - "IS THERE A JOB OUT THERE THAT WILL PAY ME DECENT AND MAKE ME NOT WANNA KILL MY COWORKERS?!?!" screams the dust in the universe.
- Dating - A few years ago I also wrote that I should consider going on more dates, maybe even CONSIDER getting a girlfriend, but that's total horseshit. Stay the course James Leslie... Though the one socially responsible thing I have been practicing for my own sanity is just weeding crazy bitches out of my life, for good. I've been going with the "One Strike and You're Fucking Dead To Me" approach, very Texan I know, but it's the only thing that states got goin for it.
See you in 2012!