#RealDeal: A New Lemon Rule
<editorsnote> Nerds, meet my buddy Jordan. He was one of the first writers here on TNTML and he's a really rad mofo. I forget how we first started talking - but he lives allllllll the way over in Kansas and wants to talk to you about life from his side of the monitor in the keyword of nerd. I only have one more thing left to say ... HIT IT JORDAN!! </editorsnote>
#TalkNerdyToMeLover's @SaintPepsi
I can't remember what season of, “How I Met Your Mother” it was, but Barney suggested a Lemon Rule. So I thought I might attempt to adopt this in a more practical way. You see I am not fond of rushing into relationships. If I am going to commit that kind of time with a girl, I'd like to know that the time will be well spent.
So recently I was going after a girl whom I fancied. She was from what I could gather, pretty normal. That is a break from the type of girl I seemed drawn to. I generally chase girls who are basically impossible. I don't know if I like the challenge, but I just can't help myself. So in a changeup; I went after a girl who wasn't super damaged, who was well adjusted, and seemed on a promising path in life. Things were going pretty well, but I am a slow mover. So when things started getting more serious. I told her, “You know as things progress, if you just don't feel it in your heart or head let me know.” I gave her a Lemon Rule. This caught her off guard at first. I assured her it in no way was me second guessing what I wanted. I still wanted to try a relationship with her. Still, the chances of finding someone suited for you is a hard task indeed. Especially, in this world of some billion people. Are we really so naïve to think that we will be able to find the perfect partner right out of the gates. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, just rarely. So once we find someone we connect with, but we just don't really have our hearts in it: this will save some time.
I think too often you can get caught up in the passion of the moment. Suddenly, the passionate and fun times you are having fall into the categorize section of life. What are we called, what are we doing, or where are we going? We love our titles and defining relationships seems to be the hardest parts of any onset coupling. You know if it isn't Facebook official it isn't official at all... Right? So this was our first distinction. She was about to disappear on a vacation for a few weeks and so I had intended to brooch the topic. She beat me to the punch. She told me, “You are everything I should want in a man. You are kind, compassionate, you treat me so well, and you are a blast to be around.” “Still,” she went on, “I am just not feeling it in my heart, my head says go for it. My heart says no.” Her eyes held concern as she said, “So I think I'll take you up on your Lemon Rule.” I got Lemoned! While it was a little shocking at first. I mean, I really didn't think she would use the Lemon rule and reference it. There it was. I said thank you and told her I was glad she was up front with me. In this one move we saved a friendship and stopped what could have been a long and possibly messy interaction. How many times have you just not been there in the heart or head department, but in not wanting to hurt someone drew the process out too long trying to find the right way to say NO. Sure, it's still a rejection and rejections aren't fun, but we stopped it, with a clean cut. We saved what could have been a week or even a month of awkwardness. Where one person may have been growing more attached, while the other more distant.
This is the most dangerous time of all in a relationships. As one person grows more distant, the other pushes harder to find a way to reconnect. The desire to fix whatever it was that had broken between you becomes forefront and you fight and claw your way to win back their affection. Never knowing it was nothing you did at all. The other person just wasn't feeling it. The power becomes completely one sided. The person looking for escape starts to feel horrible and guilty. Trying to find some way to kindly let you go. Still the guilt keeps them tied into the situation and they begin to feel trapped. Once you feel trapped, resentment begins to fester inside you and you stop caring so much if the other person will hurt. You just want them to leave. So you cut ties and leave them feeling crushed, alone, and confused. They find themselves lost for confidence and second guessing any new pursuit wondering why the last one went so terribly wrong. All of which could have been avoided if you had just, “Lemoned” them when you first started feeling doubt.
Maybe this could be a real thing and not just the butt of a joke in an episode of a sitcom. Truly, I think this benefits the guys more than the girls though. Although it really can go both ways. Girls have a tendency to use words that have strings attached to them. Saying things that inadvertently lead guys on; while thinking the whole time that they made themselves abundantly clear on not wanting to be with him. Let’s face it guys suck at taking hints. The lemon rule stops that and leaves it with an abrupt NO! Clear and concise. No more do you have that friend that you had to shoot down: lurking in the background, mean mugging any guy who gave you the eye, and drunk dialing you for a second chance. You are free and so is he. So take a lesson from the man who champions awesome. Use the Lemon Rule! Save yourself some time and heart ache. As we all know time steals everything and if you aren't on the path you need to be, wasting time on the wrong road only means it takes that much longer to backtrack and get on the right path. A path that will be LEGAN... wait for it … DARY!!
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