#NerdsUnite: Dating Above Your League
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho
At the end of my last post I talked about how I wasn’t going to wait any longer and that I wanted to start making a difference in the world now. Along came my first response. Let's jump in. Here is what he wrote:
I sent a woman with no photos in an online dating site an intro email. I liked what she wrote in her profile, she was a teacher and didn't want anyone to know about her online dating. She said if she was interested, then she would reply with a picture attachment. Well needless to say, her pictures were of a stunning woman about 6 years younger than me. I am 45 and she is 39.
Here is my question...I feel that she is out of my league lookswise. In an honest assessment of myself, I say I have a 6/7 face with a 9/10 body. Surprisingly I don’t feel intimidated- I feel relaxed because I feel like I already know what this outcome would be. A one time date.
Have you ever gone out with someone you felt was in a higher league than you lookswise and any tips on how to pull an upset at making this work? I know the standard advice of "just be yourself" and "act confident" applies, but was wondering if you had any anecdotal evidence that this is a possibility.
I’d like to first thank this person for writing in with their question. I am so grateful to have this opportunity. For the purpose of this piece I will call this person James.
First it’s important to understand that women care about looks far less than men. I’m not saying they don’t care about how you appear but if you search you’ll find countless examples of beautiful women dating less than beautiful men. There are a lot of reasons for that but they’re not the substance of this post. Below I have given two tips that should make a huge difference.
Focus on conversation topics that aren’t aesthetic centered. What are you passionate about, what do you want out of life and what are you doing to get that? Be animated, ambitious and fucking excited about what you’re doing. If what you’re doing doesn’t excite you then you need to reevaluate how you’re spending the little time that you have. Here are some of my examples:
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Lately I have been geeking out into the world of programming and the thought of being able to solve real world problems in the world is thrilling. I’m taking classes from Stanford and Princeton to learn programming fundamentals and algorithms, respectively.
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I ride my bike everywhere because I feel it brings me closer to my city. I have been OBSESSED with this album of remixed Radiohead songs. I recently watched a video of a little girl with a beautiful voice captivate an aggravated Simon Cowell on Britains Got Talent and it made me cry she was so enthralling.
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I started coaching guys on social dynamics and it has been the most rewarding experience in my life to date.
Be conscious of what your body is saying. If you feel as though you are not worthy of a girl that you’re with then you are probably going tell that in subtle ways. Body language is always a little hard to correct when I’m not looking at someone but here are some tips...
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Mind the fidgeting. (Finger fucking pins or silverware, leg twitching, constantly readjusting in your chair etc.)
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Lean back and always be equally as comfortable as she is.
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Maintain eye contact and smile a lot.
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Pre-date, watch a movie with your favorite badass male star in it. Pretend that you are him.
All the best James!
If you have questions and would like me to answer them for you here on TNTML then send them to eric.rudolph.carrillo@gmail.com or find me on facebook and/or twitter.
#thatisall
If you’d like to share your stories please feel free to tweet me at @redolpho or email me at eric dot rudolph dot carrillo at gmail dot com