#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick
Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.
#nowplaying: Trust- Eric James & The New Century
*waves* Hello again from the Corner Bakery!! Goodness gracious I get SOO much more work done when I am at coffee shops. I just lose too much track of time when I am at any sort of home base. Super grateful too that again, @maniacalmorgan works for Coffee Bean - so before each work session I get free coffee. HAHA!! I will die milking the system as much as I can, man. Loves it. Dude, I have sooooo much SEO work to do today. I'm gonna fly being this caffeinated. BAHHH!!
Crazy time ... I got the breakdown last night for the lead in the "Talk Nerdy To Me, Lover" pilot. My life rights are tied into it - so I was asked some pretty personal questions before things began and it just got me thinking that it never occurred to me that none of this was normal.
I've never fit in ... anywhere. I was too cute to be a nerd, and too nerdy to be cute. I say that of course as humbly as possible, but incredibly incredibly matter of fact - that as a model, I couldn't have a brain. Kicked ass in sales, but never felt fully satisfied with anything I was doing because I was too young to succeed at something like that so quickly. I know right, *worlds tiniest violin* but it's so true that you can only be so attractive and so smart to succeed in a "normal" environment. Having this super trippy story was prolly the only way I was every going to find personal satisfaction. Which is just such a trip ... Hindsight is always 20/20. It just cut out so much of the bullshit and got things done SOOOO quickly. In LA everyone talks up a big game about, ohhh I can help you with this acting gig, or you know, you need to meet this agent he can do this. I don't have an agency, or a manager - I just have lawyers. That just doesn't happen ... but maybe with social media this is the NEW story ... this is the NEW way to get things done ... just do it yourself! I wasn't waiting for someone to call someone, or for someone to discover me ... I tweeted!!! So nuts ... so so nuts. Seeing it on paper as a character breakdown is even nuttier!!!
Oh la la ... and I'm wearing my sexy boots today. Back when I donated everything, these shoes were stuck under my seat ... so I inadvertently kept them. Super grateful now, cause today I feel sexxyyyyyyy!! RAWRRRR!!
HA! So much of the last year was removing the vanity. I had to figure out who I was aside from the looks department. Dude, I have been a scrubby motherfucker for an entire year. For reals ... for a chick that received so much validation on looks - that was a shift in consciousness. However, super super super grateful for it. I was just always so in my head wondering what other people were thinking about me and yada yada. It was horrible. Dude, being of a certain attractiveness is an INCRREEDDIIBBLLYYYY lonely existence. For reals ... guys I've dated over the years have always said the same thing, "I thought you were out of my league." No wonder why I dated douchey guys, they were the only ones that ever approached me!! Spending the last year wearing the weirdest clothing, almost no makeup taught me so much. Oddly enough the more that I recognized that my awesome was organic, and the less I even cared about my looks at all - the MORE dates I got. I swear to you, I have never been asked out more in my entire life. Every day I get asked out. It's incredible. I'm APPROACHABLE!!! THANKKKK GOOODDDDD!!!!
Speaking of dating, I totally asked a boy out on Facebook the other day and am taking him to this event tonight. Super exciteddddd!! It's actually a big deal. Variety is throwing this shindig downtown with all these comedians ... I'm really excited. This is a boy I met IRL, not on OKC ... thought was cute, and asked out. Period end of sentence. I am sensing some serious growth with my intimacy issues. #SCORE!!!