#Randombling: That Nerdy Chick
Randombling: A 5 minute long unedited random stream of consciousness produced by a nerd for nerds.
#nowplaying: Girl Talk - Triple Double
Wow. I didn't think it was possible to cry while in a spirit hood, but alas - I was proven wrong.
Just got off the phone with the fam, and the family member who still doesn't want what they're going through public, had to have surgery today to put in this little thing that allows easy access to this other thing to make the thing all better. Get that? K ... cool.
It sucks a monkey's butt. I just kept saying, I feel like you are telling me the weather - which was incredibly true. This person doesn't sound "sick." They haven't adopted the "I'm sick and dying" mentality. Frankly, we are all dying ... so you're not special, just awesome. This person gets that. They kinda remind me of Buddha. "Life is suffering." This is just something that we all have to go through. Eventually people in our lives die. It sucks. Even people you're incredibly close to. And trust, by NO means is this person dying any more than I am, or that you are ... it was caught early enough, and a little lovin here and there is going to make it all better. Just so hard to process.
When I was 14, I sat with someone in my life through a series of things, and it scared me. Really badly. What this person had to go through was insane, and sitting in that room watching it all go down - will haunt me for the rest of my life. That being said, knowing that this person has to do it, is literally earth shattering to me. It immediately brings me back to be 14, and terribly scared and completely freaked out.
Wow, I am totally tearing up now even just recalling that. I don't think life is horrible, and life is cruel, and these things shouldn't happen. They do - so what, get over it. It just IS! You can't judge it, but holy fucking shit it is so hard to process. I'm so terrified when my family gets together next month that I am literally just going to burst into tears. Not that there would be anything wrong with that, as I spent many years as a blubbery mess ... but I just don't know how to process it. I'm like crazy stupid emotional right now. I've been crazy stupid emotional. BAHHH!!!
Fuck me in the goat ass.