#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick
Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.
#NowPlaying: Kanye West- Monster
Oh goodness gracious - actually feeling a bit sad today. Not like sad sad, but kinda meh. Had an AWEEESSOOMMMEEE date last night. Like for rizzles my nizzles it was the shinizzles majizzles. Went to the Griffith Park Observatory, saw the Valkyrie show at the planetarium - I mean incredible. Went to the @annieauto concert afterwards ... had such a blast it wasn't even funny.
It just kinda got me wondering all day if I could ever date someone. I've been back in LA for what, 48 hours? And in 12 hours I'm already leaving again. When I get back, I'll be in the valley for a day which will be spent packing, and then I'm heading to Hollywood where I'll be for 48 hours before I have to head to Vegas. This is my life. I chose it, very very very deliberately. I LOVVEEEE what I do, I just wonder how someone could even possibly keep up with that? Relationships in any capacity take work - my work is to live life. A big part of me wonders if this is a defense mechanism for not wanting to get close to someone ... but I really just don't think so. I think that if that question even pops up in your brain then you're prolly pretty kosher for passover.
I'm just at best intolerant. I know what I want and I have no problem getting off my ass and getting it. That goes with work, sponsors, guys - whatever.
I just find with guys, that I can't find that relatable factor in a shift of consciousness. What I did in the last year, completely messed with my head and opened up my mind. For reals, its insane how much social media made the intangible tangible for me. I am just becoming completely intolerant to guys who are my age, that have no life experience ... even older guys ... I just can't seem to find someone who has had a similar experience of having their mind opened so widely. I am always honored when I can be of service and talk to people about life issues, etc. I love that ... but in a partner I want someone that pushes me more than anything. Ask me if I've considered this, or that ... CHALLENGE MEEEEEEEE!!! This guy is so crazy stupid hot, and smart, and the total package ... but I feel like he might be too reserved for me. I can seriously sit there and discuss at great lengths the awesomeness that is a jelly bean ... or how totally rad the air feels on the back of my hand, and sit with it for a half an hour. It's alarmingly weird, but its my constant. I don't think I could handle someone too much like me, but while I also desire stability, I just don't know if that is going to be remotely possible for me right now.
If I were to even remotely consider dating someone right now, it would totally hands down be this dude ... but i just don't know how willing I am to sacrifice even an ounce of my energy in what I am doing with lifecasting. Dude, do you know how hard this shit is? I make it look easy ... but trust, shit ain't easy! I have to not only execute but write the manual at the same time, while oh yeah! contacting sponsors to sustain the existence of it all. It's stressful being homeless. No doubt about it, but I wouldn't change it for the world.
What to do ... what to do ...
#sigh
