#NerdsUnite: The What If? (Part 5 - The Bachelorette)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi

So over the next few months I realized that aside from the cowboy there were several other men after Ophelia’s heart. I had inadvertently gotten myself into a Midwest version of the bachelorette. This did not bode well for me. Still, I believed myself to be the best option. So I figured, what the hell I’ll try my shot. It actually started with about 12. She being recently divorced was not shy in the options department apparently.  Most of those were easily beaten having wanted little more than to I assume bed her. Soon enough it had been whittled down to five contestants. Two were Ex’s, one was a bartender at her favorite bar, and the last was the cowboy. One of the Ex’s in his silence got himself booted, the cowboy in his desire to trap her heart became a stalker and lost his favor very quickly. Seriously, went off the ranch on the crazy farm. Leaving one Ex, the bartender and I. The Ex was a fellow she had cheated on in the past to end up with her Ex-husband. This one had promised to be less of a douchebag. Let’s face it people don’t really change and he hadn’t really either. I love that line of logic though. For you I’ll change I’ll do anything to get you back. For now then it’s right back to who I was before and that’s the reason you left in the first place. Ex’s are Ex’s for a reason. It was just a ruse. So it came down to just the bartender and I.

I had convinced her to come back to Manhattan, for a concert and to see an old friend whom was in town. The distance was growing between us and I could feel it. I could feel myself grasping to stay in this race. Whenever you start to grasp you get desperate. I had enough sense not to take the path of the cowboy. Still I had made mistakes. After the epic letter I wrote, I felt it was time I could make her a muse.  I drew her at first, then the two of us. Wrote poetry about her, and I even tried my hand at songwriting as she said she wanted to try getting into a band. Each time I added some form of creativity. While most girls might find this sweet. She told me it became overwhelming at times, as she had nothing to offer in return. We remained sexless as well. Much to my confusion as we came near enough to it over and over again.  Then one morning I awoke too, “It’s complicated” as a Facebook status. I freaked. Without even a fucking sorry I chose someone else call. I got a hold of her later and she explained that it is complicated because she couldn’t choose between us and it wasn’t fair to either of us. I relaxed a bit. Although the next trip I made down there was fraught with doubt. I even had a panic attack. I ended up calling my Ex Amber whom had those before and she talked me down. We were still pretty close as well. Seriously, though I am a very relaxed guy, I have never in my life gotten anywhere near panic attack zone. I just kept asking her, “Just let me go, if she wanted this other guy.” See I wanted a yes or a no. After all these years all I really needed was the conclusion of the story or the beginning of a new one. NOT THIS PURGATORY OF WONDER!

So there I was at the brink of love and insanity. It was literally driving me crazy. So I plotted the perfect way to fully win her heart. I was going up to her place that coming weekend and went and bought paper bags, tracing paper, twine, paper clips, and tiny electric tea light candles. I then went about crafting 30 some floating paper lanterns with the sun from, “Tangled” in them. Each lantern had an electric tea light in it that shimmered and the string attached it to the ceiling at varying heights. Taking the first moment she kissed me during, “Tangled” and making it a reality. It really was quite beautiful, my hands ached after the work I put into perfectly crafting these. I drove up with this box of pre-made floating lanterns. The next day when she went to work I set them all up hanging around her room. When she got off work later that night and came home I had her close her eyes and go into her room which I had prepped. Turned on the music from that scene in, “Tangled” and had her open her eyes to a room lit by tiny floating lanterns. She was quite literally awestruck. She told me never before in her life had someone done something so romantic for her. I then asked her out officially. To seal the race and come away from it with the girl I had sought for so long. Her answer was a very powerful, “maybe.” My heart sank. We just layed there with her head on my chest as she told me how it was one of the most beautiful things anyone had ever done for her. We made out and while she had her head on my chest she asked, “Why’s your heart beating so fast and loud?” I said, It’s beating for you. It’s your song and it only plays for you.” Still not enough. I went home the following day slightly disheartened. Yet, still hopeful that my attempt had given me the lead. From that came this poem.

Your song-

She laid her head upon my chest

Listening to the sound of my heart beat

Her face warm against me

She said softly your hearts beating so fast.

I smiled and said it's playing your song

The song it will only play for you

beating out loudly my desire to be no where else

To stay with you here in my arms tonight

It pounds like the drums to a native American dance

like thunder so close you hear it reverberate the walls

powerful enough to push the sound through my chest

You can hear and feel it drumming for you

It's your song and it calls to your heart to beat in rhythm

To play your melody along with it

It's high time I stilled my own song just for a moment

Lay my head to your breast and listen to your song

Feel if your song plays as loud as mine.

Pulling our bodies together and letting the sounds intertwine

chest to chest and feel the power of our own internal music

Drumming our blood to a frenzy

Culminating in a dance that flutters like butterfly wings

Beating back and forth like dueling instruments

Syncing our biometric cadence in to one fluid symphony

Calling our bodies together and tying them in red strings of fate

She laid her head upon my chest

Listening to her song

Playing softly to her ear

thump thump, thump thump, thump thump

Her song written and composed by my soul

Just another in the long line of overwhelming sentiment I assume. Still we craft some of our best works when we are faced with the crazy notion of love. As the days passed and my visits grew more estranged, I felt the darkness closing around me. When I visited and found the lanterns to have been removed... I all but gave up. I grew frantic to try and win this competition. See that’s one of the worst things to happen in any relationship. When one person draws away without just ending it, they start to look for a nice way to separate. What the departee ought to do is just say, “NO.” Seriously, this would save so much heart ache. While you are trying to be nice, the other person is trying like Hell to secure affection. Fighting a losing battle the whole time and lose I would too.

#nerdsunite

click here to follow Jordan on the twittah!