#RealDeal: I didn’t know struggling with eye contact was an autistic trait

My journey to my autism diagnosis has been as hilarious as the rest of my life. It started with a Human Lie Detector (who was a crock of cracker in a barrel), sidestepped to a diagnosis of Synesthesia, and while my psychologist agreed with my self diagnosis of Autism, she was not qualified (I discovered) to do a “full assessment.”

I had no idea there were so many “hurdles” in getting diagnosed, and while there is nothing I can do to change that, what I can do is provide information on what I’ve learned.

Autistic Trait: We can have a hard time with eye contact.

(This is true for some autistic people, but not all.)

I’ve struggled with eye contact for as long as I can remember.

Eye contact feels very “intense” for lack of a better way of saying it.

I know it’s socially “what I’m supposed to do” but as someone (also with synesthesia) I take in a lot of information … all at the same time.

I have two modes in making eye contact:

1) I count how long I’ve been looking at someone while I’m talking to them. It came in handy being a dancer for my formative years because holding the count and moving my body at the same time came naturally to me.

2) I really want what I say to make an impact so I’m looking at you for emphasis. It doesn’t feel normal to me so part of my unmasking is embracing that more. It’s not that I’m “not looking at you,” it’s that my mind is so vividly active in experiencing what I’m thinking that it’s hard to say and do both. 😎😍🤟

Have a question about autism or synesthesia?

Feel free to creep into my DMs: @talknerdytomelover

… Or don’t be a creep, and be the lovely neurodivergent self you already are. 🙂