#PlayboyMansion: The Real Deal

Sep 16

AHH!! So, so, excited! Just checked my old, old, old, email and saw I got my invite for the Playboy Halloween Party!! W00t! W00t!! (Side note: It is on the 30th, don't worry, we're still on for the #NerdHerd on the 31st.)
Every time I post something about it, or post pics, I get nothing but really tight cheeked people inserting their own prejudgices and judgements on Playboy in general, and it really miffs my muffin. For reals, this is hands down one of my favorite places to be - and not for the obvious reasons ... but this place, is like my little home away from home. I've been going to the mansion since '05 ... and let me break the real deal down for you versus the fantasy Playboy likes to portray.

Chels, Meg, and Me in the grotto 2005Playboy rents out the mansion to various parties throughout the year. The first party I went to in 2005, was some weird porn party. I got invited by a friend who is a party promoter here in LA, and it was super weird and sketchy ... BUUUTTT it was my first time at the mansion. So, I was little excited! They picked us up in a shuttle (as you can't drive on to the mansion) at a church in westwood of all places ... and they checked our IDs before boarding the bus. The mansion offers free food and drinks, but they're pretty strict on making sure everyone is of age. Fortunately, I was a month or so away from turning 21, but totally had a fake ID. Note to underagers: Make sure you put your name on the list for your fake ID name, not your real one ... or uh, you're screwed. My friend Amanda ... was screwed. She put her real name down. We totally had this movie moment though of, OMG! You go!! You're never going to get a chance like this again. I asked her if she really meant it? She said of course, so away I went. Alone. On a shuttle bus ... going to the Playboy Mansion. I boarded the bus, and struck up a conversation with the two girls that got on after me. They were talking about how they spent the day at the Price is Right the day before. I told them that I had just won a bunch of stuff from The Price is right. Then we totally became new BFFs!! These chicks were so rad ... and I am still really good friends with them to this day.

Classy broads ... come on, you'd do it too!!

While I was at that party, I started talking to the head of Hef's security (he goes by Hef, not Hugh) ... and he was a very super cool human being, and told me I can come back anytime. He got my info, and low and behold - I actually got another invite.

Playboy is one of these places where once you're in ... you're in. As long as you're not a super big idiot, you're in for the life of your hotness.

I don't honestly remember the next party I went to ... but a little bit later, after an epic break up ... I wound up again at the mansion. Yep, I have licked my wounds twice after epic break ups at the mansion ... Is there really a better place to feel validated??

I took this outfit from my personal collection of the guy I broke up with. Um yeah ...

This time however, my friends couldn't make it to the party. SOOO!! I had to go alone. Again. Thankfully, I make friends fast.

That girl second from the right is Erin. She gave me her bunny ears ...I am still programmed in many a dudes phones as "Jen Bunny Ears"

The rad thing about the mansion though, is that everyone there is hot. Literally - every chick that goes there is a 9 or 10 on someone's scale. And as superficial as it may seem, it creates this even playing field where EVERYONE GETS ALONG!!! The chicks are all so oddly complimentary. You can't go into the bathroom without watching one feel up another (in an oddly non-sexual way) commenting on how nice her boob job is. No cattyness, no hair pulling ... sorry guys ... just EVERYONE having an AWESOME TIME!!!!

Then the following year ... went alone again, and wound up sitting next to a chick who's not only from my hometown of West Hartford, CT! BUTTTTT I was in the same grade as her cousin ... meet Mila:

I'm totally sucking it in.

We also met Joey from NSYNC that night ...

But I have to admit, the Halloween parties are my FAVORITEEEE!! As Halloween is ALSO my favorite holiday!!! Here are some from when I went as Naughty Minnie ...

This is the matress room. There has been a lot of sex on this floor ... ewe

I went that year with Jessie! A chick I met off of Facebook. And here we are with Hef's personal secretary, MARY!

These parties are just SO much fun!! If you're a dude, and you want to go - be prepared to fork over about a grand. You can contact these people: http://kandyhalloween.com

As far as the sex goes, I have yet to see anyone physically hanging from chandeliers, but it does come pretty close. I've never had sex at the mansion, but last year - after a really really really rad break up, I def got down to just my bottoms and jumped in the grotto pool, and totally made out hardcore with a friend of mine. So yeah, anything is possible.

I have to say this in closing, the guys at the mansion are ALWAYS on their best behavior. I think because they realize this is the holy grail of awesomeness ... they don't really bother you. It's like when you go to a gay bar with your gfs dancing. You just want to be free and have fun without hearing "how you doin" every 20 seconds. There is a TON of security there, and since everyone is hot ... you don't have to apologize for getting next to naked.

This year, I am going to livestream part of my trip. It's intentionally very foggy there, so I don't know how the quality of the feed will be. But I'll also be equipped with my AOL FlipCam, and lots of pics. SO yeah!! Tune in October 30 for the adventure ... and I'll post more details as we get closer to the date. =)