#NerdsUnite:The Ramblings of a Raconteuse (When I Grow Up)

<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Helenna. We met on twitter not too long ao, and she's totes mcgotes one rad chiquita banana with a flare for all things flair! That's right, Helenna here is what we call an artsy fartsy nerd. She's a poet, into all things dramatic arts, and she's going to come on board to write each week about her love of said drama. Well not like actual drama drama, like some cat fight shit - but you get the idea. I only have one thing left to say ... HIT IT HELENNA!!! </editorsnote>

#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Helslevy

I think I’m still waiting to grow up.  Or maybe it just so happened that I woke up one day all grown up and my mind and body were like “what the heck?”  It’s like a weird “Freaky Friday” or “Big” feeling where I have suddenly found myself in the world of the adults in an adult body, but the core of me is still a child.

Why do I bring this up?  Well, I recently had a birthday and what’s fascinating to me is that every year somehow I feel younger even though my external body is aging.  I have more information, more experiences, have become more mature, but inside I feel more childlike and my heart expands and is more willing to grow and develop and learn.  It’s an interesting paradox.

My grandmother has Alzheimer’s and I remember when she first started to show symptoms, she would tell me how unfair old age is, that no one should ever get old.  She said that she felt like a 20 year old in a body that’s breaking down, because her mind and heart are still young.

It’s heart breaking to hear this, but it’s so true and reminds me of Jaques’ speech in Shakespeare’s “As You Like It”:

JAQUES: ”All the world’s a stage,

And all the men and women merely players;

They have their exits and their entrances,

And one man in his time plays many parts,

His acts being seven ages. At first, the infant,

Mewling and puking in the nurse’s arms.

Then the whining schoolboy, with his satchel

And shining morning face, creeping like a snail

Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,

Sighing like a furnace, with a woeful ballad

Made to his mistress’ eyebrow. Then a soldier,

Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,

Jealous in honor, sudden and quick in quarrel,

Seeking the bubble reputation

Even in the cannon’s mouth. And then the justice,

In fair round belly with good capon lined,

With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,

Full of wise saws and modern instances;

And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts

Into the lean and slippered pantaloon,

With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;

His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide

For his shrunk shank, and his big manly voice,

Turning again toward childish treble, pipes

And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,

That ends this strange eventful history,

Is second childishness and mere oblivion,

Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.” 

I have such a warm place in my heart for all of the elderly people in our world, especially those who are alone and have no one left to take care of them.

Sorry this post is such a downer, but with every year that passes I feel more and more grateful for my time on this earth with the people that I love.  I also am so happy that I am pursing my dreams and inching closer to my goals.

I always said that when I am all grown up, 80 years old and sitting on my porch swing, I want to be able to say that I gave it my all.  Well, here I am, doing just that for another year, the difference is now I’m starting to realize that every day I’m achieving the goal.  Every single day that I wake up and listen to my heart and pursue my dreams tenaciously I am achieving, and that feels pretty darn good.

#xoxo hels

tweet me at: @helslevy

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