#NerdsUnite: Giving In (Part 2)
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho
When I decided that I was going to start blogging on a more vulnerable level it was on a search for meaning. I asked Jen to push me and she did. In a recent post I let go completely and revealed a deep secret that was eating me inside. I had been faking smiles and pretending to be happy. There were days when I thought I actually was, but this deep sadness loomed beneath the surface and built until I was at a point of all time low. In a TED Talk that I watched recently about suicide the closing line is “talk about it, get help, it’s a conversation worth having.” I couldn’t agree more. After letting go and talking about it my life has changed in so many significant ways already. I said that I was going to start going on adventures again and I did.
Literally the day after I wrote about how I was feeling my friend texted me. She said that she was having an insanely hard time because a recent ex was getting married that day. She needed a friend and I needed an adventure. So last minute I booked an Amtrak ticket to San Clemente where she was staying. For the first time in a long time I woke up early and excited about my day. At 6 a.m. I started working to get a head start and then I boarded a train. I was smiling the whole way to Union Station to catch the Amtrak.
One of the ways that I knew that I was already making so much progress was that my creative side was surfacing again. I was taking pictures and it was hard not to as the Surfliner cruised down the southern California coast.
I arrived and made my way to a café to get as much work done as possible before we met. I wanted to have some beach with her, I knew she had a lot to say and so did I. As we sat I let go again. Without any shame I divulged everything that I had been experiencing while trying to hold back the tears as I relived it. Again I felt it pass behind me even further and a deeper sense of relief filled me. With the heavy conversations behind us we started to enjoy the beautiful day that was before us.
As I sat there on the beach I was reflecting on the awesomeness that was Jen and I’s first social dynamics workshop. I thought about the heart felt thank-you’s I received from the guys and I knew that I had found something truly special. I had found that beautiful thing that I loved, that I’m great at and that helps others on a deep and profound level. I had been looking for it for so long and it was right in front of my face.
Then my phone vibrated and when I unlocked it I found the first of many texts, tweets and emails that I would receive that day. My post had gone live on TNTML and I was without words, one after another the support poured in. Some people I had met and some I hadn’t but all thanking me for sharing, telling me they were proud and telling me I had done the right thing. I tried to thank people as best I could but there are no words that would suffice. With that being said I am going to try one more time.
To everyone that wrote to me, your kind words and support have filled me with a renewed spirit, the meaning I have been searching for is in you. I know this is just the beginning of a long road but I feel a sense of strength because of you. As I embark on this next chapter of my life things will no doubt get difficult. This time I know that I’ll never have to suffer in silence again because all I have to do is ask and you’ll be there for me. I humbly thank you and although words will never be enough my actions may suffice so know that I am here for you as well.
I was thinking about all of you as I took this picture of the train tracks disappearing down the coast. It made me think of the unknown future that was ahead and the beauty of the journey. I know this is just the surface; I know there is more to gain and more to give. I’m optimistic, I’m excited, and most of all I’m thankful.
#thatisall
If you’d like to share your stories please feel free to tweet me at @redolpho or email me at eric dot rudolph dot carrillo at gmail dot com