#NerdsUnite: How to Last Longer in Bed
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan; he's a dating coach. Wait, not like "a" dating coach ... lemme rephrase that, he is THE dating coach. He has a show on SiriusXM called "Game On" and he's a super smarty pants when it comes to examining social dynamics. No ... like for real. HIT IT JORDAN!!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's Jordan Harbinger
There are really only 3 basic things you need to know to completely rock a girl’s world in the bedroom
Let’s call them the “ABC’s Of Great Sex”:
A: ANATOMY (hers) – You need know the basics of her body. Know where her “magic buttons” are and how to touch them in the right ways. Understand her body and the way it responds to different types of stimulus. And, for extra credit, let’s include her brain. Knowing how to stimulate this part of her anatomy is the shortcut to giving her powerful orgasms.
B: BODY CONTROL (yours) – Great orgasms can come from your fingers, your tongue, and many other techniques… but great sex, especially great love-making, requires that you can control your erection. You need to be able to get hard when you want to, and you need to be able to last as long as you both want it to last.
C: CONNECTION – This is the part that most people mess up completely. It is the most powerful way to give her an unforgettable experience in bed (even if it is a one-night-stand… connection doesn’t mean that you’ve promised to love each other forever). And, of course, this is the part that I tend to talk about most in my writings…
But let’s talk “B” for a minute.
Here’s some quick facts for you:
While many studies have been done that show that the average Joe can last for 2.5 minutes… or somewhere around 7 minutes (the studies never agree)… the fact is, nobody knows how long average is, because there’s nothing like a stop-watch in the room to change everything about the way you would normally have sex.
But I’ll tell you this much– after years of giving advice on sexuality, I can tell you that it is the most common question that men ask me when looking for my advice.
And, not be cute or dodge the question, but I think if you take a mature look at the issue, it’s obvious that “long enough” is the amount of time it takes you both to be happy and satisfied. So, by definition, if you want to learn how to last longer then, obviously, you are not lasting long enough for your OWN satisfaction.
It’s also worth knowing, right now, that even if you have a severe problem with premature ejaculation, you CAN learn to last as long as you want. ANY man can learn total control over his ejaculation given some time, practice, and the right information.
You may have read about “kegel compressions”, the exercise developed by the gynecologist Dr. Ernst Kegel, and, YES, they are very important in learning to control your ejaculation. However, many articles posted all over the internet will tell you that when your PC muscles are strong enough from doing thousands of kegels, you can just squeeze them to prevent ejaculation, and your problem will be solved.
Untrue.
At least it’s untrue if you want to have good sex. Because, seriously, you can’t expect to have good sex if you have to stop every 30 seconds and squeeze your guts out until the veins are throbbing in your head trying not to ejaculate.
But kegels are important, and strengthening your PC muscles will increase your ability to last longer all by itself. Further, if you want to take this all the way and learn the ability to have “male multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms” as I describe in my Command & Control program, then kegels are a very important part of learning the “muscular intelligence” and building the neural pathways that allow that to happen.
Ultimately, the way to control ejaculation is not by getting big, powerful PC muscles… it is by learning to control the excitement level in your BRAIN.
I talk about dozens of techniques for lasting longer in my writings, but for the PU Podcast Blog I want to talk about an idea that is more advanced… and if you can “get it”, it is miles more powerful than just about anything else you are likely to ever read on the subject.
Instead of kegels, I advise you to start practicing meditation or pranayama (yoga breathing exercises), so that you can strengthen your brain… not your PC muscles. That is the best preparation for what I’m going to teach you here today.
Let’s start with something that you already know is true:
When you are in a competitive game, whether it’s ping-pong or boxing, when you are mentally “on your game” and you are confident that you are going to win, you usually dominate the other guy easily…
Likewise, when you are in a negative or weak mental state, when you feel intimidated by your competition, you are pretty much guaranteed to get destroyed. Here’s the punch line: lasting longer during sex works exactly the same way. I’m not just giving you a pep talk here. I have done piles of research on this and counseled hundreds of men on this issue. (My success rate, by the way, is staggering… far beyond any study that I have ever read about). The vast majority of men who say to me, “I can’t last long enough in bed to please my partner,” only have that problem because they BELIEVE that they get overly excited and can’t control themselves during intercourse.
Read: They don’t have this problem during masturbation, and usually don’t have any issues during oral sex either.
Nope, it’s only when it’s “game on” and they have a sense that could “lose” or “fail” by ejaculating before giving their girlfriend an orgasm…
In other words, they are caving under pressure.
Ouch.
But if you’ve spent any time at all practicing a sport, you know that if you put in the effort, you can get that competitive edge back… (cue Rocky Music… no, make it Rocky II, the cheesy “Eye Of The Tiger” song)…
Or, if you are the cerebral type, consider this an NLP reframing exercise. Either way, we’re talking about the same thing.
You need to understand that you can control the emotional state in which you experience sex.
You will fail if you get into bed in a weak frame of mind: “oh no, I’m so nervous, what if I come too soon again, she’s going to be disappointed, she’s going to leave me… I need to control myself, control myself, control my… oops.”
Take a deep breath. I’m going to say something difficult to hear: There is ZERO reason for this to happen. You CAN stop that nervous internal dialog.
If instead you were thinking something like…
“I’m about to rock this little girl’s mind…”
Or, “I love this woman, I feel so much tenderness just looking at her…”
Or, “this is fun… I love touching her…”
Get the idea? I mean, rationally now… don’t those things sound like what you SHOULD be thinking?
There are many ways you can learn to swap out your negative thoughts for a more positive model. There are NLP exercises, hypnosis, raw will power, and many others…
I recommend doing something easy: “Fake it ’til you make it.”
If you’ve ever taken an acting class this should be easy for you… if not, just try to remember what it was like when you were playing “pretend” as a kid and you were the cop… or the robber… (or the Dungeon Master, you big geek).
Same process. What I’m about to say might sound a bit undignified, but there’s no reason that she’ll ever find out:
When you are making love to her, pretend to be someone else.
Someone heroic from a movie or a book, someone who can last all night. You know, James Bond or something. Invest yourself in this identity. Move the way that guy moves, touch her the way that guy would touch a woman…
Once you succeed (and you will if you give this a try), you can ditch the fictional character and just KEEP HIS CONFIDENCE.
I think it is worth repeating at this point: If you have trouble lasting as long as you want to… THIS WORKS.
And this statement is built on thousands of hours of research: As nutty as it may sound, you will only be a premature ejaculator for as long as you think that you are a premature ejaculator.
And go easy on the poor girl. She will get sore after a while, and nobody likes a show off.
Be good, play safe, and be nice to girls always.
#nerdsunite
Jordan Harbinger is a Wall Street lawyer turned Social Dynamics expert. He is the owner and co-founder of The Art of Charm, a dating and relationships coaching company, as well as the co-host of 'Go Legendary', a men's lifestyle & social dynamics talk show. If you dig this and want to learn more from Jordan and The Art of Charm Team, then visit http://www.theartofcharm.com
