#NerdsUnite: Giving In
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Eric. He is a MAASSTTEERRR social dynamics expert that will be talking about his experiences in the field from both an expert, and experience perspective. He's not just saying "this is how to get the girl" he's here to share his actual life stories and lessons learned from them. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT ERIC !!</editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @Redolpho
I did it. I finally came out and said what I had been hiding for too long. I have been feeling suicidal and I hadn’t told anyone until last night. For the last 6 months I’d walk down the street hoping for a car or truck to plow over the curb and end it. When I’d walk I’d close my eyes and imagine the moment of impact, it would bring a sense of calm over me, no stress or sadness anymore, just a silent calm end. I’m sitting at the beautiful West Hollywood Library right now trying not to cry. This has been one of the hardest times in my life to date.
In one of my last posts I downplayed the level of sadness I was feeling but I’m not going to lie anymore, not to myself and not to the world. No one deserves to feel that way and it’s high time that I start following my own advice and do what fulfills me. Being a social dynamics coach and watching these guys’ lives change right in front of me brings a warmth to my soul that is unspeakable. The only rivaling feeling I’ve ever felt is the adventures of traveling. I intend to do a lot more of these two things.
I was recently at a bar with Jen Friel and the conversation headed for the depths of my soul. Finally I let go and told her how I was really feeling. An entrepreneur friend of hers joined us and helped me realize that I have nothing else to lose. I already gave up my job that paid me well, I’ve been homeless for the last two years and I’m sad. What else is there? I couldn’t sleep because of our conversation. I had experienced a daunting enlightenment and all that is left is to act. This morning when I awoke there was a certain sense of calm that fell over me. I know what I need to do but the decisions are still not easy to make. There have been points in my life similar to this and I can feel the courage brewing within me to make the hard decisions I have to make. I’m ready to jump but I’m still scared.
Today I have something to be extremely grateful for and that’s my first social dynamics class. So I’m off to prepare and I’ll continue to keep you updated on what is to come. I am searching deeply for the courage to make the decisions that are on the horizon. Thank you to everyone who keeps me moving forward. If it weren’t for your words and your hugs I may not still be here. If you’re feeling this way as well then reach out to me or reach out to a friend. Let’s talk and grow together.
#thatisall
If you’d like to share your stories please feel free to tweet me at @redolpho or email me at eric dot rudolph dot carrillo at gmail dot com