#TrueStory: It wasn't love, just sex.

Sep 7

Okayyyyy ... I have to come clean about something that's been bugging me for a bit. I wasn't sure how to approach it, so I might as well just lay all the cards on the table - trusting that honesty will set you free.

A few months back, I was dating this el duderino - super cool, whatevs, called it off ... and was actually in the middle of conducting my OkCupid experiment ... so rebounding, was pretty damn easy. I went out on a date with this nerd, and had a bitchin time. He's in the public eye in his own right, so he didn't get all fanboyish - just shot the shit, kept me on my toes, and totally kept it real. So rad - total turn on. First date, we had some hot and heavy petting (translation: first base, and stole second). Second date, we just hung out and grabbed coffee - light kiss on the cheek ... called it a day.

A few days passed, my work schedule didn't let up ... and in came his birthday. I have radar for that sort of thing, I always end up dating a dude around his birthday. I had a meeting that night, so I couldn't go to his party - but low and behold at 2am my phone rang. HE TOTALLY BOOTY CALLED ME BEFORE THE THIRD DATE!!!!! Now, you have to understand all that lead up to this. 1. I had just gotten out of a thing with someone. 2. I am a horny, horny chick - me & sex go together like peas and carrots. When I don't have sex on a regular basis, I am not a happy camper. 3. We had two awesome dates, and the guy is smokin hot. So, of course I told him to come over. I opened the door to the condo, and the dude WREEECCKKKEEDDDD of alcohol. Like literally, I don't even know how he was standing. It just ... eckkkkk ... either way, I took advantage of him and totally jumped his bones. It wasn't earth shattering, but certainly better than sitting at my computer testing some of my marketing theories. Yes, that's right dude - I said sex with you was better than sitting in a dark room lit only by the glow of my macbook pro at 2am with infomercials blaring in the background. Not so good ...

He woke up the next morning and was all "omg, I'm going to throw up." Yeah, I cannot imagine anything less sexy. Given, I have totally been in those shoes - but I was 21. I feel like when you get past your 20s and you're still pulling that shit, there might be a problem. He left, and a few days went by before I got another call at 2am. He was like, what are you doing asleep? I said, I wasn't asleep - I was at a strip club with 3 of my friends. (Side note: We were walking back from Happy Endings - my fav LA bar, pretty toasty, and these dudes came up to us and asked if we wanted to hang out with them at the Seventh Veil. I was all, sure thing! Pay for our tickets. They obliged, and away we went ...) So yeah ... back to the dude - he called me RIGHT then. I invited him to come hang with us, which of course he did ... what dude wouldn't when you hear the chick you're with is at a strip club. Between the alcohol and the sexual stimulation from the booby club, my engines were perfectly revved, and uh - yeah.

That night, he had really opened up to me. Saying how he was looking for a "good girl" and all that snazzy jazzy stuff. Not that I'd EVER consider myself a good girl, but looks can be deceiving. He was really sweet, but he was totally confusing sex with intimacy. Fact: I wanted to jump your bones, so I did. I see what I want, and I break situations down to figure out how to get it. There was an obvious mutual attraction, so this was a no brainer. This guy has since proceeded to call/ text/ and whatever me a few times a week since the last time I saw him. I kinda feel bad. We only had sex twice, but he calls me at all hours of the day and night asking to hang out. He drinks WAYYYY too much for my taste, and honestly, that is one thing that is a deal breaker for me. Being blackout drunk isn't sexy - and I used you for sex. I am really sorry that this is sounding as brutal as it is - but I can't help it. You were super smart, and super hot ... but chicks have needs too. You can't turn a booty call into a relationship, and I have a feeling that is what this dude was looking for.

Fact: Every guy I have actually ended up ever dating, I was friends with first. Super lame, I know ... but I always end up dating my guy friends. I don't know why, but if I'm "looking for a relationship" it is the last thing that I get. Hence why I say on my OKCupid profile, I am NOT looking for a relationship. That was intentional. Don't picture me in a white dress ... although here, this is what I look like in one ...

Okay, GREAT! Dating a nerdy chick is all about the mental stimulation. I very literally do not have a type. If you analyze the guys I have dated over the years, not a SINGLE one of them looks alike, because their attractiveness wasn't visual. Looks fade, and frankly - the hotter you are commercially speaking, the more insecure you tend to be, since your value in life is placed solely on your looks.

So yeah, just be smart, stop getting piss drunk which kills brain cells, and if a nerdy chick jumps your bones before you've actually gotten to know her, there's a chance she's just using you for sex.