Re: Total #Buzzkill
SOOO!! I just read @JenSquard's post ... before we continue, you can read it here. It's cool ... I'll just wait for you ... k ... ya back? COOL! Let's go on ...
@JenSquard and I come from entirely different backgrounds. Which honestly, is why I picked her to lifecast with me. I was raised in the Normal Rockwell burbs of good ol' Connecticut, with a sheltered existence, and doting parental units. Jen grew up in Colorado in circumstances she will relay to you all as she continues to lifecast - and yeah! We both ended up fucked up.
Let's just face facts here - we're all fucked up. Get over it. Life is about how you adapt to the cards you are dealt, and the attitude that pulls you through it all. Furthermore, I think "fucked up" is an entirely over used phrase. What does it really mean? I guess that depends on the color of the shades you're looking through, eh?
For reals, my parents did an awesome job of raising me. It was only my nagging curiosity of why things work the way that they do that I was born with that causes me all the problems.
Parents will never understand lifecasting. There's just no sugar coating that. My parents think I'm absolutely insane, and need to get a job. In a year, the tune hasn't changed. But I love 'em to death anyway!
I just had to keep asking myself, why do I seek this validation. I take tremendous pride in what I do, and that so many people have now come to check us out. That is all. If I take pride in what I do, and I am the one that I have to look at in the mirror everyday - I'm pretty kosher with it all.
Lifecasting requires BRUTAL honesty 24/7. It's not easy. I've disclosed incredibly personal information about myself for all of the web to see. From sex partners, to family issues, to even death ... its all been discussed. Shit ain't pretty, but it's real.
I am also consciously aware that I have nothing to lose. I don't have a hubby, or kids ... I'm single, and still mingling. Being this brutally honest with the world isn't easy. It's cost me a lot actually - I get the ANGRIEST emails from the guys I oust on OkCupid for their doucheyness. I've never been called a bitch to my face, but it is something I am prepared for if one of them finds me at a bar. I do what I do because I want to do it. That's it. The rest is sort of collateral damage. I know it's horrible to say these things so matter of fact, but its a shift in consciousness that allowed me to arrive at this place. I'm still trying to process every day what "this place" even is. Normally by the time I've processed it though, I've already moved on to yet another place in consciousness. It's a total trip. And it's been documented, which I just think is the gnarliest part about it.
So, Jen to answer your post, I can only reply with that I have no answers. I can only show the path. The mission is all your own should you choose to accept. The only two things I follow in life are "feels good" and "doesn't feel good." Lifecasting felt WAYYYYY too good to me!
Stay strong, and hold people in a place of unconditional love. You can't make them understand. You just have to let your own light shine. xoxo